Jolt Country

I am so lucky to have shitty taste buds. To me, vodka is vodka. I have friends who only drink "the good stuff," which is fine ... when they're buying. I've never minded cheap alcohol or cheap beer. Bud Light is just fine with me.

I have thrown a shot of vodka into "Crystal Light" the last ... well, let's just choose "n" - the last n times I have consumed vodka.

However, as an emotional vampire when it comes to alcohol, I have co-opted the opinions of those around me, and parrot them in an attempt to mimic humanity. Should they say, "it's a clean vodka... a clean vodka" then so shall I.

I only pray the ruse continues?

Flack wrote:"the good stuff"

Well all vodka gets you drunk, so I don't know what your fucking friends are referring to.

Though I'd say between Tito's and Sobieski I've noticed a reasonable difference. Like a difference between colas, it's very subtle. I finished off my Tito's and then cracked open the Sobieski, so I didn't have much time to compare (and didn't clean my palette for shame) but yeah I think I possibly could pick them out if I had a little more experience with them. The major thing I noticed about Sobieski is that it left my upper lip dried out.

I would also like to debunk the myth that certain brands/liquors/qualities give you worse or better hangovers than others. I hear this all the time (even when nobody is around me) usually proceeded by "because of the impurities", and so I would like to once and for all debunk this. I will debunk this in the form of an actual dialogue which occurred a couple years ago between me and someone who was attempting to perpetuate the myth:

PERP: "I only drink Ketel One because the cheaper stuff gives you a really bad hangover, because of all the impurities."

ME: "What a load of shit."

Myth: DEBUNKED!

PS. You know why you got a bad hangover after you drank the cheap stuff? BECAUSE YOU FUCKING DRANK 17 OF THEM WHEN YOU WERE OUT AT THE CLUB SHOWING YOUR TITS TO EVERYONE DANCING ON THE FUCKING BAR YOU SKANK.

Impurities? It's FUCKING ALCOHOL. Do people really say this shit? Do they mean molecular impurities or something? ARE THE FUCKING ATOMIC BONDS WEAK? Do they think Ketel One is sko flawless uncut blood diamond? I mean sure a coat a TJ Maxx is cheaper because it has flaws, but that's not true of ALL THINGS.

pinback wrote:I would also like to debunk the myth that certain brands/liquors/qualities give you worse or better hangovers than others.

Yup, I hear this one all the time too. My friends only drink Petrone tequila because of this ("No hangover! It's so smooth!")

When people ask me what my favorite wine is, I tell 'em Boones Farm. Ain't no shame in my game (or liver).

My favorite idiotic alcohol myths are:

1. The one we're discussing now, and:
2a. Guinness will knock you on your ass.
2b. Guinness has 700 calories per pint.

Anyone out there reading this who doesn't know the truth? Guinness has fewer calories and less alcohol than Budweiser.

Yeah, I thought each Guinness was like eating a small burrito until you posted that. Who knew? It's so.... thick!

(Man am I glad we're not TnQing here.)

Now that I know that it's equivalent to a Bud... what have I been doing with my life?

I have a question, though: what if you throw a shot of Irish Whiskey in it? How many calories does that add? And what do you suggest to separate the shot glass from a Crystal Castles glass top? I HAVE HAD THESE PROBLEMS.

I have a question, though: what if you throw a shot of Irish Whiskey in it?

In that case, you are a maggot.

I'll say this. I have no idea how people take a glass of vodka ... and drink it. How do you do this?? I re-read this thread, and Worm: YOU have done this.

This is what I was taught to do:

- Get glass
- Go ONE TWO THREE FOUR ONE while pouring vodka into glass. And you say it QUICKLY.
- Add Crystal Light to mix. Take a sip. Add more Crystal Light.

I'm not saying all this in a "look at me" sort of way. How quickly are y'all drinking the glass of pure vodka? How many minutes are involved here?

I'm not saying all this in a "look at me" sort of way. How quickly are y'all drinking the glass of pure vodka? How many minutes are involved here?

Straight vodka is not typically a "sipping" drink. Since there is no flavor, there is no point to savoring it.

Whilst drinking straight vodka, generally I will fill a 3 oz shot glass, put it up to the light to enjoy its crystalline clarity, take a brief sniff to check for the aroma, or if all goes well, the lack of aroma.

Then I grab a slice of bread or some other snacky-food item.

Then I DOWN THE SHOT in .5 seconds, and then put the food item up to my nose and breath in through my nose, enjoying the delicate smell of the bread while my body is filled with a tingly glow!

Then I do that a couple more times!

This is the proper method for enjoying vodka.

How does pork lo mein figure into all this?

I take a lowball glass, or a coffee mug, put four to six ice cubes in it, cover them with vodka, and take swigs throughout the night.

Worm wrote:put four to six ice cubes in it

This conversation is over.

ChainGangGuy wrote:How does pork lo mein figure into all this?

If you are particularly depressed, please replace the bread with pork lo mein.

And please replace the 3 oz shot glass with the entire bottle still in its brown paper bag.

What? WHAAAAAAAAAT? I might be using less than 4 to 6, but still, SO FUCKIN WHAAAAAAAAAAT?

I'm sorry, Worm, but this conversation is over. Luckily, I got a reply to my pork lo mein query before Pinback left this thread... forever!

Worm wrote:What? WHAAAAAAAAAT? I might be using less than 4 to 6, but still, SO FUCKIN WHAAAAAAAAAAT?

You know what you get when you combine vodka and ice cubes?

WEAK ASS VODKA.

Conversation over.

I share a fridge, so I certainly can't put it in the freezer. So your view here is that I shouldn't be drinking vodka on the rocks ever? I'm just supposed to have a CO2 bath ready? Fuck you pinner, fuck you and your smarmy bullshit.

Conversation?

OVER!