The Legendary Hot Sauces

[AArdvark]

uh oh

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I much, much prefer it to that cholula sauce with the round wooden cap that seems to be everywhere in Denver these days. I like my eggs runnier than tap water, so the cholua MUNGING it up with substance angers me.

Nnnngh!

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STYLE: <s>Mexican</s> <s>Hispanic</s> <s>Latino</s> Mexican.

SAUCE: Valentina



Look, I don't want to spend too long on this, but in any hot sauce lover's career, there comes a point where you have to pick your favorite Mexican sauce. And let's face it, it's either going to be Cholula, Tapatio, or Valentina.

And now let's face THIS: Valentina is the cheapest and also tastes the best.

So it's a fucking legend. And the stubby bottle is just perfect for wrapping your greasy paws around with one hand, holding a burrito in the other, and combining them until you have one of the world's greatest eating experiences.

And you can get like a gallon for $1.49. So if you be all poor like a Mexican, this is your go-to sauce for the rest of your life.

I am not racist.

NEXT STYLE: BLACK PEOPLE SAUCE.

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Also, if you thought "El Yucateco" was going to make it on the list, check out the Don Rogers show from 7/15: I refuse to buy/eat hot sauces with food coloring in them, and EY uses a ton of it to get those "vibrant, rich colors" that other sauces seem to be able to do without faking it.

Fuck off, El Yook.

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Looking back over this list, I must say, this list is excellent. I continue to agree with myself at every turn.

What... Oh, I know what style I haven't covered. Mm. This will be painful. (And not in the good, "hot sauce" way.)

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STYLE: Caribbean

SAUCE: Marie Sharp's Habanero Sauce



This one almost lost its place due to some really questionable behavior, but there's simply no way to exclude it. When an entire country has one sauce on every table, and it's popular enough that even the brand that stole the recipe is now found in almost every grocery store in the US, and when it tastes as good as this, it is a legendary sauce.

It IS the flavor of the Caribbean, bottled for your pleasure. It pairs with grilled meats and fish better than virtually anything else in the world. It also comes in varying levels of heat, so you can get that awesome flavor backed by however much punch you want.

Now, here are the two marks against it, and this is an ongoing story so if there are updates I'll post them here:

These sauces have a LOT of sodium, based on the nutritional label. The "Belizean Heat" (arguably the most popular) version says that it has 410 mg of sodium PER TEASPOON. This is far and away more than any other sauce I've ever seen, and it doesn't even seem possible. So this guy on Amazon noted this, and has been actively attempting to contact the company to have them confirm, deny, or at least explain how a sauce which doesn't even taste that salty can have over twice the amount of sodium of any other sauce on the market.

Without denial, we have to assume that it's true, so that's mark one. Mark two is that they never replied to the guy in any way, which means they are unwilling to even discuss it.

That's bad, and it's saddening, because that sauce is just about good enough to overlook the ridiculous sodium count, shorten your life by 5-10 years, and dump it on your next grilled tilapia. We just wanna know what's going on.

Again, I hope this is all oooooone big misunderstanding. Until that time, though, we have to be wary of this business and its product.

...but not wary enough to keep it off this list.

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Can anyone suggest any other styles of hot sauce? The only other one I can think of is "extract", and none of them are legendary, because they all taste like a dead man's asshole.

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Well, then I consider this list done. The next step is to take a picture of all of the Legendary Sauces lined up next to each other.

And then, I suppose, this whole thing will be over.

=(

[gsdgsd]

I got Danny Cash's Poorly-Concealed Rage after it made this list and it may be the best burrito additive I've ever had. It's great.

As an aside, when I ordered it I included the "recommended by Ben Parrish" note -- does anything come of that?

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I got Danny Cash's Poorly-Concealed Rage after it made this list and it may be the best burrito additive I've ever had. It's great.

As an aside, when I ordered it I included the "recommended by Ben Parrish" note -- does anything come of that?

Nope!

I'm 'bout done with all these damn hot sauce companies.

At least Tabasco, you KNOW you're going to get ignored.

[Tdarcos]

Can anyone suggest any other styles of

hot sauce? The only other one I can think of is "extract", and none of them are legendary, because they all taste like a dead man's asshole.

I keep wondering where this latent homosexuality of yours comes from. Otherwise how could you know what a dead man's asshole tastes like in order to compare it to anything?

And I'll re-ask the question I did before: what do you think of ultra-high heat sauces like the ones using Bhut Jolokia peppers, which have a Scoville rating of about 1,000,000 compared with about 50,000 for pure uncut <s>cocaine</s> err I mean Tabasco, and about 5,000 for bottled Tabasco and jalapeno peppers?

[Tdarcos]

That being said, here's an exception: Tabasco

[deleted]
And yet, the interesting thing is, it's never really been duplicated. Unlike the vast majority of Louisiana sauces, they use tabasco chiles (no kidding?!) instead of cayenne. The sauce is hotter than most widely available table sauces. It's also the most vinegary hot sauce you're likely to pick off of the shelf.

