Jolt Country

I've been a proponent and enthusiast of "craft beer" since I took my first sip of Sam Adams Boston Lager over 25 years ago and realized beer didn't have to taste like shit.

Since then, I'd wager I've had virtually every style from every country, and in most cases far too much of it.

It will then surprise you that at this point in my life I have switched, with very few exceptions, back to the style known in fancy circles as "American Adjunct Lager", or as you're probably more familiar with it: Cheap-ass garbage. While I would never say any of these are examples of quality beer, they do fit my lifestyle perfectly right now for the following reasons:

1. Price: Indulging in craft brews every day can quickly turn into a $10+/day hobby. In these difficult times, can we afford to be that frivolous?

2. Alcohol: As of 6/11/20, I am past the point in my life where I will drink enough to feel bad the next morning. There is little enough alcohol in these that by the time you even start to get drunk, you're too full/tired to continue. I feel 110% every morning, no matter how many I enjoyed the night before.

3. Calories: There are significantly fewer calories in these beers than anything that actually tastes good. I am still able to lose weight while enjoying my fill of AALs.

4. Ambiance: Face it, sitting in your midwest garage, looking over the cul-de-sac on a hot summer day, there's nothing better than sipping from a can of ice-cold, cheap swill.

Although it is fair to say all of these beers pretty much taste the same, I have however set out on a research mission to determine the best one. And when enjoyed one after the other, you will notice differences. So let's take a look at some AALs, and how they have fared in my investigations!

HAMM'S
Ohio Price: $15/30
ABV: 4.7%

The cheapest beer on this list, it remarkably manages to come through in the top spot so far in terms of taste. Though muted (as you would expect and demand from this style), actual malt and hop notes can be faintly detected under the tingly effervescence. Given it's one-two punch of relative quality and financial viability, I suspect this will become the "go-to" brand in the Parrish household for years to come, or at least until we move out of this area, since Hamm's is something of a regional thing. Speaking of regional:

NARRAGANSETT
Ohio Price: $20/30
ABV: 5.0%

Similar to Hamm's, but with slightly less hop profile, and a thus a touch more "smoothness"/sweetness, 'Gansett performs well. Its primary draw, of course, is the coolness factor of knowing you're drinking the same beer Quint pounded and crushed before Jaws ate him. I have to wait until someone on the street walks by before finishing one, so I can chug the remainder, crush it in my fist and stare at them in a very manly fashion.

LABATT BLUE
Ohio Price: $10/12
ABV: 4.7%

Though brewed in Canada, it still falls under the "American" Adjunct Lager style designation. Most of the malt/hop profile has been replaced by a clean fizziness and a strange herbal note. It's not hard to imagine pine needles from some icy, mountainous Canadian forest having dropped into the fermenting tanks. Low on flavor, still enjoyable due to its crisp, clean nature, that unmistakable piney character, and the cool, clean navy-blue cans.

BUDWEISER
Ohio Price: $11/12
ABV: 5.0%

Even among its humble peers, a remarkably poor showing from the "King of Beers". Virtually no malt/hop profile at all, it's easy to imagine you're drinking "beer-flavored soda". Since Paul is going to make his "sex in a canoe" joke eventually, let's get that out of the way now and admit that Budweiser really is fucking close to water.

Suggestions for further research and investigation are welcome and encouraged!

I'm begging the Commander to not make that joke.

Being from Buffalo, when I visit I get Labatt (AND Light! (which is just thinner)) which is a fine corn-soda for adults. Budweiser is designed by the finest science to not be objectionable to any palate. There is everything I woukd rather drink, but anyone who tells you they don't like the taste is lying. It is an impossibility. In this category I actually kinda like Michelob Ultra: little flavor and even less calories. From there I start to prefer the FANCIER pilseners, but they just taste like a bit of flavor and mineral water.

I like 'gansett at seafood shacks. Try it with a Maine lobster roll. Put hot sauce on that roll.

Placeholder until i get on a keyboard

Praying for a swift, safe return.

I like MGD but only from a 40. It's something like a status symbol to have a 40 in your hand, it says you have a lot of something and you don't need to get up anytime soon. Whatever you choose for your next beer, it should definitely be in a 40.

Well, I had a bad experience playing Edward 40 Hands with that Billy Dee Williams malt liquor once and probably wont revisit the 40 ouncers again, ever.

But let's visit Rochester's left side of the beer coolers for a minute, shall we? The cheapest beers are on the left and the most expensive imports / crafts are on the right. Against the wall, fighting for no place of honor are Keystone, Miller, Coors, Rolling Rock, and, God- help-us, Meister Brau (I'm excluding FX Matt's beer balls* because I want to stay friends with all of you)
Next to those down and outers you have your Genesee, which is trying to re-image themselves as a craft beer. Rochestarians know better, though. (there was once a cartoon showing a horse drinking out of a trough labelled Budweiser and pissing into a trough labelled Genesee 12 horse) It's good beer, don't get me wrong, and Jenny -is- a hottie, but it's just too ordinary to be a 'craft' product. They do make some good limited run stuff but the mass-produced staples are low on the beer scale. it's like buying a K-Car, It'll get you where you want to go, but that's about it.
After that, I dunno... Sam Adams, Labatt's and Molson? (Remember when going on a road trip to Canada to buy beer was cool? Oooo 7.8% abv, BABY!)
And from there it's onward and upwards into the aisles and aisles of craft explosion. I really moved away from the beer scene, mostly cause it triggers teh gout flare ups. I still have a plethora of beers from last Christmas/ New Years, when everyone came over and I wanted to make sure everyone had something they liked. I still enjoy a cold one now and then but they are few and far between.

