Jolt Country

For the last several nights, I've devoted hour upon hour to doing two things:

1. Playing Earth & Beyond.
2. Drinking tequila while playing Earth & Beyond, waiting for my ship to travel to the next station.

I haven't quite yet figured out what the point of this damn game is, but it sure is fun to just dick around with, and the sights are sure pretty.

(I'm "Pinback", if you're on there and want to GROUP. Let's GROUP!!!)

I have heard nothing about this game. Not a goddamn thing.

Where can I learn more about this game?

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I have heard nothing about this game. Not a goddamn thing.

I don't understand how this is possible.

Here's a review, anyway:
http://www.gamesdomain.co.uk/gdreview/z ... eyond.html

I skimmed that review. It looks like a quality game. Why don't you break it down, Bobby Brown?

o How much is it per month?
o Is the lack of PVP a good thing? I would imagine that it is.
o Is the gameplay a lot like Privateer or Elite?

No, seriously, answer my goddamn questions, Parrish. This is important. I can't decide whether or not to subscribe unless I get some facts in me.

o How much is it per month?

$12.95, unless you buy in bulk, in which case it's a buck or two less.

o Is the lack of PVP a good thing? I would imagine that it is.

I would also imagine it is, though I have nothing to compare it to. However, I wouldn't expect this "no PvP" thing to last too much longer. I think they're preparing to unleash ourselves on ourselves.

[quote[o Is the gameplay a lot like Privateer or Elite?[/quote]

I didn't play either of them enough to be able to compare them to E&B.

GLAD I COULD HELP!

>> [quote[o Is the gameplay a lot like Privateer or Elite?[/quote]

Nice job.

Eh, I really have sworn off all MMORPGs. Does this redefine the genre? Or am I still running quests that remain the same from the first day nil the fine tuning to make it fair? Am I just gathering gold until I can buy the next thing that I need to kill that thing so I can progress and get that other thing which will allow me to do the quest which gets me the final thing?

This game would have some appeal to me if I could hook up with Ben and a few of you guys and go out and run missions or whatnot in our little spaceships. For instance, I'm envisioning some kind of thing where we have to go get cargo from Planet X, travel through Asteroid Belt Y and then fight off Pirate Group Z. If this isn't what the game is like at all then I need to seriously cram it and lose my illusions.

Elite or Privateer, but in MMORPG mode, could be cool. I'm probably just getting old, but the thought of worrying about PVP when I am not in the mood doesn't appeal to me a whole lot. I barely have the time when I get home from work to engage in meaningful entertainment software intercourse -- having to worry about some kid who has been on for 12 hours and who is wallhacking (er, or whatever the equivalent is in outerspace) and who is stealing my greedos would just make me paranoid and unhappy. Don't get me wrong -- I think that vast PVP definitely has a place, but I have spent every single minute of every single hour in every single MMORPG that I've played in conflict... sometimes, a brother just wants to relax for a bit.


Additionally, the greatest story I have ever heard in regards to MMORPG is strictly due to player versus player -- I've mentioned it before, but there was a group of guys who were on Ultima On-Line in the early days who would send one of their guys to go find a girl to "cyber" with. He would bring her to their house. They would go ahead and have "cybersex." Right as he told the girl that he was climaxing, his buddies would all descend from the top floor of their house and player kill her. That's the kind of "gaming moment" that Will Wright and Shigeru Miyamoto spend their entire lives trying to create. (Well, if they were into "cybering," that is.)

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:This game would have some appeal to me if I could hook up with Ben and a few of you guys and go out and run missions or whatnot in our little spaceships.

Well, G, whaddya waitin' for? Let's kick it outer-space style!

Can you do the stuff I just mentioned? Can we form our own little group and go fly missions and evade pirates and all that other group-hug namby-pamby BS? .

Also, do you have to buy the game *and* pay a subscription?

I know that (if you do have to do it that way) you are going to get very sarcastic with me for asking that question, as that's what you have to do with every other MMORPG. So please have some mercy on me.

