Jolt Country

I have found that putting the phrase "in my world"* in the beginning of a sentence you can say the oddest things and get away with it. Of course, in my world there are lobster weddings and exploding novelty porkchops.

THE
CATALOG OF FUN
AARDVARK

*For a swell party game, try inserting 'in my world' at the beginning of our President's tweets! It's better than saying 'in bed' at the end of a fortune cookie.

If someone could, I'd like them to draw a scene where there are bottles or jugs in a shelf rack, and next to the display are boxes marked "Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma" and on the display it says, "Free! Case of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma with every four quarts or one gallon bottle of Roundup."

The last time I did a request Billy ran away forever. I'd hate to see you run away from here.

Argh those photo bucket watermarks...

Hey! I didn't know Photobucket started adding watermarks on top of my stuff. Fuckers!

Now I have to trasfer the first seven pages of Crazy Doodles over to Postimage. Balls!

Please stand by...

THE
FIXIT
AARDVARK

OK most of them are better, I couldn't find some of them. Funny cause I redid 6+ pages of these using only my phone in an evening. I used to have to scan the whole page and then crop and edit them in Photoshop. I just took pictures of them in a good light and Bam! crop, edit and upload. The editing tools in my phone are better then the ones in my desktop, that's scary in a way. Some small improvements! I found a couple that had never seen the light of day and stuck them in. I made them all the same size now for better viewing. Some of them had been colorized after I uploaded them last time. It's like an Elvis box set or something.

THE
REMASTER
AARDVARK

I noticed that my phone turns on it's location by itself. This troubles me in a low key way.
It runs down the battery faster and Big Brother can pinpoint my kitchen table and nightstand.
What good is turning off the location if it just turns itself back on. Not something you'd want a chainsaw to do.
WTF!

Wrong thread!

Nah, I'm working up a crazy doodle based on a self starting chainsaw. That was just a teaser trailer of sorts.

bump! Jesus gets all stretched out on the cross because of the hot sun and he's made out of taffy and everything and two Roman guards look at each other and say:

"We're gonna need a bigger cross."

AArdvark wrote: Sat Jul 27, 2019 12:53 pm bump! Jesus gets all stretched out on the cross because of the hot sun and he's made out of taffy and everything and two Roman guards look at each other and say:

"We're gonna need a bigger cross."

Too offensive to doodle it, huh?

It really doesn't translate on paper

THE
NEEDS MORE
FUNNY
AARDVARK

I would have thought 'Ty-d-bowl swing" would have been funnier as "Toilet commits suicide" or "A toilet is lynched."

Paul this is your subconscious again, why would anyone want to Lynch a toilrtt? They're white.

You really are clueless, aren't you? Plumbing fixtures can be purchased in other colorz. Don't you remember, the time I gave my sister $50 because I wanted her to order a black toilet for the bathroom? And it really did look nice.

What do you mean, I'm clueless? I just forgot.

Yeah, well for over 10 years now when I have dreams you still have me walking around. Not once have I had a dream where I was in a wheelchair. And you still haven't come to terms with my amputation, I still feel a nonexistent knee, leg, foot, and toes at the end of my stump.

What's an amputation?

”Paul?”

Who is that? You are no nurse! You are no spirit!!

*A phantom leg skips in a horrific fashion towards the bed*

“Paaaauuul”

What the fuck!?

“Why did you leave me behind?”

How the fuck are you even talking?! You don’t have vocal cords! Shouldn’t you have been disposed of or misused in a pathology lab by now!?

“I have come for..”

What, my SOUL?! As if I REALLY believe in a fucking soul. I mean.. well.. I am talking to you right now so..

“SILENCE. Listen. For once. I have come for half of your next helping of stuffed pepper they bring you.”

But.. but I’ll be hungry! I should not have to sacrifice part of myself to YOU, a mere one third of my lower torso just because you fucked up! In fact, if anything I should be mad you are even demanding things from the body you have disconne..

“It’s a simple deal really. Leave half the plate as a ritual and I will make your wish come true.”

My wish?

“Next time someone doesn’t close the door on their way out, I’ll round-house that bitch all the way to the nurses station.”

Now I have to do leg cartoons.

Maybe I'll do a whole series, like The Butterheads. It'll be called the adventures of Paul's Leg. Not like he's using it anymore.

THE
REPURPOSE
AARDVARK

Jizaboz wrote: Thu Aug 08, 2019 9:53 pm *A phantom leg skips in a horrific fashion towards the bed*
“Paaaauuul
What the fuck!?
“Why did you leave me behind?”

AArdvark wrote: Sat Aug 10, 2019 11:25 am Maybe I'll do a whole series, like The Butterheads. It'll be called the adventures of Paul's Leg. Not like he's using it anymore.

I suppose I should laugh at this, but I'm not sure. I suppose that, for a reaction to this, I guess I'm stumped.

I love alcohol