Halo for the PC, or How I Fucking Wasted $50 Today

[pinback]

Yeah. "Halo". The "#1 reason to own an Xbox". The "greatest FPS game in history." The "action game which revolutionized the genre."

The "game I wish I hadn't forked over the full price for earlier today."

I could get into the lush, rolling hills. I could get into the little buggy you get to drive around. I could definitely get into the weird, alien underground structure reeking of eeriness. I could probably even get into the goofy, wacky grunt aliens and their cute little "hyperactive retard child" routine.

What... yeah, I guess what I can't get into? I guess that would be having a 1 year old game which doesn't look much better than the original Half Life running about 100 times slower than said HL did on a computer five years since obsolete. I have a problem having to dial down most of the video settings and then having to modify the goddamn command line based on a brief scour of google groups (during which I found out that yes, Halo for the PC DOES suck, performance-wise) to even get it to run smooth enough to play at all.

And I'll admit to enjoying the first hour or so of playing, though there are rough edges at every turn, but now that I'm in the alien spaceship, featuring the same goddamn "big room full of aliens, followed by a few hallways, followed by another goddamn big room full of aliens, wash, rinse, repeat" that every lame-ass FPS since the dawn of time (or at least Wolfenstein 3D) has beat into the ground, I'm significantly less enthused. You want to talk to me about RTSes being played? Man, this experience has almost made me not particularly look forward to HL2/Doom3, etc.

In short, I want my $50 back.

[Jack Straw]

It runs fine for Xbox.

[pinback]

That's funny, most of the Google messages I wrote said, "There's no reason for performance to suck as much for the PC as it did on the Xbox."

But I'd hate to deprive you of your one avenue for deriving any satisfaction from this BBS, so by all means, keep dry humping your consoles to your analog thumbstick's content.

[Lysander]

Because as we all know, Google Groups (TM) know everything.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

What are you buying first person shooters for without consulting me?

Dude, go get "Kingpin." I SWEAR TO CHRIST it'll be worth the $9.99 that it will take for you to get it, that it will be a lot of fun and that it'll run smooth as silk on your PC.

Or if you want a shooter that will make you think and cry, get ZPC.

Halo... goddamn Halo. FUCK HALO.

Of course they were gonna make it run like shit: PC fan waited two and a half years for that great "game" and it wasn't worth it -- it was "better" on the X-box. Which is horseshit, because everyone has machines that run better than 733mHz right now.

There are other, better first person shooters out there.

Hell, Serious Sam was a lot more fun than Halo.

[Jack Straw]

That's funny, most of the Google messages I wrote said, "There's no reason for performance to suck as much for the PC as it did on the Xbox."

Man, I know the PC port blows. I have said myself that they probably released a broken non-updated port on purpose. But to say that the performance sucked on Xbox or that the thing wasn't the best launch title, er, ever? is a fucking joke funnier than anything on this BBS.
When I brought my Xbox to JQW's house for some ho'down Dukematch type shit, he saw my Xbox. Before he saw me, before he saw my car, even before he saw me take a good chunk of paint out of his rear bumper and take off never to be caught, he saw the Xbox. He FELT it. When we loaded up Halo, he ran around the map like a fool trying to find a technical problem with it. He spun around ridiculously like some strange monkey top way faster than anyone would be panning in game. No clipping. (NOTE: this may just be his lack of keyboard and mouse and his drunk-on-cranberry-juice attempt to control an FPS using a gamepad) He got up close on just about everything like he was trying to hump it or something. Grass, bushes, trees, everything looked crystal up close. This is on his 27" tv with regular RCA connections. At home I have it hooked up with component but a 27" crt (flat at least), I can't imagine having an HDTV.
If Halo was weak in one area it would be variety of enemies. But at the time, the whole flow of the game (how it hardly ever loads) the intelligence and brutalness of the big guys, the kick ass polished presentation, and it being a FUCKING LAUNCH TITLE make it a classic.
Compare a title like Halo to ANYTHING in the pile of shit that was out for the PS2 for launch and months after that. The Dreamcast consistently had better titles coming out for it even after the "death" of the console. I still maintain a hell of a lot of Dreamcast games exceed PS2's..Shenmue I&II! Soul Calibur? Skies of Arcadia.. they started the online thing with PSO. Tony Hawk DC was better than the Playstation versions. SC is all we played for a year straight until my DC broke.
<sob>
OK, enough DC love. back on track. There is one part that Halo has a technical gl(itch) and it's at the very end when you're barreling through tons of shit in a Warthog, and you jump a tunnel while shit is blowing up around you. It pauses for half a second. That's the extent that the performance on Halo "sucked".