OK, I went to their website.

Apparently we can play as "Defenders" and "Sentinels." Let's see. Any game that chooses two of the greatest wares ever to name their classes is 100% A-OK Romp-In-The-Hay with me.

What class are you, Ben? I'm thinking that we could have a solid party if it went something like this:

1) You play as whatever the fighter class is called
2) I play as the "Trader" / Han Solo class
3) I talk an enormous amount of shit to every single sentient, gamemaster and bot that is anywhere near us
4) You then shoot anyone who attacks us while I go run and hide

(edit: Wait, there's no PVP in this. So there's no real reason to shoot our mouths off... we might even make "friends" with people on this, seeing how there's no need to call someone a newb fagort. Remarkable, Captain!)

I'll go buy it tomorrow.

Oh, and I request that after I join you change your name to "Lt. Cmd Beefeater." I'll be named after the Bizarro-Worlded 16th Vice President of the United States --> Cannibal Hamlin.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Can you do the stuff I just mentioned? Can we form our own little group and go fly missions and evade pirates and all that other group-hug namby-pamby BS? .

Yes. Team play is encouraged, and in fact imparts bonuses on the players involved in the team.

Also, do you have to buy the game *and* pay a subscription?

Yessir.

I know that (if you do have to do it that way) you are going to get very sarcastic with me for asking that question, as that's what you have to do with every other MMORPG. So please have some mercy on me.

noob fag lol

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:What class are you, Ben?

Tradesman, hardcore. I'm in it for the bling bling.

2) I play as the "Trader" / Han Solo class

Fraid not, partner.

I'll go buy it tomorrow.

Cool. I'll be moving in two days and struggling to get my internet access back to a reasonable state for the next month or two. See you then.

Oh, and I request that after I join you change your name to "Lt. Cmd Beefeater." I'll be named after the Bizarro-Worlded 16th Vice President of the United States --> Cannibal Hamlin.

Have you tried Asteroids Deluxe? I understand that's a right enjoyable game its damn self!

Well, uh, let me know when you get your net connection back. I'll buy it then. I mean, sure, I could spend some time getting good at the game, but how much fun could that be?

What's the best class to be besides trader, which you obviously stole for yourself and will obviously engage in underhanded, and illegal tactics to stop the rest of us from playing?

Lastly, I'll just throw this out there for discussion: Flying in "Formation" in a Space Game: equivalent to synchronized swimming, except for computer geeks? Discuss, discuss, elucidate your thoughts.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Well, uh, let me know when you get your net connection back. I'll buy it then. I mean, sure, I could spend some time getting good at the game, but how much fun could that be?

Actually, this would be preferable. We can fly around, and you can protect my sorry ass with your LEVEL 92 LASER MISSILES while I make all the money.

What's the best class to be besides trader, which you obviously stole for yourself and will obviously engage in underhanded, and illegal tactics to stop the rest of us from playing?

I dunno. "Explorer" seems to be a strong second choice. I don't see a lot of people embracing the "Warrior" careers until there's really any motivation to be good at combat. I mean, how many NPC space monsters can you shoot before it gets duller than dirt?

Lastly, I'll just throw this out there for discussion: Flying in "Formation" in a Space Game: equivalent to synchronized swimming, except for computer geeks? Discuss, discuss, elucidate your thoughts.

Formation flying in E&B is done very well. One person is assigned as "group leader", then that leader initiates a "formation", then the other group members "join" that "formation", and then wherever the leader goes, the others automatically follow. You, as a group member, can just kick back, drink some Safeway, and rack up the experience points.

Ben wrote:Actually, this would be preferable. We can fly around, and you can protect my sorry ass with your LEVEL 92 LASER MISSILES while I make all the money.

This is essentially the plan that I had, except with our roles reversed. So it does make me happy that you saw it as a good plan. It occurs to me that the chief reason I would want to be the "Trader" class is to come off as "cool" in the game. I'd want to come off as "cool" in order to get laid. I will now list all the times in which being a particular class in a particular game ever got me a girl:

1)


So me nuking the fuck out of people who mess with your ship sounds like a plan.