As I said in other messages here, it has to be vinegary. Pure, uncut <s>cocaine</s> Tabasco sauce, aged in wood barrels for three years, when decanted, is about 50,000 Scoville Units, way, way too hot for most people. So they cut it with vinegar until it drops down to about the heat level of a jalapeno, about 5,000.

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That being said, here's an exception: Tabasco

[deleted]
And yet, the interesting thing is, it's never really been duplicated. Unlike the vast majority of Louisiana sauces, they use tabasco chiles (no kidding?!) instead of cayenne. The sauce is hotter than most widely available table sauces. It's also the most vinegary hot sauce you're likely to pick off of the shelf.

As I said in other messages here, it has to be vinegary. Pure, uncut <s>cocaine</s> Tabasco sauce, aged in wood barrels for three years, when decanted, is about 50,000 Scoville Units, way, way too hot for most people. So they cut it with vinegar until it drops down to about the heat level of a jalapeno, about 5,000.

This is the dumbest thing that has ever been said. You also hold 8 of the top 10 spots in that list, but this tops them all.

It HAS to be vinegary, you guys. Because nobody has figured out how to dilute pure capsaicin in any other way than adding VINEGAR!!

Here are things that you totally CANNOT dilute chiles with in a hot sauce, even though 97% of every sauce ever created (including every other product in the Tabasco line) has done it, because Paul is an idiot and once again has no remote idea what he is talking about:

1. Water.
2. Fruit.
3. Vegetables.
4. Everything else in the universe.

Does it TIRE you to come up with bogus, wildly incorrect facts and post them with smug self-assurance, or does it FIRE YOU UP FOR MORE??

[Tdarcos]

This is the dumbest thing that has ever been said. You also hold 8 of the top 10 spots in that list, but this tops them all.

It HAS to be vinegary, you guys. Because nobody has figured out how to dilute pure capsaicin in any other way than adding VINEGAR!!

You don't think very well and you don't read. I never said there was no other way to dilute their sauce than by using vinegar, I said that is the method that the McIlhenny Company uses to make Tabasco. And that was all I said.

Check back and show me where I said it was the only method or where I said there was no other method. I simply pointed out that this is the method they use to cut the pure sauce, and since they use vinegar, the sauce is going to have a strong vinegar flavor.

Learn to read what people say before you criticize them for saying what they didn't say.

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I got Danny Cash's Poorly-Concealed Rage after it made this list and it may be the best burrito additive I've ever had. It's great.

Let's get back on topic. I'm glad you tried the sauce, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's basically the only sauce I use anymore, now that I'm off my Tabasco kick. I just ordered a case.

I've never actually used it on a burrito or a taco, probably because I was trying other sauces or whatever, but that is the greatest idea I ever heard.

I think you'll find it matches up equally well with, well, basically any savory dish you have. I find hot sauce matches particularly well with eggs, rice, beans... any staple food that's good on its own but absorbs flavors well.

I thank you for reading my thread, and wish you delicious hot sauce experiences in the future.

[gsdgsd]

I also got their .... I can't keep track of the stupid names, but the chipotle habanero sauce. It's good, but nowhere near the garlic serrano. I shoulda got two bottles of that, as the one I have is at my desk at work and doing me no good at all.

Inspired by this thread, I'm visiting a local hot sauce maker tomorrow. I'll report back! Not in this thread, though, because since it's Georgia it's even odds it's 47 variations on peaches.

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You are correct, nothing is remotely as good as the garlic Serrano. However I feel I should add that even if the other styles aren't your "thang" they are generally all the best versions of those styles ive yet come across.

Yes I'm a "fanboi" but I'm also telling the truth.

I once went to the wynkoop brewpub in Denver. Their cajun hot sauce was the best thing I'd ever had in a restaurant. I said "fuck danny cash, THIS is the best sauce ever!"

Except then I noticed the danny cash trademark on the side.

I've experienced the same thing two other times I different restaurants and stores with different brand names and 100% of those times its always been Danny cash.

Okay I'm a fanboi. But for the best reason possible.

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I first learned of this sauce from this video:


A local place had a hot sauce convention, and this brand set up a vendor booth with a little iPad playing that video on repeat. I said, "that video's why I'm here!" It was. I tasted all their sauces. They were all great. But this was something else.

It's likely the mildest sauce that ever made this list, and so far my favorite use of it is to drink it from the bottle, but it makes every food it comes into contact with better.

Later during the convention I met the guy in the above video, and I said, "your video's why I'm here!" It was.



I picked up a bottle while I was there, and it was gone within days. Today I picked up two more, and one of them is already half empty. I don't wait for meals, when I need a snack or a little taste of something, I just grab a spoon and go for it.

Absolutely incredible. Do I like it more because for one special week I felt like I was part of the "hot sauce community"? Probably. But damn is it good.

[Jizaboz]

Fuck yeah, I want some of that sauce.

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CHOLULA GREEN:



Cholula Green is the best hot sauce that there is.