Jolt Country Brings Out The Worst In Me(Still 100% MY Fault)

[pinback]

While we're at it, what is your favorite brand of cigarettes?

[Billy Mays]

I really enjoyed reading that story of your Paul. Good memories, and a caring family, now that is what life is really all about.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

So, while I'm at Safeway, I pick up another 20 pound turkey,

When I get home, she's shocked. She was only kidding about the dogs getting the turkey! But she says, it doesn't matter, we'll just eat it during next week.

In your defense, if family conspired to make me go to a madhouse like Safeway on fucking Thanksgiving Day, I'd adopt a lifestyle that prevented me from walking so that never happened again to me, too.

[Tdarcos]

I'm not sure which exact item you looked at.

Well, maybe I didn't see the lower-cost stuff since Amazon defaults to "Sort by Relevance" and you have to change the drop-down box to sort by price low to high.

The first one I saw on the page was 30 full size candy bars for $14.08 (47 cents each), and if you have Prime, it's free shipping.

Are you crazy? If I had 30 candy bars around the house I'd eat them! On the occasional times I do buy some it's one, maybe two, because I know they won't stick around more than a couple of days. If I can even get them to last that long.

What is your favorite chocolate bar, Paul?

I'm really more into fruit chews like Mamba, but if I had to pick something chocolate, possibly Butterfinger or York Peppermint Patties.

[Tdarcos]

While we're at it, what is your favorite brand of cigarettes?

At 55 years old, I can proudly say I am a lifelong non-smoker, and in opposition to you, a lifelong teetotaler.

[Flack]

I'm really more into fruit chews like Mamba, but if I had to pick something chocolate, possibly Butterfinger or York Peppermint Patties.

I agree, shipping chocolate could get messy.

I have just purchased and mailed a case of Mamba fruit chews to your home address. Amazon Prime says it will arrive in 2 days, although with a Sunday in there, it might be 3.

Order Number: 002-8903969-0040222
Mamba Fruit Chews, 2.65-Ounce Packages (Pack of 24) will be shipped to Paul Robinson by Amazon.com.
Guaranteed delivery: Oct. 3, 2016

According to Amazon reviews, the four flavors (raspberry, lemon, orange, and strawberry) are not evenly distributed in these cases. I expect a full report when they arrive, and possibly a bar graph or pie chart detailing the fruit distribution.

[Rare Amiibos Scalper]

According to Amazon reviews, the four flavors (raspberry, lemon, orange, and strawberry) are not evenly distributed in these cases. I expect a full report when they arrive, and possibly a bar graph or pie chart detailing the fruit distribution.

That is because each 2.65oz package is a 3 pack, where it is a random chance as to which of the 3 out of 4 possible flavors you will receive:

The best roll is: Strawberry, Raspberry, lemon
Followed by: Strawberry, Raspberry, Orange
Followed by: Strawberry, Lemon, Orange
The worst roll is: Raspberry, Lemon, Orange

(receiving doubles, or even triples, is exceedingly rare but it ranges from pares and sets of strawberry-raspberry-lemon-orange in this order dictates whether you got lucky or kind of screwed)

[Flack]

Review: Wish I would have read the other comments before ordering since I also did not get a single raspberry pack in the entire box. Now that I know, I will be sure to order something with all of the flavors.

---

Review: Tastes great other than the raspberry my least favorite (which I got in every single pack) The only reason I'm Taking out 1 star is that they left out orange flavor which would have been a whole lot better than raspberry.

---

Review: Everything was packaged fine and came on time, but the package and the wrappers all say raspberry was an included flavor. And I'm highly disappointed that there were not any raspberry as I got these for my best friend and that's her favorite flavor.

---

Review: I ordered these for my son, who LOVES the raspberry mambas. We opened up every package in the entire box to find a total of two raspberry packs (out of 24 packages). The rest have lemon, orange, and strawberry.

---

Review: Sadly in the entire case there is NOT ONE package of strawberry chews, my favorite. I don't know how or why that happens. Just know that this is possible and you may end up with less than a full assortment no matter how large a quantity you buy.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Flack bought sweet treats for Paul! This thread is going places! I think I will buy a bunch of red Starburst now.

