Jolt Country

GAME: Cellblock Squadrons
LOCATION: http://www.superfurious.com/
GENRE: 3D Space Shooter
STATUS: PURCHASED

I think it is fairly safe to say that if you like flying spaceships and shooting at things, and you play the demo of this game, it will be virtually impossible for you to not immediately grab your wallet and buy it (or grab your warez buddiez by the penis and have them get you a copy). The game itself is utter simplicity. You use the mouse to fly around, the buttons to shoot things, and... well, that's pretty much it. The first demo mission has you squaring off with a few buddies against a few baddies, and that whets your appetite. That's fine. But then once you get to the third demo level, you begin to see amazing things. Now it's about a HUNDRED (literally) of your guys, against a HUNDRED (literally) of their guys, and it looks like something straight out of Battlestar Galactica, or the last fight scene in Return of the Jedi, or something. And the game looks so GOOD while it's doing this, that it truly winds up being a near-awe-inspiring experience.

Then you buy the game.

Then you play ten missions or so, and are in love with the game. You're flyin' around, chasing bad guys, and taking down HUGE capital ships by shooting at them ten thousand times.

After the twentieth mission, it's still cool, but you're starting to wonder, is this it? Going up to gigantic capital ships and holding down the fire button for ten minutes?

After the fortieth mission, you have your answer. Yes. This is it. Go up to capital ships and hold down the fire button. You look GREAT while you're doing it, and billions of things are flying around and exploding all around you. Meanwhile, you're eating a ham sandwich with your other hand, and kinda wondering what else you could have done with that $25.

I will give this game ***, because until I got sick of it, it was a heck of a lot of fun, and it does look great, and it does have some cute role-playing features to keep you wanting to play just one more mission. But I can't give it any higher rating than that, because I DID get sick of it, and right quickly, too.



GAME: ULTRATRON
LOCATION: http://www.puppygames.net/ultratron/
GENRE: Robotron Clone
STATUS: Played the demo once and deleted it.

This game has the coolest voice effects of any game I've ever played! Sounds like Cylons, but much much better and scarier and cooler!

The only real problem with the game, then, is that everything else but the voice sucks. The enemies move more like Daleks than like the bloodthirsty scum from the original game, and RETARDED, SLOW-MOTION Daleks at that. What is this, Robotron for stroke victims? I played the demo -- a single game of it, mind you -- for at least a half hour, which is how long it took for it to get remotely difficult, and then I died three times in 15 seconds. What a piece of shit!

My advice, get it, run the demo, but turn the monitor off, so you can just enjoy those awesome voice sound effects!

Rating: *



GAME: ASTROGEDDON (I think)
LOCATION: http://www.ortsoftware.com/ag.html
GENRE: Asteroids Clone
STATUS: Played Demo once, ALMOST bought, but didn't.

Well, it's like Asteroids, but BIGGER, and BADDER, and more ENEMY SHIPS, and POWERUPS, and hypnotic BACKGROUND GRAPHICS which SPIN AROUND and big EXPLOSIONS and FLAMETHROWERS (!) and STUFF!

So it's fun.

But no matter how they try to spruce up and fancy up the original, the farther away they get from the magic. They might KNOW Asteroids...

...but they just don't understand it.

**1/2

UPDATE!

I broke down and purchased Astrogeddon. It's still no Asteroids, but it IS an excellent hand-eye test, and it DOES have reverse thrusters, which are fun to use, and it DOES have some of the coolest explosions in arcade gaming.

So, you know. It's good. It's a good, good game. It is definitely worth $10 of your cash.

Of course, it costs $20.