The Revised Christmas Story
Posted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 5:54 pm
Posted 01/04/2013 on Caltrops
Luke 2
Luke 2
- And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Barack Obama that all the country should be taxed.
- (And this taxing was first made when John Boener was Speaker of the House.)
- And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
- And Joe The Plumber also went up from Ohio, out of the city of Cincinatti, into Columbus, unto the Rust Belt, which is called Bethlehem Steel; (because he owned a house and land near that place)
- To be taxed with Mrs. Joe, his espoused wife, being great with child.
- And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered a pizza from Dominos or Pizza Hut, depending on whose coupons are better this week.
- And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in an oil pan; because there was no room for them in the Motel 6.
- And there were in the same country parking attendants abiding in the lot, keeping watch over their cars by night.
- And, lo, the agent for a car dealership came upon them, and the glory of the Ford shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
- And the agent said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
- For unto you is built this day in the city of Detroit a new car, which is Mustang the Ford.
- And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the baby wrapped in loose clothing, lying in a an oil pan at a Jiffy Lube.
- And suddenly there was with the agent a multitude of the union membership praising the UAW, and saying,
- Glory to GM, Ford and Chrysler in the highest, and on earth high wages, and fuck non-union men.