GodDAMN it. I just realized that you said "most of the Google messages I wrote said". WROTE? I thought you were trying to say you READ that people said that. Of course that's a load of shit.

You know what, Pinner?
You're a real fucking asshole.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

GodDAMN it. I just realized that you said "most of the Google messages I wrote said". WROTE? I thought you were trying to say you READ that people said that. Of course that's a load of shit.

You know what, Pinner?
You're a real fucking asshole.

I don't think he wrote that. He's never used an Xbox, I don't think.

[pinback]

That's true. I wanted to buy one, but I COULDN'T FIT IT THROUGH MY FRONT DOOR!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL.

(Because, you know... it's pretty big.)

[Lysander]

THE XBOX IS NOT THAT BIG SHUT UP SEGA FANBOYS

Pssst! Jonsey!

The, uh, batphone is calling you!

I am being subtle!

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

That's true. I wanted to buy one, but I COULDN'T FIT IT THROUGH MY FRONT DOOR!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL.

(Because, you know... it's pretty big.)

I was going to help you buy one, but as I got close to the store that sells them, I was crushed by the exponentially increased gravity resulting from the black hole of gaming that they created.

(Because, you know... they're pretty big.)

I DECLARE THIS THREAD THE 2K4 XBOX IS BIG THREAD!!!

[Lysander]

I will now take apart the X-box, and use the case to fit a Dreamcast, Gamecube and PS2 all-in-wonder system. With the extra space I intend to devote to an MP3 player and a disc changer. The X-box--when you want the powerful of sharp graphics, smooth sound, and the heartstoping power to club a person unconscious--with the controler, no less--except no substitute. (I mean, obviously the controler. You'd probably give yourself a hernia trying to lift the system itself. (Because, you know... they're pretty big. (But I digress.)))

PS: Jonsey, check the goddamn TK board, you jackass.

[Jack Straw]

They don't make the big controller anymore. They haven't for awhile.

[pinback]

Probly cuz they used up all the MOLECULES in the UNIVERSE making the old ones! ahehaehaehe

[Worm]

I had this on a system that ran it fine, maxed out at 1024 x 768. Still wasn't really great. The life bar system allowed for almost prepetual life if you weren't a tard. My last straw was when I was following around that stupid little cube having zombies attack in an area I had to be teleported to.

[pinback]

Boy, for a guy who hates Halo as much as I do, I sure am playing a lot of it.

I'm praying every moment that it'll be over soon, but there I am, shooting at the same four bad guys over and over again, listening to the ridiculous story unfold via the horrible voice acting.

HALO! Catch the FEVER!

[Lex]

The chick that play Cortana is Super Hot; she appears sometimes in Stargate.
Try playing a level of Halo (probably the one called HALO) on Legenday difficulty; it's quite a different experience. You have very little shields so it becomes much more tacticle, and 1 red elite is a perfect match to a good player. It means you really have to think on your feet if you are squaring off with two of them and a blue backing them up.
I like how they decided to remove the one really enjoyable element of Halo out: co-operative mode. Co-op on Legendary is, as you can imagine, Legendary.

[AARDVARKS LIVER]

Apparently, SOMEONE just swallowed a bottle of rubbing alcohol and ran through a brush fire, because I have to scrub all the poor little red blood cells clean of booze and smoke while that stoopid brain tries to make sense of this thread.

Halo is a great game for the Xbox. any other system and it would suck like monkeys. Specially the PC. You can tell it was made for a console. Porting it for a compuer was just a way to make quick cash on it.


THE
I WOULD KNOW
CAUSE IM A LIVER
AARDVARK

[Jack Straw]

Quick cash if you consider 2 years after the game was released for Xbox, quick.

[pinback]

Halo is a great game for the Xbox.

How can a game which consists of levels that adhere to the design theory of "make the player go through the same three rooms SIX TIMES" be considered a great game, regardless of the gaming platform, when even the original DOOM didn't have the balls (or lack thereof) to do the same thing?

Pitiful.

So here I go again, to hopefully finish this bitch tonight so I can uninstall it and never speak of it again.

[pinback]

HALO: FINISHED.

Now, let us never speak of this again.

Except to say...


--- [ SPOILER WARNING!!! ] ---

(At the very end...)

"That's the end!" - AI Skank.
"No, I have the feeling this is just the beginning." - Master Chief

Yeah, no, sorry Chief. That's the end.

YOU GO BYE BYE NOW!!!