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Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2004 8:54 pm
by Forum Little Buddy
bruce wrote:Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Waitasec. They collect a bunch of them and mold them into a can. That's the cranberry I was talking about.
Who's the fucktard <i>now</i>?
Bruce
Yeah!!!!!
Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2004 9:26 pm
by ChainGangGuy
bruce wrote:Um, I thought the general consensus was that you probably didn't want this girl back because she's a <i>snooty psycho hosebeast</i>.
Did I miss something?
Bruce
She wasn't always this way. Only just a month or so ago did things begin to sour. At first I thought it was just me, but then others noticed it, too.
"She hasn't been acting herself lately."
"I don't know, but she's just so overly emotional these days."
"Gerrit, she's fucking lost her mind."
Maybe I've watched the SW trilogy too many times, but just as Luke saved his father, I too thought I could save my girl from the dark side. There
is good in her!
Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2004 9:40 pm
by Debaser
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Worm wrote:Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
You don't understand, Worm -- men and women can both have sex with cranberries, because they're so damn malleable. Want something to thrust into? Carve out a little bit of sweet cranberry delight? Want something to thrust into? Shape and whittle till it's just the right size. Cranberries provide delight for everyone... everyone with patience, any way.
Cranberries are too small to fuck! In the world of fruits people really only fuck watermelons, sometimes cantelopes.
Waitasec. They collect a bunch of them and mold them into a can. That's the cranberry I was talking about.
Cranberry sauce would be much to squishy and soft to make a proper dildo, though an artificial cranberry sauce vagina
would be the perfect Thanksgiving treat for the sex-starved loser in your extended family. At least it would keep their dick out of the turkey this year. Stuffing, indeed!
Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2004 9:48 pm
by Ice Cream Jonsey
Debaser wrote:Cranberry sauce would be much to squishy and soft to make a proper dildo, though an artificial cranberry sauce vagina would be the perfect Thanksgiving treat for the sex-starved loser in your extended family. At least it would keep their dick out of the turkey this year. Stuffing, indeed!
... OK, the world's all messed up.
What substance am I thinking of? It's burgandy. Or purple. It comes in a can. When you get it out of the can, you simply hold it upside down and then nothing happens and then suddenly... PLOP! Out it comes. In the exact dimensions of the can.
Isn't that a can of cranberries? I can't remember what the hell it's called. Thanksgiving seems like it was a lifetime away.
Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2004 9:50 pm
by Debaser
Yeah, that's cranberry sauce. Cranberries are what it's made out of.
Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 1:46 am
by Lex
Jonsey, have you picked a goddamn fruit in your life? It seems like all of America operates on a "Peaches come from a can, they were put there by a man, in a factory downtown" system. Please tell me this is not so.
Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 9:48 am
by Worm
ChainGangGuy wrote:Maybe I've watched the SW trilogy too many times, but just as Luke saved his father, I too thought I could save my girl from the dark side. There is good in her!
Just, don't get your hand cut off.
Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 11:17 am
by ChainGangGuy
Worm wrote:ChainGangGuy wrote:Maybe I've watched the SW trilogy too many times, but just as Luke saved his father, I too thought I could save my girl from the dark side. There is good in her!
Just, don't get your hand cut off.
Or my balls. I will not beg!
We've agreed to meet tonight at midnight. Even in an electronical age of electronical wonders, it's still rather impersonal to dump someone via AOL Instant Messenger. So, I thought meeting her face-to-face would give me an advantage. We'll see!
Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 12:00 pm
by bruce
My prediction:
At 12:17, she will not have showed up, but you will receive a text message on your phone:
U R A J3RK. I H8 U. U R DUMPED. HEHEHE.
Bruce
Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 2:18 pm
by Worm
I think you really should inform her that she is on "The Darskide" with a large Star Wars analogy, oh yeah and link to her blog.
Posted: Sat Jun 26, 2004 7:07 pm
by Ice Cream Jonsey
This story needs a conclusion!
Posted: Tue Jul 06, 2004 11:51 pm
by ChainGangGuy
Alright, Robb, you talked me into it! Where did we leave off?
.
I'm terrible at posting drunk, so bear with me.
.
Well, the face-to-face meeting mentioned earlier did nothing but help provide me with the closure that getting dumped via AOL Instant Messenger just couldn't offer. Which I highly appreciated! End of story, right?
NO.
The ex-girlfriend has since infiltrated her way into my closest circle of friends and begun whispering dark thoughts into my friends' ears. She's already managed to sway a few people on the outer rim against me. That's right, she's trying to steal my friends from me!
Surely this wasn't the case! Who would do something like that?! Perhaps I was overreacting. That's when I received a text message from her -- she had considered bringing Tucky over to her side when she noticed her at a party last week. "But don't worry, I didn't talk to her -- this time."
This is absolutely fucking ridiculous!!
It's right about that time I got a phone call. From someone I hadn't expect to hear from ever again for the rest of my days. Ms. Britta P....
Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 7:17 am
by bruce
ChainGangGuy wrote:That's right, she's trying to steal my friends from me!
...
It's right about that time I got a phone call. From someone I hadn't expect to hear from ever again for the rest of my days. Ms. Britta P....
There's a monastery in Conyers.
At this point, I think it's your only hope.
Bruce