Jolt Country

Garlic wings?

Pinback did a nice thing by not mentioning how the ones that look like legs - you know the ones that look like legs?

I thought they killed tiny little chickens, and those were the legs.

Haha, right? Yeah. It's possibly the stupidest thing I've ever thought into my mid-30s.

Here is a NEW FOOD I could eat EVERY DAY.

Sometimes I have to go what I'll call "into town." There's no proper town in the town I live in. No "old town." There is, however, a post office, comic book store and a carnicería.

What I like to do is go into the carnicería and get two pounds of the carne asada that has been... argh, what do you call it when you soak something in, er, meat juice so it becomes rich and tender? They do THAT to it.

You play a game with them - you ask for two pounds and you get anywhere between two and three. I know that going in, so I don't care.

That, plus a tiny bit of either:
- cheese
- brown rice
- brown beans

and then a tortilla shell and hot sauce is a delicious taste sensation. Okay, maybe not, BUT STILL, I'd eat it every day.

Wait there is one more!

Savvyraven got me hooked on this. I take a little bit of cooking oil and place it on a frying pan. I put two piece of popcorn in the pan and let them pop. Then I dump enough popcorn to cover the pan, bring the heat from "WANTS TO BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN" down to just over "six" and pop those dudes up!

Add a bit of salt. It makes enough for like three go-rounds, and I am not ashamed to say that popcorn prepared in that way has been dinner two or three times in the last couple of months. I really don't miss butter, as I stepped down from having any at the very beginning. Now, if I could only do that with sugar, Coffeemate and coffee.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I thought they killed tiny little chickens, and those were the legs.

Haha, right? Yeah. It's possibly the stupidest thing I've ever thought into my mid-30s.

Welcome to our new feature, called THE TOP TWO STUPIDEST THINGS ROBB THOUGHT INTO HIS MID-30s.

1. Wing drummettes are actually the legs of tiny chickens.

2. You just eat the entire peanut, without removing the shell.


This concludes our new feature.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:argh, what do you call it when you soak something in, er, meat juice so it becomes rich and tender? They do THAT to it.

"Assed".

That's why it's Carne Asada, see.

Bruce

BONUS FOOD I COULD EAT EVERY DAY + WALMART-BASED RECIPE: Philly Cheesesteak



Look at that picture above. That's the banner for the website of South Philly Cheesesteaks, a chain of cheesesteak jernts which is so far and away better than any so-called "authentic philly cheesesteak" place in town, and in almost every other town I've ever lived in, that it's really shameful any other place would dare call themselves authentic. Or, you know, "good".

I have been there many a-time. I introduced Robb Sherwin to this place, and he was kind enough to agree that it makes every other cheesesteak place in town appear to be peddling twelve-inch, foil-wrapped tubes of hog feces.

But I got to thinking. Might there be an easy way to make a South Philly Cheesesteak cheesesteak at home? Might there be an easy way to make it cheaper? And just as good? Might there even be a way to make it... better?

Friends, join me on our quest. Our quest... for cheap, easy, awesome, homemade cheesesteaks!

STEP 1!!! Swallow your pride, put in some heavy-duty earplugs to shield you from the din of screaming children, go to a WalMart that has groceries in it, and get a box of THIS:



STEP 2!!! While you're there, pick up a yellow/brown onion (not pictured), and a jar of THIS:



If you'd rather use some other type of cheese, substitute that here, but I've tried 'em all, and nothing comes close to the tangy goodness of Whiz, in the context of cheesesteaks. The rest of this recipe assumes you've made the right choice, assumes you've made the Whiz choice.

STEP 3!!! Get the rolls.

This is the only hard part. You're gonna need those Amoroso rolls. Now, my local South Philly, you ask 'em for a six-pack of 8" rolls, and they'll give 'em to ya for a couple bucks. That's the only/easiest way I've found to get a hold of 'em. If you have no luck with that, and like me, haven't found a way to order them online, you may have to bite the bullet and substitute some other kinda roll. You're looking for a roll with a light, but still crispy, crust, and a nice spongy, chewy inside. I haven't found a suitable substitute, but maybe your local bakery can hook you up.

STEP 4!!! Make the cheesesteak, and you do that by doing this:

4a. Turn your oven or toaster on low, low heat and put the roll in there so it can warm while you're making the rest of it.

4b. Chop up a quarter of the onion and saute it in a little olive oil until soft. Set aside.

4c. Open that WALMART MEAT. You will find what looks like little sirloin patties. But they are not! They are finely sliced and chopped bits of sirloin pressed together and frozen to look like sirloin patties! Holy fuck! Take TWO of the patties and cook, following the directions. Basically you throw the patties into a hot pan, flip after a couple minutes, and then they start to fall apart into instant cheesesteak awesomeness. Best invention ever? I say AYE.

4d. When meat's about done, throw in the onion, and a heapin', HEAPIN' tablespoon (or two) of Cheez Whiz. As you stir it around for the next minute or two, it will melt and everything in the pan will start to coagulate into a gooey, Cheez-y, meaty fucking mess.

4e. Scoop the fucking mess into the roll.

You are now ready to have the BEST GODDAMN CHEESESTEAK YOU WILL EVER EAT, and a food that I, personally, could eat every day:

FOOD I COULD EAT EVERY DAY #1582: Green Chile



In my darkest hours, of which I have had many, when nothing else on this earth seemed to make it worthwhile continuing the hellish facade of existence a single second longer, the one thing that can give me the strength to keep going long enough just to reach the dawn of a brighter day, is this, the singular staple food of the southwest, and arguably the perfect food item ever to be invented.

