Jolt Country

In this feature we present, daily, or more or less often than daily, humorous hot sauce reviews from firegirl.com.

This is not that great a feature, but hey, new feature, right?

Here's today's daily hot sauce review from firegirl.com:

HOT SAUCE: The Source
REVIEW:

I personally think Tabasco is hot, I never was much for hot foods but my friend Bill and I made a bet that I wouldn't be able to hold a shit for 60 minutes after taking 20 Super Lax's from http://www.grandmas-herbs.com/remedies/ ... Product=40 I ended up shitting myself within 30 minutes. If I was able to hold it for 60 minutes, Bill would have had to give me 60 bucks but since I lost, I had to take 1 tsp of Source. Since I already had a problem with my ass, the only thing that was coming out was blood and tissue. I ended up getting a reverse-douche from the emergency room. I know it was a stupid bet to make but I never expected this to be so hot, he said it was alot hotter then Tabasco but I never had anything hotter then Tabasco. For those of you that are using this stuff for pranks on people, you better think twice, you can get really messed up from this stuff. The worse thing was that my insurance still hasn't covered the bill from the hospital. - Dave

HOT SAUCE: The Source
REVIEW:

has a mild start but then all of a sudden my mouth felt heat ...rel heat not that wussy "tingle" you get from other "HOT SAUCES"
this shit is for real anyone that says its not hot ..has already been dead for at least 3 years


I left my anus in a mayonayse jar to cool off.

- ASSBURNER

I feel that people are really enjoying this new feature.

HOT SAUCE: Da' Bomb, The Final Answer

REVIEW:

I can take it pretty hot, and I eat stuff like Endorphin Rush like candy , I hadn't graduated to the ultra hot categories yet when I tried Da'Bomb.

A buddy of mine and I have a running dialog of taunts regarding hot sauces. I was his office one day and he reached in his desk and said "hey tough-guy, try some of this stuff if you're such a bad@$$"

I was about ready to leave to go home, but I figured what the heck. I opened the bottle stuck the cap of a pen in and got just a tiny bit.

I honestly didn't have any reaction at all in the beginning (4-5 minutes). My buddy was quite impressed. It was hot, but nothing I couldn't handle. So, I left.

About 3 miles down the road (right when I got on the highway) I noticed that my lips were numb and my upper lip was sweating. Then it hit me!! WHOA!! My dog actually started talking to me...in ENGLISH!! I could feel this mohawk like band of hair down the top of my head try to stand up, my ears started to ring and I started sweating. I actually started laughing because the experience was pretty funny.

I think I even started to get a woody, but then my vision started to narrow. I was crackin' up. I actually had to pull over to the side cause my eyes were watering so bad. I wiped my eyes and ....BIG MISTAKE!!!

Somehow, I must have gotten just a microscopic amount on my hand while opening the bottle.

For the next 10 minutes or so I just sat there in agony hoping the highway patrol didn't pull up and inquire what the hell was going on, eyes watering and drooling through lips that were unable to retain any form. I swear my tongue was glowing! I felt like I was on some kind of drugs. I think I even might have hallucinated for a minute. WOW, THAT was some HOT SH!T!!!!

I called my buddy on my cell phone from the side of the road and he told me the next day that he couldn't understand a word I told him. "BLAAA MFFFFT, FFFDGGGAAAA GLEEEEEMAAPPP FFFFFT SSSSSRRRRGGTTT!!" was what he said I told him.

I must have taken a little more than just a drop because I think I definitely blew a couple "O" rings the next day. Now I have a permanently radioactive hemmrhoid that I can tune like an FM radio with my belt buckle (but it comes in handy at parties).

I don't know what took it so long to have an effect on me, but when it did....LOOKOUT!! My dog still doesn't look at me the same way now...like we've communicated on some new level.

I don't know if I'm up for The Source anymore!!! I used to think I was, but we'll see. I think I'll just try some of the others.


- smackdaddy

The legend continues!

HOT SAUCE: The Source

REVIEW:

I was working on this ladies pipes one day and decided that I could go for a beer. So I opened up her fridge, and to my surprise...There was no beer. So I raided the freezer and found a nice chilled bottle of Vodka calling out to me. "Phil! drink me! let me make you happy!" So I said what the hell and drank it. It was a fun night. Oh yea, the sauce is hot. - Phil the Retarded Plumber

Keep 'em coming!

HOT SAUCE: DA' BOMB GROUND ZERO

REVIEW:

I got this in my eye. Now I wear glasses. I bought a second bottle. - Jeremy