Jolt Country

Where do we go from here, now that all of our children are growing up?

And how do we spend our time, knowing nobody gives us a damn?

pinback wrote:And how do we spend our time, knowing nobody gives us a damn?

I plan to beat off a lot. A lot more, even.

Bruce

Yeah, I'm jerking it on three-a-days now like Bruce. I am in the NFL training camp of Human Endurance... Jolt Country Style! Jack Del Rio gave me shit for not jerking it enough because some of these other impotent maggots went all limp dick on him. NOT ME.

We don't come here anymore to see you doing your Wacky Sysop routine, okay? Let's keep it real, at least for one week... for one frigging day, at least, okay?

We don't want your A-game right now.

We don't want you to be "on".

Get through all the piss and shit and lies, will you?

Let's hear it.

pinback wrote:Get through all the piss and shit and lies, will you?

Let's hear it.

What do you want to know?

Let there be no secrets that I keep from you, my loving, loved and faithful denizens.

Well, let's start with a simple one:

What the fuck is going on up there?

You want to know? Okay. I will tell you.

She got in around noon yesterday. She was wearing a red bandana that she won from some natives while wagering on herself in arm wrestling in New Mexico. But that -- New Mexico -- is not my story to really tell. I am sure she will be on to relate the details of that encounter.

We brought the cats up and set them free to explore the house. And explore the house they did! They got very three dimensional on Apartment #L201. There are lots of shelves for them to hop onto, and with any luck they will all make it down safely and not break their legs on the way up or down, because I don't have pet insurance.

We then had some Chinese Food! I know what you are thinking. "Cats and Chinese food. That is my equivalent of your saying 'assjack' all the time. Jerk." But it was just a coincidence. I had the duck, and the duck was very tasty. (I was ravenous by that point, having been up most of the previous 36 hours, and if a living, regular duck had managed to unfortunately find itself in Downtown Lovely Longmont, I would have backed over it and ripped it apart with my bare hands and consumed and consumed and consumed.)

It was then off to the Mall. Yes! For those of you wondering, it was the self-same mall where 'Pirate of the Caribbean' was watched, and where I accidentally drop-kicked an empty beer bottle (mine) ten rows forward after getting back from a bathroom break. I picked up a couple of books so that I can properly passively aggressively "read at her" when things -- according to the poll in the other base -- begin to turn very sour.

(On my side, I am trying to get her to read _When Gravity Fails_ next. I have no idea why: she will see that my entire life is patterned around Marid Audran and probably view me as a liar, cheat and fraud and be reminded of this fact every time she goes to the fridge and sees nothing but a bottle of gin and a bunch of limes.)

After this, it was quite dark, and we listened to some music (hers), attempted to get a computer going in the living room (mine) and had some crackers and sharp cheddar and wine.

Oh! That reminds me of what happened next. Did you know that the carpet of my apartment is so clean that a guy could eat right off it?

After that, I rechecked my work on the Photoshopped pornography that I sent you two days ago. Still lookin' good! How about an update on that, Pinner? How's that going for you?

I then woke up today to hungry cats, which I attempted to feed. They were so happy to be given food that they turned the bowl of the soft stuff upside down and one cat dragged part of its kill onto the carpet. Luckily I own some carpet cleaner, so I sprayed it. (At the Nine Lives food -- not the cat!!!!)

(Okay, the cat.)

(Kidding.)

(Not kidding.)

(Kidding.)

I then left. My goal today is to work as hard as possible for my company, and research all the available billiards programs available for the PC so I can "train" on my "computer." There's content in them there hills on that, I think.

What does the future hold? I'd say that I didn't know, but I suspect it holds drinks, mixed drinks, "Bitter" lager and me posting like a royal subject of the Emasculated Duchy and Idiocracy of Fagroitville and you -- Pinner! -- finding none of this remotely amusing.

Ever onwards!

Also!

I need to get a 100' network cable for the computer I just built. To make it Internet accessible. Until then, there is a very good chance that anyone you see on AIM or ICQ under the name "IceCreamJonsey" or "I *AM* The Law" is in fact Vitriola, because taking three seconds to figure out how to sign on another account is far too boring an activity to be done at #L201, which is sort of the "Studio 54" of apartments, actually.

I'd like to be the first to state that I believe this V+ICJ is a stichk for the sake of content.

She got in around noon yesterday.

Did you know that the carpet of my apartment is so clean that a guy could eat right off it?

ripped it apart with my bare hands and consumed and consumed and consumed.)

After this, it was quite dark

turned the bowl of the soft stuff upside down

Luckily I own some carpet cleaner

I guess I don't need to post any original stuff about 'first night'...

BTW: thank you for the access to Jonsey's Secret Download base! I wont tell anyone! Not even my MOB friends!


THE
THERE IS NO SECRET
DOWNLOAD BASE!
AARDVARK

Worm wrote:I'd like to be the first to state that I believe this V+ICJ is a stichk for the sake of content.

