Jolt Country

Here are some FUN CIV/PINBACK FAX:

1. Did you know? Pinback has purchased all four iterations of the Civ franchise?

2. Did you know? Pinback has never actually played the original Civ, because after he bought the game, he lent it to Finsternis, who never, ever gave it back?

3. Did you know? Pinback pronounced Civ II the greatest game of all time, although he really only played it about three times?

4. Did you know? Pinback pronounced Civ III the greatest game of all time, although he really only played it twice at best?

5. Did you know? Pinback has pronounced every empire-building game, including the original "Empire" (and of course, "Empire Deluxe", which still might be the greatest game of all time) the greatest game of all time?

So, with that in mind, knowing that I've actually only played Civ games a total of less than ten times, and that every 4X game I've ever played gets my "Best Game of All Time" seal of approval, let's move onto the review of Civ IV:

Civilization IV is the best game of all time. No, seriously this time.

No. Really.

I have no clout to be saying this, except for this:

In the history of these types of games, there has been only ONE (1) that has made me want to play it again after the first epic campaign. That game was Galactic Civilizations.

When I bought this new computer that can actually run games made after 1997, the first two things I bought were Civ 4 and GC 2.

GC 2 is wonderful, of course, and a worthy successor to GC, the previous best game of all time.

Civ 4 makes me want to delete it from the hard drive. It's simply that good.

Everything's just friggin' perfect. All the shit that used to be annoying about Civ (well, most of it, anyway) is gone. All the cool shit that they took out in Civ 3 is back. The graphics rule. The music is phenomenal. Leonard Nimoy is eloquent.

Does it have problems? Sure. Sure, it has problems.

I haven't found any of them yet, but I'm sure it has problems.

And here you go, I just finished my first epic campaign game, and I cannot wait to start the next one.

There it is. A Civ game I'll actually probably play more than twice.

The best game of all time. I have more fun playing it than playing Boxes & Barrels 2. (Which I admittedly enjoy, though not nearly as much as Boxes & Barrels 1.)

---------------

BONUS CONTENT: TINY-REVIEW of Flashlights & Teleporting Monsters III.

In this game (Flashlights & Teleporting Monsters III), you appear to crawl through unlit hallways, unable to hold both a weapon and a flashlight at the same time, while monsters magically appear behind you every five feet.

I really want to hate this game. I can't. It's moody and fun and cool looking, if very annoying. But you know what, with all the advanced technology and fancy lighting and high-tech effects, the one question that keeps running through my mind is:

Is this really any more fun than the original version of Flashlights & Teleporting Monsters, which we all played for zillions of hours back in the day?

Here's the answer I keep coming up with:

Not even close.

Doom III is a fantastic 2 hour game.

Should we get a game of Civ 4 going? Pinner, how would you describe the interest of a game of Civ 4 one of these nights?

What is annoying is when you play for 5 straight hours and destroy the world, sitting there smugly, until the returns come in and you realize you accidentally had it set on the lowest possible difficulty level ("retard").

That's kind of annoying.

(Best game ever, though!)

It's even worse when the computer snipes every wonder right out of your hands, starts up trades only on techs that you have one turn left to complete, denies trade of other techs because they don't like you enough, and uses their bonuses to maintain impossible armies.

Worm wrote:and uses their bonuses to maintain impossible armies.

I've wondered this with a lot of RTS games, how the fuck is it that the computer has so much goddam money if we're supposedly starting at the same time.

Well, Civ is turn based and to even it up for the AI, they recieve some bonuses. I'm not sure about most RTSes using bonuses. There isn't a good way to properly replicate a human player in those games.

For example, in non-campaign Starcraft games, if you'll remember the computer players would always work against you and rush, even when you put them on opposite teams. I think I could do a zerg rush against 2 terrans and 1 toss before I quit.

On the "Noble" difficulty setting, the computer receives no bonuses.

"On Noble, I get my ass handed to me every time." - Worm.

Civ 4 Update:

All other games have been deleted from my hard drive. Also, I have gone back in time and deleted all previous games from my hard drive.

This is the only game there is.

So I thought to myself last night, why is this one so much better than all those which came before it? Would I have deleted all other games from my hard drive for Civ 2? Or Civ 3? Of course not. Why am I willing to devote myself fully to this game, to the detriment of my relationships, my career, and my hygiene?

I couldn't answer that question. Part of me feared that it would be the Leonard Nimoy Factor (LNF). Could Spock reading the technology descriptions to me really have that much of an effect on the overall gaming experience? Granted, I never get tired of listening to the man speak, but no, no... that couldn't be it.

Then I read the little story in the back of the manual, about how they went about designing the game -- arguably the most important, best loved strategy series ever produced -- and making it better.

There was a single theme which ran through all of the different design decisions that they made, and that's when I realized why this is the greatest game ever:

They just got rid of the annoying stuff.

I couldn't tell the difference when I was playing because you don't tend to remember the really annoying stuff, you just remember what you want to remember. But then they said "we did this so this wouldn't happen" and I said "oh yeah! I DO remember having to do that, and god DAMN was that annoying!"

So that's it. Civ 4 is all the other Civs, minus the annoying shit. And plus some fantastic graphics which let you look at the world from space all the way down to water lapping against the banks of a roaring river. And a cultural system which makes it my singular goal in every game to invent Rock & Roll.

And Leonard Nimoy.

For a strategy gamer, there's really no reason to play anything else.

I give Civ 4 five stars (*****).

pinback wrote:On the "Noble" difficulty setting, the computer receives no bonuses.

"On Noble, I get my ass handed to me every time." - Worm.

No.

I'm not saying it should be even. I'm just saying that the computer should be passive about bonuses, not active.

It's a great game, however another Civ waiting to rush production on the Great Library when I rush production and beating me for it, holy shit, I wish I could go into FPS mode ala Dungeon Keeper 2.

Oh, and I have beat Noble once.

Oh, it's a Sid Meier game, of course it's good. I played Pirates! like there was no tomorrow. If this is as good maybe I'll look into it.


THE
ALWAYS ROOM FOR
MORE
AARDVARK