THE
I BARLEY TASTED IT
AARDVARK

*There was a time in my life when every Friday afternoon I would stuff a beer ball into my fridge and it would sometimes last until Sunday....

Sam Adams should definitely not be included in your AAL list, or grouped in a list with Molson and Labatt's. It is not an AAL. Also I have no idea what your post was about. Are you just remembering what was in the beer aisle? Also you screwed up the Pinback Fat Thread. Also you're drunk. Also I demand an apology.

Genesee is trying to run PBR's playbook to appeal to The Youth. It's not what it was in the 90s, and it's not actually as good as what PBR is selling, which is also kinda crap. Rolling Rock and Beck's is right flavor-wise, but I don't think they are in the range of discussion, to whit:

Thinback is right: these beers should retail for about 50 cents/ea in a 30 pack. Anything that costs $2/bottle is RIGHT OUT. If it doesn't come in a 30 pack it is OUT. If that 30 pack costs (and I can't imagine any of them do) more than $25 it is OUT.

What does cheap beer cost nowadays? Asking for a friend.

(Waves hand in a languid manner)

Ok, sor-ree. For everything.

What is going on here?

Cheap beer is fifty cents a pop, yes.

Also did someone just group Rolling Rock and Beck's?

why do you hate America?

Well, I mean, Beck's isn't an adjunct, it's a true pilsner. Rollick Rock is cheap garbage. Beck's isn't cheap anything. That's like grouping Manischewitz and Barefoot Cab. Sure, the Barefoot isn't top of the line, but it's sure as shit in a different category than schewitz.

You don't have any idea what you're talking about, do you?

Oh wait, Happiness screwed up the Beck's thing. Let me amend that: NONE of you have any idea what you're talking about, do you?

pinback wrote: Thu Jul 02, 2020 6:22 pmThat's like grouping Manischewitz and Barefoot Cab. Sure, the Barefoot isn't top of the line, but it's sure as shit in a different category than schewitz.

I don't know what's going on here? Manischewitz concord grape tastes nice and I would be hesitant to use Barefoot anything for even cooking. Are you being ironic?

Barefoot is the type of wine that if someone gave you a bottle around the holidays as a "gift" then you would be perfectly entitled to use their bathroom and not flush afterwards. I'm hard pressed to think of anything else that would garner such a despicable act but receiving a bottle of barefoot anything is definitely there.

Well, that's ridiculous. This is all ridiculous, and you people have ruined a perfectly good thread.

AArdvark wrote: Thu Jul 02, 2020 3:28 pmWell, I had a bad experience playing Edward 40 Hands with that Billy Dee Williams malt liquor once and probably wont revisit the 40 ouncers again, ever.

I'd like to hear this story. I'd also like to hear pinback's take on the 40oz.

I was a Colt 45 malt liqeur guy from about 16-19. There was a store in the bad neighborhood I hung out in a lot that had an old man working there that gave 2 shits as long as you were not stealing or being an asshole. Later on a hooker looking chick took his role after his truck was fire-bombed by hoodlems.

In the beginning I would smoke a blunt with friends, buy one on the way home for smoking later.

Then when I was hanging out there later in the afternoon/early evening I would buy one, drink it while smoking a blunt (or 10) chill out/air out and go home to play Mortal Kombat or whatever a bit and pass out.

The final limit was doing the above but buying 2 40s.. one for out there and one for at home with Mortal Kombat. The walls would be spinning before I could even finish that 2nd one lol

After a couple of times of that I woke up with a bad hangover due to not eating enough, threw up, and it never tasted the same to me again. I can't stand to drink it now.

I never had malt liquor though it is something I always wanted to try, it seems like a lot of fun and they sound pretty tasty. About the closest thing I ever had to malt liquor is Steel Reserve 211 which is classified as a "high gravity lager" whatever that's supposed to mean. It came in a tall can somewhere around 24 ounces I believe and had a very distinct taste to it, it's what I imagine carbonated antifreeze would taste like even though I don't even know what antifreeze smells like let alone tastes like. It wasn't bad.

I just like the 40 for my MGD, which I won't even touch unless it's in a 40, and only had it two different times in the past but would consider buying it again. I remember you could shotgun it and not even put a dent in the bottle. Unless you actually shotgunned it which would obviously destroy the bottle. And the other thing about it is you could smash it against something to emphasize a point or settle a dispute so it gives you a bit of power as well.