Jolt Country

I've told this story before, but maybe not here.

I went through McDonald's drive-thru one time. Susan wanted a Sausage McMuffin with Egg.

Now, this paragraph is going to make me sound like a psychopath, but a regular Egg McMuffin comes with egg, cheese, and ham. A Sausage McMuffin with Egg (the official title) comes with egg, cheese, and sausage. They're the same except one has sausage and one has egg. They are named incorrectly. If one is called a Sausage McMuffin with Egg then the other should be called a Ham McMuffin with Egg. Or call one Egg McMuffin with Ham and the other a Ham McMuffin with Sausage. I don't care how you do it, but change one of them.

So we get up to the speaker and I order a Sausage McMuffin with Egg. Again, that is the official name for it -- it's written right on the sign. The guy says, "was that n Egg McMuffin, hold the cheese plus sausage" or something like that. Whatever he said was so obviously far from what I said that I thought he was kidding. I repeated it back, "no, a Sausage McMuffin with Egg." Then he said something else followed by "pull up." We all know that means you are not getting what you just ordered.

We get up to the window and pay. I get the bag and open it. I pull out the McMuffin and open it. Inside is a burned McMuffin with nothing inside and a piece of sausage under the muffin but inside the paper. Like it goes paper, piece of sausage, bottom muffin, top muffin.

I don't remember everything after that but I do remember putting the car in park and trying to climb through the drive-thru window in order to kill that kid. In my defense there's no way I could actually fit through that window. He was safe.

I will tell you one more. Many years ago (15?I i decided I was going to start renting DVDs from a movie rental store near my work. I go in, pick out a few movies, and then go up to the front counter.

The guy asks me if a I have a card and I say no. I give him my credit card and my license and two minutes later he comes back and says I am outside their delivery area. The first thing i say is, "oh, do you deliver movies?" He looks at me like I am a smart ass and says no. I am confused. Then he points at a map (this is such a big problem that they have a map for it) and he shows me that they have an "area" and only allow customers who live inside the area. I am laughing at this point like I am on Candid Camera. I ask the guy if he is serious and he says yes. I tell the guy I work two blocks from this place and want to rent movies on my lunch break. He says it doesn't matter because I live outside their area.

I say okay whatever and then as I get ready to leave he says, "uh, sir? Can you please put these movies back on the shelves where you got them?" With one hand I swiped across the counter, sending the movies flying everywhere.

"You are not welcome in this store!" he said.

"WHY WOULD I COME BACK TO A MOVIE RENTAL STORE THAT WON'T RENT MOVIES TO ME?" I shouted. I hope he thought about that while I was peeling out of their parking lot.

Haha, these are all great! Sorry to bring everybody down here but why not:

After not eating for two days I said "I wonder if that window would hold?" and took a running leap at one of those skyscraper floor-to-ceiling glass walls. While drunk. At work, after hours. In front of a few (admittedly cool) witnesses.

So...maybe not my finest day, but I am feeling pretty great (if really worn out) right now!

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:You should keep a small bag of rations on you at all time. Maybe some of that Elven Waybread the kids like so much these days.

This was meant to go to Jiz, not Retro. Jiz, you hungry animal!

Flack wrote:I tell the guy I work two blocks from this place and want to rent movies on my lunch break. He says it doesn't matter because I live outside their area.

I say okay whatever and then as I get ready to leave he says, "uh, sir? Can you please put these movies back on the shelves where you got them?" With one hand I swiped across the counter, sending the movies flying everywhere.

This is incredible. I mean, Happiness Engine playing chicken with a window below it is great in its own special way, but holyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy christ, a DVD RENTAL store that wanted customers that LIVED near by. Not worked nearby! But lived nearby! That's incredible! This was a kind of place we all knew was doomed and they did whatever they could to accelerate the dooming process.

In your defense, swiping the discs onto the floor is just as good a filing system as most of the ones DVD rental places actually used.

Deep in my soul I have always enjoyed the part where he said not to come back. As if I would stop by there once a week, poke my head in and ask, "got anything new you won't rent me this week?"

There are also two different housing projects within half a mile of that place. That place rented movies to people who ate government cheese on a regular basis and wouldn't rent movies to me.

I wish that place would reopen just so I could go in there and do it all over again.

Flack wrote:Deep in my soul I have always enjoyed the part where he said not to come back. As if I would stop by there once a week, poke my head in and ask, "got anything new you won't rent me this week?"

In WHAT WORLD would you not do this EVERY SINGLE DAY you saw that guy working?! That is SO worth getting an actual police officer to tell you, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask that you stop pointing out what a shit-heap this place is. It's really demoralizing for them."

Unfortunately I lived just outside their "we take biting criticism from these people" boundary. :/

Good thing the window held. You probably would have sobered up quick and regretted that on the way down.

Hahahaha This VHS store story Hahahaha oh man..