[Rare Amiibos Scalper]

Review: Wish I would have read the other comments before ordering since I also did not get a single raspberry pack in the entire box. Now that I know, I will be sure to order something with all of the flavors.

---

Review: Tastes great other than the raspberry my least favorite (which I got in every single pack) The only reason I'm Taking out 1 star is that they left out orange flavor which would have been a whole lot better than raspberry.

---

Review: Everything was packaged fine and came on time, but the package and the wrappers all say raspberry was an included flavor. And I'm highly disappointed that there were not any raspberry as I got these for my best friend and that's her favorite flavor.

---

Review: I ordered these for my son, who LOVES the raspberry mambas. We opened up every package in the entire box to find a total of two raspberry packs (out of 24 packages). The rest have lemon, orange, and strawberry.

---

Review: Sadly in the entire case there is NOT ONE package of strawberry chews, my favorite. I don't know how or why that happens. Just know that this is possible and you may end up with less than a full assortment no matter how large a quantity you buy.

Yeah, some people hate the raspberry ones, and love the oranges ones, some people also enjoyed the third Godfather movie, that doesn't mean they have a valid opinion, that just means they are sick in the head.

[Flack]

Flack bought sweet treats for Paul! This thread is going places! I think I will buy a bunch of red Starburst now.

Amazon is dangerous. I haven't been able to find Willy Wonka Bottlecaps locally for years, but hoo boy, you can get a case of them with a single click through Amazon. My bathroom scale confirms this.

[pinback]

Billy? Permanent level available for a Flack text adventure transcript.

[Julius Caesar's Ghost]

Flack bought sweet treats for Paul! This thread is going places! I think I will buy a bunch of red Starburst now.

Amazon is dangerous. I haven't been able to find Willy Wonka Bottlecaps locally for years, but hoo boy, you can get a case of them with a single click through Amazon. My bathroom scale confirms this.

I should have mentioned this sooner.


http://www.joltcountry.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=9954

[Billy Mays]

Billy? Permanent level available for a Flack text adventure transcript.

Nice try pinback, but everyone knows that only ICJ has the authority to grant permalevels....

That being said, I would only be wiling to do that with the approval of a majority of the Jolt Country community, and the permission of Flack himself. Mainly because it is ifCOMP season, it would require some degree of research on Flack's website, and since turning over a new leaf: it has been kind of difficult getting back into the groove of being a total bastard towards people.

For example: I dissected Tdarcos' thanksgiving day post, got about 20 or so jabs in, and maybe only 12 or 15 of them are reasonably ruthless enough for me to be proud of, the rest not so much, so I saved the post as a Word doc in the event that I ever become welcome around here enough to start busting people's chops again.

[Tdarcos]

For example: I dissected Tdarcos' thanksgiving day post, got about 20 or so jabs in, and maybe only 12 or 15 of them are reasonably ruthless enough for me to be proud of, the rest not so much, so I saved the post as a Word doc in the event that I ever become welcome around here enough to start busting people's chops again.

I didn't say you couldn't keep throwing insults at me, I just said to dial it back a little, because one of them bothered me. Again, I don't know why that one did but the others were funny,

If you say something I am bothered by, I'll point it out. If you do that again, it may give me some insight into my own character and understand why it bothered me.

So go ahead, maybe I need more practice at being insulted in order to get my skin toughened up again.

[Billy Mays]

So go ahead, maybe I need more practice at being insulted in order to get my skin toughened up again.

"Mad About You"...so they keep buying another turkey.

This was your favorite part of that episode, right?

and since I could walk this happened over ten years ago

, or around 17 hippo years.

me and my brother went over to the Safeway in Alexandria to pick up the food for Thanksgiving.

Because the local animal park was closed for the holiday?

So, anyway, we pick up everything, load it into the van,

drove the van into the back of a tractor trailer, then piled everything else the store had in behind that.

and take it home, unload everything

that was left.

while my sister and (to a lesser extent) brother are busy making

bets on how quickly the ambulance would arrive.

my sister feels I'm too much in the way

of low flying aircraft.

so she doesn't want my help, except for things I can do outside of the kitchen, like peeling potatoes,

opening up jars, polishing off expired cans of cake frosting, watching the parade, basically anything to keep from provoking a feeding frenzy in you.

Well, she goes through and discovers we're missing a couple of items.

