Jolt Country

So there I was, sitting here at my desk at about 11:30 AM yesterday, minding my own business, and definitely not doing anything productive, when I get a call from my boss. "Dude, I need a huge personal favor. My fiance [who is pregnant] is having a lot of pain, and needs to go to the hospital, and I'm like an hour away. Can you pick her up and take her there?"

Let's look at the facts here:

A. I've never met this woman, and have no idea where they live, or where the hospital is.

B. But, hey, good excuse to get the hell out of the building, right?

So, I hastily scribble some directions down and wind my way over to their place, where this young lady (20 years old, I am to understand -- my boss is mid-30s, but whatever) is sitting outside on the stoop, looking very distraught.

I pack her into the car, and say, "Where's the hospital?" She's half in tears already and says, "I don't know!" Interesting, interesting. Anyway, we get the boss on the phone and he's giving me directions while I'm driving.

And she's whimpering and crying and making all sorts of "I am in serious pain and demand attention" sounds, and I'm pressin' the gas pedal harder and harder, and she's crying louder and louder, and Jesus, we haven't even been introduced yet! It was like a movie! I'm screaming around corners taking a pregnant woman to the hospital!

24 hours later, and here are the three things we know:

1. The fiance is alive.
2. The baby is dead!
3. I AM A HERO! Everyone's coming up to me telling me how great I am for doing that favor, and how I probably saved the girl's life, and I should be the next Pope, and I'm secretly thinking, "Hey, I was just trying to sneak out of work for a little while."

But, there's definitely no getting around the fact that...

I DECIDE WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES!!!

This story is bogus. If she had gone into labor, why didn't the guy just call her wife an ambulance?

In Washington DC, all the ambulances are booked up by those who got stabbed, shot and audited only moments before.

Ben, that's really a great story and I'm glad it worked out for everyone in the end.

chris wrote:This story is bogus. If she had gone into labor, why didn't the guy just call her wife an ambulance?

Because my boss is a man of color, and as we all know, 911 is a joke in yo town.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Ben, that's really a great story and I'm glad it worked out for everyone in the end.

Yes! Frankly, I can't think of how it could have turned out better for me, personally.

Unless while making a wild, high-speed turn into the hospital, I ran directly into a truck carrying nothing but huge stacks of $100 bills, and the force of the impact broke into the storage compartment and simultaneously killed the driver, so I was free to load up the Prizm to the hilt with CASH!

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Ben, that's really a great story and I'm glad it worked out for everyone in the end.

Didn't work out for the kid. I blame Pinback's poor motoring skills...you KNOW you're not supposed to shake infants!

Let's look at the facts here:

A. I've never met this woman, and have no idea where they live, or where the hospital is.

B. But, hey, good excuse to get the hell out of the building, right?

Last time I bring this up.

Let me gets this straight. When you are empolyed with stuff to do, you pick people up you don't even know.

When you have done jack shit for a year and one of your best friends brother is stranded at the Airport you are unavailble. WTF?

Mike Sherwin wrote:

Let's look at the facts here:

A. I've never met this woman, and have no idea where they live, or where the hospital is.

B. But, hey, good excuse to get the hell out of the building, right?

Last time I bring this up.

Let me gets this straight. When you are empolyed with stuff to do, you pick people up you don't even know.

When you have done jack shit for a year and one of your best friends brother is stranded at the Airport you are unavailble. WTF?

Yeah, last time you bring it up. Sure.

Mike Sherwin wrote:When you have done jack shit for a year and one of your best friends brother is stranded at the Airport you are unavailble. WTF?

You should have told me you were "with child".

pinback wrote:

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Ben, that's really a great story and I'm glad it worked out for everyone in the end.

Yes! Frankly, I can't think of how it could have turned out better for me, personally.

Not just you! An easy, fun time by everyone else involved... the woman... your boss... the doctor (got through with this case quickly!)... everyone.

... hmm..

... Yup! Can't think of anyone else, it worked out great for everyone!

Good times!

Ben, are you the God of life/death?