I don't know if people would want domesticated aardvarks. I've heard they suck as a pet.
Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 6:15 pm
by AArdvark
There's an old Johnny Carson clip with Jack Hanna featuring an aardvark and a sandbox, for as to demonstrate the digging ability. The aardvark digs for a bit then takes a dump. Funny as hell!
THE
SOMETHING I'D DO
AARDVARK
Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 6:56 pm
by Flack
I was flipping channels earlier today and ran across a show named Bizaardvark. I got real excited but after the commercial break I learned it was about two young girls getting into misadventures and not the exciting adventure of a remote controlled telephone.
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 5:32 pm
by AArdvark
Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:07 pm
by AArdvark
Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2017 7:20 pm
by Ice Cream Jonsey
I would like to request a bit of explanation on the Joshua one. SIR!
Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2017 11:36 am
by AArdvark
Uh, as near as I can remember....there were three or four ingredients involved.
Pink Floyd , Dark side of the Moon
Woodford Reserve bourbon whiskey
There's a weird spot on the bathroom floor at work, if you squint at it just right it looks like a zombie/mummy.
and as an afterthought...Don't know anyone named Joshua, so no fear of accidental insult.
THE
DON'T GET WEIRDED OUT
AARDVARK
Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 9:56 am
by AArdvark
Im'ina stick this here because I don't have any new crazy doodles yet and I don't want to hijack the bonus thread.
One of the lower* guys came into the office yesterday afternoon and asked my supervisor for the aluminum magnet. He explained that the welding supervisor was looking for it. My boss sat back in his chair and with a straight face told him the shipping supervisor has it, go and ask him.
Off he went.
Now, as you all know, there aint any such animal as an aluminum magnet. You learned this in grade school science, the difference between ferrous and non-ferrous metals. Well, there are some lower* guys that were out sick that school day, apparently. A lot of guys.
This is a very old joke that is played on newbs and stupid, er, LOWER guys all over the world. It was tried on me (didn't work) back in the day and that was thirty years ago, so it's been around a while.
The guy came back ten minutes later with a sheepish look on his face and said to my boss: "The shipping supervisor told me to tell you to go fuck yourself."
"Oh really?" my boss replied.
"Yeah, I guess he doesn't have it either."
THE
WORKS WITH MORONS
AARDVARK
Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 1:27 pm
by Flack
We used to do the same bit at work, sending recent college grads (or better, the ones with "certifications") to go find the network cable stretcher. You know, for stretching those 6' cables into 8' ones...
The funniest version of this trick was relayed to me by my friend who used to be a McDonald's manager. He went down to the storage basement to get something and found the new guy down there "making cookie dough for the cookies." I forgot the entire recipe but it included "exactly 100 sugar packets" which had to be opened and added to the mix one at a time...
Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 3:21 pm
by pinback
I would have fallen for all of these, but I lack confidence in new situations.
Well, almost all new situations. BRB, I hear crying from the other room. Sounds like someone needs their morning backhand!
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:16 am
by FlyingCarp
pinback wrote: BRB, I hear crying from the other room. Sounds like someone needs their morning backhand!
I hope the Chinese censors that read Jolt Country take that as a joke...a boorish, sick joke.
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 1:40 pm
by Ice Cream Jonsey
She's already teaching ME Chinese! I'm saying BU YAO! to everything now, no matter who talks to me!
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 1:57 pm
by Tdarcos
pinback wrote: BRB, I hear crying from the other room. Sounds like someone needs their morning backhand!
"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again."
- Stewie Giffin quoting Jamie Gump in Red Dragon
I actually wrote one of those "Go get a left-handed monkey wrench" quest stories, for a sequel to Instrument of God called Willis and Friends.
In the afterlife, these people are talking about their (now) supervisor and how they sent her to get something that doesn't exist, only she made it even funnier:
Willis showed up in Sherry's office. He started singing, "Sherry! Sherry baby! Sherry!"
"That song was old when I was still alive."
"So what can I do you for?"
"This is Frank and Nancy. Frank is Nancy's Supervisor."
"I've met Frank before, I knew him back about, what, three years ago when we both were Welcomers under Sherry here?"
Frank nodded. "Yeah, it was about three years ago. Jesus, we had some fun times, didn't we?"
"Do you remember how we used to send new Welcomers out for ‘penis lubricant for self-anal intercourse?'"
"I heard the guys in the mail room teased the poor guys for weeks over that."
Sherry looked at Frank. "Have you forgotten, it wasn't just guys or even Welcomers that you did that to?"
Willis said, "Frank and I couldn't keep it in when you walked up to the supply room, and quite calmly said to the clerk-" He looked at Frank, and they both said in unison, "‘Do you have dick lubricant for when a guy wants to fuck himself in the ass?'" and both broke up with laughter.
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 3:20 pm
by pinback
Tdarcos wrote:
pinback wrote: BRB, I hear crying from the other room. Sounds like someone needs their morning backhand!
"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again."
- Stewie Giffin quoting Jamie Gump in Red Dragon
Wow, every single word of that attribution was wrong. Astonishing work, Commander.
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 3:38 pm
by AArdvark
Must be a singular book, that's all I'm saying.
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 4:47 pm
by Tdarcos
pinback wrote:
Tdarcos wrote:
pinback wrote: BRB, I hear crying from the other room. Sounds like someone needs their morning backhand!
"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again."
- Stewie Giffin quoting Jamie Gump in Red Dragon
Wow, every single word of that attribution was wrong. Astonishing work, Commander.
The quote was goddam absolutely perfect, you asshole:
[youtube][/youtube]
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 5:04 pm
by AArdvark
It was Jame Gumb and the book was Silence of the Lambs. The quote was correct though, just wrong book and character name.
THE
I HATE BEING A
CORRECTION
NAZI
AARDVARK
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:49 pm
by Tdarcos
AArdvark wrote:It was Jame Gumb and the book was Silence of the Lambs. The quote was correct though, just wrong book and character name.
I'm not sure, but like Anthony Hopkins' famous "slurp" which was his own idea, and absolutely brilliant, I'm not sure but I think this line only occurs in the movie. I had read the book as well, but I think this line was only in the movie.
Thomas Harris was a brilliant writer, he gave us Michael Lander who wanted to shoot 50,000+ people at the Super Bowl with rifle darts fired from a bomb attached to the Aldrich blimp in Black Sunday, then later invented Hannibal Lecter in Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs.
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2017 8:32 pm
by pinback
AArdvark wrote:It was Jame Gumb and the book was Silence of the Lambs. The quote was correct though, just wrong book and character name.
I said the ATTRIBUTION was 100% wrong, not the quote. Paul, this goes for you too. Both of y'all can suck it.