At no point was she surprised.

This is almost mandatory for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, there's usually something she forgets.

Like at what year did you start pulling objects into your orbit.

So I go back to the store and Bill decides to come along, I think he remembered something he wanted

Probably just felt like giving the fire department a hand this time extracting you from the van.

So I'm at the store picking up everything else,

literally.

and my sister calls me on the phone to add one more thing, rolls or jellied cranberry sauce or something.

And you interpreted "something" to mean pallets of honey buns.

then she mentions to me that the dogs knocked the turkey out of the oven and attacked it,

I guess dog was going to be on the menu that year.

and I'm reminded of the very incident in the movie, "A Christmas Story" where the Bumpass' dogs eat Ralphie's family dinner.

Normal sized people laugh during that scene.

So, while I'm at Safeway, I pick up another 20 pound turkey

for the cashier to scan till her shoulder blows out, while the manager is driving a tow motor out to your van.

When I get home, she's shocked.

That you outlived Anita O'Day.

She was only kidding about the dogs getting the turkey!

You still ate the dogs anyways.

But she says, it doesn't matter, we'll just eat it during next week

, she lies to herself.

[pinback]

Okay, Billy Mays exists, but none of the rest of you.

[Tdarcos]

and since I could walk this happened over ten years ago

or around 17 hippo years.

Nice try, but you should have said "about 70 dog years" so it would tie into your comments about dogs later on.

me and my brother went over to the Safeway in Alexandria to pick up the food for Thanksgiving.

Because the local animal park was closed for the holiday?

And this is where you started some of the funniest lines I've seen. I'm damn near busting a gut again and you almost ended the "I Can't Believe TDarcos Outlived" thread here.

My only comment would be, "Try again, I'm not Korean."

my sister feels I'm too much in the way

of low flying aircraft.

Nice try, but we generally didn't have drones back then. But it's still funny.

When I get home, she's shocked.

That you outlived Anita O'Day.

Now that's an old reference. My sister doesn't listen to music; I do. And I've never really been interested in Jazz.

She was only kidding about the dogs getting the turkey!

You still ate the dogs anyways.

I told you I'm not Korean. Since I'm an atheist I'm surprised you didn't ask why my diet consists of the recipes from Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal.

[Billy Mays]

and since I could walk this happened over ten years ago

or around 17 hippo years.

Nice try, but you should have said "about 70 dog years" so it would tie into your comments about dogs later on.

me and my brother went over to the Safeway in Alexandria to pick up the food for Thanksgiving.

Because the local animal park was closed for the holiday?

And this is where you started some of the funniest lines I've seen. I'm damn near busting a gut again and you almost ended the "I Can't Believe TDarcos Outlived" thread here.

My only comment would be, "Try again, I'm not Korean."

my sister feels I'm too much in the way

of low flying aircraft.

Nice try, but we generally didn't have drones back then. But it's still funny.

When I get home, she's shocked.

That you outlived Anita O'Day.

Now that's an old reference. My sister doesn't listen to music; I do. And I've never really been interested in Jazz.

She was only kidding about the dogs getting the turkey!

You still ate the dogs anyways.

I told you I'm not Korean. Since I'm an atheist I'm surprised you didn't ask why my diet consists of the recipes from Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal.

I went with hippo years because you are fat.

I went with animal park, not because of nationality, but because you are fat.

There are plenty of manned low flying aircraft, that you would get in the way of because you are fat.

You said the story took place about 10 years ago, Anita O'Day was a celebrity who died on thanksgiving in 2006, your sister was shocked you outlived her because you are fat.

And you ate the dogs at the end of the story because you are fat.

[Tdarcos]

I went with hippo years because you are fat.

I went with animal park, not because of nationality, but because you are fat.

I went with nationality because the stereotype is that Koreans eat dog while Americans generally do not.

And you ate the dogs at the end of the story because you are fat.

I would think I ate the dogs because I was hungry, my weight wouldn't make any difference as to whether I ate dog.

You know, this reminds me of my friend Andrea. While she wasn't obese like I am she was slightly overweight. And whenever she complained to the doctor about her medical conditions, "you're too fat" was usually given as the reason. You have migraines? You're too fat. You have back problems and a twisted spine? You're too fat. You have hair loss? You're too fat,