I dunno. "Explorer" seems to be a strong second choice. I don't see a lot of people embracing the "Warrior" careers until there's really any motivation to be good at combat. I mean, how many NPC space monsters can you shoot before it gets duller than dirt?

I don't think that two guys who, in all likelihood, played "Asteroids Deluxe" for a combined four and a half hours last night need to necessarily answer that with any haste.

But anyway, if they DO eventually put PVP in, I'd be ahead of the curve, right? I'm going to ask Patti Smith which class I should be. One moment...


... OK, she said -- sang, really -- "The Warrior." That's what I'll go with.

Formation flying in E&B is done very well. One person is assigned as "group leader", then that leader initiates a "formation", then the other group members "join" that "formation", and then wherever the leader goes, the others automatically follow. You, as a group member, can just kick back, drink some Safeway, and rack up the experience points.

You get experience points just for flying?

Can you alt-tab while in the game? It seems keen and all, but if there are long stretches of the game where you are flying across the universe, it may prove helpful to be able to check, ah, how my hottest shaved russian e-mails are downloading, if you're digging my ditch.

Firstly, your language is becoming so excessivley "Hip" without actually managing to quite grab for that elusive "Cool" that I'm not sure whether or not I have been sucked into an alternative reality where you are, in fact, an 21-year-old of the year 1972. MOFO.

Secondly, damn, I'd like to play this game with you guys. Sadly, having a weekly income of, say, about 0, and an outgoing rate of about $40 makes this game not the kind I am able to indulge in.
Perhaps in 20 years, huh?

Lex wrote:Firstly, your language is becoming so excessivley "Hip" without actually managing to quite grab for that elusive "Cool" that I'm not sure whether or not I have been sucked into an alternative reality where you are, in fact, an 21-year-old of the year 1972. MOFO.

Me? Did you just call me "hip" and "not cool" you frothy, mutile bitchkin??? I WILL MURDER YOU DEAD

Secondly, damn, I'd like to play this game with you guys. Sadly, having a weekly income of, say, about 0, and an outgoing rate of about $40 makes this game not the kind I am able to indulge in. Perhaps in 20 years, huh?

No freshman at university should be playing massively multiplayer on-line role playing games. Here are the kind of games you ought to be playing:

1) "Hide the cohiba" featuring a cuban cigar and the loveslit of a lovely Asian pre-law student

2) "Hide the keg" featuring a keg of whatever the British equivalent of "Natural Light" is

3) "Hide the body of the hooker" featuring the kind of local girl whom pieces of would be mailed to your newspapers 110 years ago.

With all that in mind, your buddies Robb and Ben are both succesful "Internet Tough Guys" and "Internet Rich Guys" -- meaning that they are both tough and well-to-do in a medium that offers no chance at proof positive being given to the contrary.* When Ben gets his network connection restored, go shoplift the game and I'll pay your connection charge. Actually, hell, if you're going to star in the new textie, the least I could do is give you some sort of compensation in the form of a video game or something, right? I mean, at the very least? We'll work something out. But I should be telling you not to play video games in college.



*In real life I have a large, unkempt beard because I cannot afford razors, and live in a corregated cardboard box. On the internet, I'm Mr Big Shot who buys games for people. In real life, Ben is two incisors away from being just like his buddy No-Home Tyrone -- on the internet he has a lovely vista by the beach. This is how it works for people like us.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:... OK, she said -- sang, really -- "The Warrior." That's what I'll go with.

Perhaps a blend of Warrior and something else would be better. I'd hate for you to get locked into a career that you ultimately find unrewarding.

You get experience points just for flying?

You get experience points for "exploring", which consists of pointing to a place on your starmap that has a question mark on it, and flying there.

There are lots and lots of question marks.

Can you alt-tab while in the game?

Well, I think so, but that's kind of a lame-ass way to play.