It is green chile, by which I generally mean the "sauce" made famous in New Mexico and in some cases Colorado, featuring tons of New Mexico's finest "Hatch" green chiles -- like the Anaheims in your grocery store, but richer and a smidge hotter -- onions, garlic, and in most cases chopped pork to give it a little body. It is green chile, and I don't care how it gets into me, as long as it does.

Eaten like a soup, in a bowl, with flour tortillas for dippin'.

Poured over or under burritos, enchiladas, rice, potatoes, ramen noodles, pizza, fucking microwave White Castle cheeseburgers.

I don't care.

It goes with everything, and it goes by itself, and it turns anything it touches into one of the finest meals on the planet.

Green chile, man.

Green fucking chile.

FOODS I COULD EAT EVERY DAY: Baby Swiss Cheese.

It's a gateway cheese. "Oh, baby swiss, sure. Is that veal? BABY veal? I'll have that, too."

I did not get baby swiss yesterday at the grocer. Because I couldn't find any. I got regular swiss cheese. It is inferior.

I understand they keep the cheeses in small plastic igloos for the first three years. A cruel inhumane thing to do, but man is that some good cheese!


THE
SWISS
PARM
AARDVARK

Yeah, it definitely made me consider if I were going to exist in this culture as man or mo-MONSTER

fish tacoes!!!

Jack Straw wrote:Well, you can get one of these too but I don't know if you'd want to:

This was originally a picture of a box of ammo.

And the answer was no, Jack. No, they did not want it.

Best motherfucking of.

These sorts of lists usually imply that you are picking one meal, and eating that one meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the rest of your life.

As someone with a perfectly healthy body who has tried to accomplish this with more foods than I can think of, I can say that it is absolutely impossible in all but what I could only imagine are the most extreme survival situations in which case calorie/vitamin/protein multi-bars would probably suffice.

The longest I have ever been able to go is 3 weeks of the same food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This was my homemade spaghetti and meatballs which is a recipe from the Old World. I probably could have gone longer if I needed to, but I had no desire to do so whatsoever. Even pancakes become miserable after 2 weeks.

While I can't fault anybody here on their cuisine choices (maybe haggis, that is the one thing I've never tried, it might be really good, but it looks like...I was about to say a mound of pig assholes, but knowing that everything is fine when you're eating swine, a mound of pig assholes is probably really amazingly delicious if prepared correctly.), you do encounter other problems in trying to achieve this. Besides exhausting your desire to eat it on anything more than a drive for calories, you will eventually develop: the itis from pork, fish toxicity from seafood, a runaway colon from soup, oatmeal, chili, spicy, and cereal products, a dangerously rapid weight gain from burgers, cheesesteaks, and pizza, red meat in general will shave decades off of your life if that is all you consume, and chicken wings will eventually cause a combination of all of the above. And all of these things compound exponentially fast if you are not also including fresh fruits and vegetables into your diet as well as vitamin supplements.

If you are just referring to one meal as your dinner for the rest of your life, this is a more realistic goal, but you will still encounter those same problems in time.

If this is just a "food I really enjoy topic" then you are guilty of mischaracterizing it in the title and the OP.

Food Critic wrote:These sorts of lists usually imply that you are picking one meal, and eating that one meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the rest of your life.

No they don't, and it feels now like you're actively trying to beat Paul in the Spergianapolis 500. A list titled "foods I could eat every day" implies that you could eat them at some point in the day, every day, and enjoy them.

If this is just a "food I really enjoy topic" then you are guilty of mischaracterizing it in the title and the OP.

Wait, maybe this is Paul. Is this Paul? Hey Paul! Why aren't you logged in under your real name?

pinback wrote:Wait, maybe this is Paul. Is this Paul? Hey Paul! Why aren't you logged in under your real name?

The last time I posted on here using another name was probably back when I used the handle "Donald Ebinsen," so that's probably a couple of years.

pinback wrote:Wait, maybe this is Paul. Is this Paul? Hey Paul! Why aren't you logged in under your real name?

You're an idiot, even paul doesn't think he can get away with this statement:

foodcritic wrote:As someone with a perfectly healthy body . . .

Could we still enjoy these every day?

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: Sun Nov 15, 2020 8:05 pm Could we still enjoy these every day?

Let's find out! Here was my list:

Pho - Yes. However, the strangest thing is, we've lived here for, what, two and a half years. There's a pho place in town, about ten minutes away. Haven't been there once, haven't had pho for longer than that. I have no explanation.

Double Cheeseburger - Yes. I mean, if I still ate things that tasted good. Without question, could do this one every day.

Kalua Pig - Probably. Light enough that I don't think it was get old or weigh you down too much. It's not like, for instance, what we think of as BBQ. Because as we all know,

Lobster - Absolutely. (Haven't had this for years either, though. COLON OPEN-PARENTHESIS.

Cheese pizza - Not sure about this one. I'm going to say "no". All that cheese, good lord.

Cincinnati 3-way - Absolutely not. We do this once a week, and that's plenty. I think I was just overly excited about discovering it back then. Now that I'm in the belly of the Cincinnati beast, the bloom is off the rose (and covered in shredded mild cheddar.)

Malt-O-Meal Berry Colossal Crunch - I'll assume this was a joke entry. I mean, it's probably true, but I'll never know.

Frozen White Castles - Absolutely. We live within five minutes of an actual White Castle, but there's really no point to going there, because the frozen ones are indistinguishable from the fresh ones (if you add a slice of pickle.)

Wings - I could no longer eat wings every day. Once or twice a week, yes. Not every day.

Philly Cheesesteak - See Double Cheeseburger.

Green Chile - Of course.