Jolt Country

So, y'all who are interested will be learning from your own sources, and some stuff is still unknown (Sega's *big* announcement, etc.).

However, the two big things this year are, of course, the handhelds. Sony's PSP, and Nintendo's DS.

It looks like this



The DS features dual screens, and does stuff like this



It also has a host of neato features: WiFi wireless, and Internet abilities, mean that this thing can be played with 16 people. Including giant-playathons of dual-screen versions of all your favorite Wario Ware games.

The system has One(1) 3D(tm) Processor, and 1(One) 2D(:() processor: Each one is linked up to both screens, so different 2d/3d thingies can happen on each.

Both screens, I think, are touch-sensitive. The Metroid demo shows had the guy "mouslooking" with his finger while he played Metroid against some bots.

Wario Ware and Mario 64x4 are the two interesting-sounding titles coming out right now, and though everyone agrees it's an "innovative feature", no-one has so far really thought of a way to use the dual-screens coolly, only to de-clutter one of them, ie, tap your finger on the item/spells you want to equip/use in your RPGs.

It has six buttons, which is a nice change, and it looks like the DPAD and Action Buttons are built to be swapped around, for the lefties who can't use a stylus in their right hand.

However, it doesn't have an analogue stick.
Welcome to the fucking future, also known as 1996. They are making Mario64 again, this time with 4 realtime players to adventure around together: For those of you who don't know, it was a fantastic, moving experience to control Mario for the first time with that little stick, and it just won't be the same without analogue control for his movement.

Sony's PSP is fucking huge, and is a pseudo-portable console. Seriously, I'd post an image here, but Jonsey would kill me for ruining his IMG table.


It looks like this


It does stuff like this:




It's features are a little... odd for a portable console. For one, it has 7.1 Surround Sound. Let me say that again: It has Seven Point Fucking One Surround Sound. It has a banner at the top, presumably full of speakers. Now, this thing is huge, but simply not big enough to give even a realistic stereo effect with speakers mounted either end. This fact and the fact that even 5.1 surround sound headphone speakers are very rare and expensive items, leaves me wondering.

It also has an analogue stick, but the D-PAD looks like shit. The screen is set "widescreen" style, for you Beyond Good & Evil fans.

The End.

I should also point out the one "Innovative Feature" I heard about the DS: The new Pac-Man game.

Here's the deal. You have a limited amount of "digital robot ink" or, as phruitcake suggests "Pac", or perhaps "Pacjuice".... Mmmm....

Sorry, right, yeah. Basically, the ghosts move around on the top screen. You *draw* a pac-man, with the stylus, looking in the right direction you want him to move. You do other stuff with the stylus to place him on the other screen, probably.

The best bit is, no matter how horribly paraplegic and deformed you pac-man is, he becomes animated in some ghastly parody of life, and hobbles around the screen collecting his pills. Then you draw him again.

THE END.

I'd like here to state that having an item that plugs into a TV use batteries is awful. i.e. those atari joystick all in one things.

Oh, and current wireless things blow because only games like Araknoid and Bust a Move should be on portable.

I find Arkanoid too slow now: I'm going on to meatier bat-'n-ball games.

Oh oh oh oh: The other thing is the DS, with all it's strange new features, also has a mic. So, the only cool idea I've seen is a Rainbow Six game on it: See the map-view on one screen, which you always use anyway, and first-person Tom Clancy goodness on the other. you could stick cameras to walls & stuff Splinter Cell style and have it appear on the top screen. The mic can be used to issue orders.

I don't really like Tom Clancy's games: Games' are supposed to be fun. But I do like Rainbow Six 3, which I didn't expect: I can say "Open, Frag & Clear on Zulu", and they'll do something! It's excellent.

So, yeah, when I have a real job I'll probably be getting both, anyway. Even though I hate the way Nintendo releases the minimum-necessary specs on their consoles, it does look like it might do some cool stuff.

But, really, who wants to mouse-look with their thumb all over the screen when playing Metroid?

Who wants to play anything but an entirely 2d game on a hand held? I just don't fucking get it. I like 2d games like Adventure Island and Guerilla War. I simply don't believe that I should have to sit down and blow on a cartridge to play them when they can be minuatirized. Granted not having them on a big screen is bummer, but they could make it so you could hook up your handheld to a TV or something. I just wish they would take all that microcomputer know how and make something fun that won't be a fucking bore in a few years because everyone got tired of buying batteries.

Worm wrote:I'd like here to state that having an item that plugs into a TV use batteries is awful.

Granted not having them on a big screen is bummer, but they could make it so you could hook up your handheld to a TV or something.

So was this Mr. Wormy Jekyll and Hyde or what??

Another World or Out Of This World, depending on what territory you live in, is coming to the GBA.

Wirelessly playable four player Super Mario.

*regresses to rabid fanboy stage and sits drooling quietly in the corner*

Jack Straw wrote:

Worm wrote:I'd like here to state that having an item that plugs into a TV use batteries is awful.

Granted not having them on a big screen is bummer, but they could make it so you could hook up your handheld to a TV or something.

So was this Mr. Wormy Jekyll and Hyde or what??

Well, in quote #1 I'm talking about those little 10 in 1 joysticks that can ONLY be plugged into a TV which are found around power outlets but the joystick uses batteries.

As for quote #2, basically all handhelds have AC adapters.

Wait, regarding this DS thing...

Nintendo knows that I only have one head, right? And that my eyes sort of go together? They do know this, correct? I am not sure they know this.

Ah, shit, I thought Fail Math did that bit already after I posted that, and they did.

http://www.failmath.com/archives/0104.htm

ahahahahhaha

Keza wrote:Wirelessly playable four player Super Mario.

*regresses to rabid fanboy stage and sits drooling quietly in the corner*

Um........ fanboy? 'Scuse me for being sexist, Keza. Hope the exams are going well.