Every time you don't believe, a Sysop loses a ball. Please, think of the Sysops.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:every time she goes to the fridge and sees nothing but a bottle of gin and a bunch of limes.)

Oh, <i>Jesus</i>.

Don't put limes in the fridge until after you cut them. Otherwise they get hard as rocks and lose their flavor and it's like drinking a gin and tonic with a wedge of sandstone.

Further, if you're such a big <i>When Gravity Fails</i> fan, then why are you not drinking gimlets a la Raymond Chandler, which would be half vodka and half Rose's Lime Juice?

Bruce

If you are talking about Gimlets, you must try Tanqueray Malacca with a dash of lime juice. Incredibly smooth as Malacca's subtle flavor is great without much lime.

Yes, I top posted - you got a problem with that?

bruce wrote:

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:every time she goes to the fridge and sees nothing but a bottle of gin and a bunch of limes.)

Oh, <i>Jesus</i>.

Don't put limes in the fridge until after you cut them. Otherwise they get hard as rocks and lose their flavor and it's like drinking a gin and tonic with a wedge of sandstone.

Further, if you're such a big <i>When Gravity Fails</i> fan, then why are you not drinking gimlets a la Raymond Chandler, which would be half vodka and half Rose's Lime Juice?

Bruce

bruce wrote:Don't put limes in the fridge until after you cut them. Otherwise they get hard as rocks and lose their flavor and it's like drinking a gin and tonic with a wedge of sandstone.

Thanks. I didn't know that. I appreciate it.

Further, if you're such a big <i>When Gravity Fails</i> fan, then why are you not drinking gimlets a la Raymond Chandler, which would be half vodka and half Rose's Lime Juice?

Marid drank "gin and bingara" with, yeah, Rose's Lime Juice. But what the hell is bingara? Is that vodka? I can't go to the places I go to and say "bingara." If it's gin, vodka and lime I can do that.

(Also, kudos to my brother last night for telling what seemed to be a very long stretch of the bar that I specifically wanted a lime in my gin and tonic last night. I love him, but I hate him.)

The only problem with gimlets are you can't taste just how strong it is, so before you know it you'll be expending random bodily fluids without intending to.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Marid drank "gin and bingara" with, yeah, Rose's Lime Juice. But what the hell is bingara? Is that vodka? I can't go to the places I go to and say "bingara." If it's gin, vodka and lime I can do that.

I dunno what bingara is, but I <i>swear</i> there's something in there about a Raymond Chandler-style gimlet in there. That is waaaay too sweet for modern tastes (5 vodka to 1 Rose's is more usual these days) but nice if you're in a <i>Noir</i> kinda mood.

Bruce

bruce wrote:I dunno what bingara is, but I <i>swear</i> there's something in there about a Raymond Chandler-style gimlet in there. That is waaaay too sweet for modern tastes (5 vodka to 1 Rose's is more usual these days) but nice if you're in a <i>Noir</i> kinda mood.

Bruce

Noir the anime? The cinematic atmosphere? Or, is there something else called Noir? Because when I think Noir, I think absinthe and dark gothic dance clubs where candles are lit and capes are worn, and the average cost of every outfit in the room is more than I make in a week.

Also, last night I bought the ingredients to my favorite drink EVAR, that being... SoCo and Ruby Red grapefruit juice. Not only can you not taste the SoCo no matter how strong you make the drink, but the sweetness of it counteracts the juice perfectly to create a taste sensation never before appreciated by your mouth. Great drink to get girls feeling easy...

Vitriola wrote:Noir the anime? The cinematic atmosphere?

The atmosphere.

Vitriola wrote:Also, last night I bought the ingredients to my favorite drink EVAR, that being... SoCo and Ruby Red grapefruit juice. Not only can you not taste the SoCo no matter how strong you make the drink, but the sweetness of it counteracts the juice perfectly to create a taste sensation never before appreciated by your mouth. Great drink to get girls feeling easy...

Blaaaargh!

a) if you don't like the taste of alcohol, what the hell are you doing drinking?

b) Ewwwww too sweet. Blaaaaaargh!

c) I don't need 'em to feel any easier. I already have to keep them at bay with pitchforks and torches.

Bruce

I hate the fucking taste of liquor. And well Bruce, some of us dont have the pleasure you have by "holding off the women with pitchforks and torches" instead I am trying to reel them in with money and diamonds. And the women I am getting (i.e. HWR) I dont want. Its like she wanted me the whole time, was just waiting for Vitre-cola to leave. IT is actually true. Shane gets mad, HWR's boyfriend, Zekk panics and tries to get into HWR and I's conversation, because we're talking about anal sex and how much she likes to have her "Oil checked". I try to continue the conversation with how I am confused about my sexuallity, Zekk then changes the subject.......

Matedire wrote:And the women I am getting (i.e. HWR) I dont want.

Well, send her over here. I don't mind sloppy seconds.

Bruce