Jolt Country

As someone who has been the recipient of pinback's vicious attacks in the past, I have to tentatively side with Retro on this one.

He's never going to leave.

Conversations order was switched around (per message, the messages themselves are in chronological order) so that the below chain can be read from top to bottom.

RetroRomper wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 8:52 am I've kept ICJ abreast of all the actual abuse

This is my favorite part of this, that he's been continually "telling on me" privately to daddy, like a SMALL CHILD.

That ICJ has had to deal with that is the only part of this I regret.

Grow up, man. Jesus Christ.

With that in context, here is all of the responses, harassment, and the times he has controlled the narrative (aka gaslighting) because he knew he was completely wrong and kept doubling, and tripling down in attacking me.

Wow, he posted that while I was writing the above. Even a SMALL CHILD now thinks he's acting like a goddamn baby.

I included ICJ because I knew Pinback could easily turn this into a "he said, she said" and I assumed that as a friend of Ben's and his boss, Robb could intervene or at least check up on him. Plus I didn't want to have to face this alone and Robb seemed a good way to keep everything in boundaries as an outside party who could "reality check" what was happening.

Everything I mentioned and included ICJ in was because I was deeply and am, deeply concerned for Ben and there was no reason for me to take the sharp edge of his alcoholism alone. This entire situation deeply troubles me as though I've maybe caused the most raucous, I'm also one of the more sensitive people here and I was noting that to Ben, then ICJ finally spoke up against me.

As having been a member of Jolt Country in one capacity or another since 2007, all of this breaks my heart, as a space that has always been a great group of people is now a danger zone for me.

RetroRomper wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:16 amdeeply concerned for Ben and there was no reason for me to take the sharp edge of his alcoholism

Hey man, no need to get personal.

Billy Mays wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 9:36 am As someone who has been the recipient of pinback's vicious attacks in the past, I have to tentatively side with Retro on this one.

Do you need any help compiling all of those incidents together so you can mass-paste them in a thread later like a psychopath?

I'm so disappointed and hurt right now.

pinback wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:27 am

Billy Mays wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 9:36 am As someone who has been the recipient of pinback's vicious attacks in the past, I have to tentatively side with Retro on this one.

Do you need any help compiling all of those incidents together so you can mass-paste them in a thread later like a psychopath?

No, a lot of them were pretty darn funny to be frank and organizing them into two separate categories would be a bit of a nightmare for me.

RetroRomper wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:45 am I'm so disappointed and hurt right now.

Can you be disappointed and hurt, while also not posting people's private emails without their permission?

Billy Mays wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:47 am No, a lot of them were pretty darn funny to be frank and organizing them into two separate categories would be a bit of a nightmare for me.

Thank you.

EDIT: I misread Billy's post, so my apologies Mr. Mays.

RetroRomper wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:48 am

Billy Mays wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:47 am No, a lot of them were pretty darn funny to be frank and organizing them into two separate categories would be a bit of a nightmare for me.

Thank you.

He was complimenting me, Retro.

Thank you, Billy.

I logged back in to send out the ACK Preservation form and instead was pulled into this. This isn't worth my time nor my emotional energy and I have multiple things to get to today that need to be done before Monday or it'll be a bit of a disaster. So I'm checking out for at least today if not longer.

RetroRomper wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 8:52 amI'm well aware that my behavior has been similar, but my poor behavior doesn't in any form justify the way I've been treated by Ben.

This.

This sentence sums up exactly the crux of my problem with borderline people. I live with a borderline person. It's infuriating to deal with someone who won't work on changing how they treat people but think they have some right to complain about other people doing similar things to them. It may be driven by insecurity and low self esteem but it comes off as sociopathic and uncaring about their own actions.

I'm genuinely pleased that my email about the "bullet points" was pasted so that a larger group now gets to enjoy it.

See? MVP.

RetroRomper wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:16 am As having been a member of Jolt Country in one capacity or another since 2007, all of this breaks my heart, as a space that has always been a great group of people is now a danger zone for me.

Well, I mean, you took three years off when you were Draal and left us all to believe that you had killed yourself, before returning as RetroRomper and not letting us know who you really were until I had deduced it and told everyone.

Casual Observer wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 11:25 am

RetroRomper wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 8:52 amI'm well aware that my behavior has been similar, but my poor behavior doesn't in any form justify the way I've been treated by Ben.

This.

This sentence sums up exactly the crux of my problem with borderline people. I live with a borderline person. It's infuriating to deal with someone who won't work on changing how they treat people but think they have some right to complain about other people doing similar things to them. It may be driven by insecurity and low self esteem but it comes off as sociopathic and uncaring about their own actions.

I'm seeing two therapists, one of which specializes in BPD and another who has been working with me through my interpersonal foibles. I have a great Psychiatrist who has been actively validating how well he's seen me doing, and I'm working with an Occupation Therapist to reorder and resolve executive functioning issues around my ADHD.

One thing that is forgotten when talking about people with BPD, is that on a very deep level we don't have control over ourselves in the moment and it takes a whole hell of alot of mental and physical introspection and work to identify it before it happens and to keep ourselves in a head space where our emotions (which are 5x higher than the average person and can sustain themselves over hours or days: imagine being angry over something small, that then because of the physiology of your brain, persists over a week) don't pull us down and pull other people in.

A large tenet of therapy when dealing with someone with BPD, is to allow them the grace to say "this isn't me and isn't who I want to become" after an episode that burned down their entire life and pushed all of their friends and family away. Should I keep reminding myself of that, how I couldn't control my anger and felt "righteous," which resulted in me losing two friend's I've been close with for over six years of our lives and a few others I was working closely with? I've improved, I've gotten better, and I've learned that I need to accept that these things happen and do what I can to mitigate them.

Otherwise, the brain damage and chemical imbalances win and I succumb to being this awful, terrible, cruel person and that is the very last thing I want.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 11:30 am

RetroRomper wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:16 am As having been a member of Jolt Country in one capacity or another since 2007, all of this breaks my heart, as a space that has always been a great group of people is now a danger zone for me.

Well, I mean, you took three years off when you were Draal and left us all to believe that you had killed yourself, before returning as RetroRomper and not letting us know who you really were until I had deduced it and told everyone.

I did try to kill myself multiple times over the next eight or so months after I dropped out of this BBS. I was also homeless and when I finally found help, I was dealing with malnutrition, straight up PTSD, and exhaustion so severe, the Doctors in the ER had me wear a heart monitor because of worrisome heart palpitations.