Jolt Country

I didn't initially like it. I saved this log that Worm and I generated when I played the intro. I am putting it here for the sake of getting archivey.



Ice Cream Jonsey: HOLY SHIT the beginning of this game is stupid and insipid
Ice Cream Jonsey: WOW
Ice Cream Jonsey: This is fucking terrible
Ice Cream Jonsey: LOO LOOOO LOEE I AM AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!
Ice Cream Jonsey: Stock Character 1 speaks!
Ice Cream Jonsey: Hey, it's Stock Character Number Two!
Ice Cream Jonsey: THIS IS A FUCKING ABORTION
Ice Cream Jonsey: FUCK YOU BETHESDA

Worm: haha what?
Worm: You've been through countless jails, foster homes, and libraries
Worm: And this, here and now is where you're going to fucking stand up against stupid introduction quests?
Worm: You fucking disgust me

Ice Cream Jonsey: THIS IS FUCKING RETARDED!!! Here is how to SHOOT THE GUN
Ice Cream Jonsey: The BB GUN
Ice Cream Jonsey: I shot the target and it wasn't happy
Ice Cream Jonsey: So I shot her father
Ice Cream Jonsey: WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DO I GOTTA DOOooOOoOO
Worm: "Press ESC to skip this is you're a self important fuckhead"

Ice Cream Jonsey: This is really horrible
Ice Cream Jonsey: This is unplayable
Worm: You missed the target.
Worm: Also you're playing a girl hahaha
Ice Cream Jonsey: er, his father!
Ice Cream Jonsey: I meant!

Ice Cream Jonsey: This is the worst game I have ever played
Ice Cream Jonsey: HEY I CAN SHOOT BUTCH NOW
Ice Cream Jonsey: "BUTCH"! THE BULLY
Ice Cream Jonsey: Who the fuck are they making these things for? This is the most insipid waste of time in the world! Holy shit
Ice Cream Jonsey: This is actually worse than Mass Effect's opening
Ice Cream Jonsey: Which was AMAZINGLY bad
Ice Cream Jonsey: Wait, shit - how do I ... er... what do they call it?
Ice Cream Jonsey: "Shooting"?
Worm: Wait, you're serious here?
Ice Cream Jonsey: YES
Ice Cream Jonsey: THIS IS TERRIBLE

Worm: Are you sure you want to be serious here?
Worm: I mean you haven't played an RPG to completion since 1986.

Ice Cream Jonsey: Huh - the game seems like it ... huh.
Ice Cream Jonsey: Left mouse will shoot?
Ice Cream Jonsey: Where did that came from? That is from out of nowhere!
Ice Cream Jonsey: And aiming? Right mouse button? Huh?
Ice Cream Jonsey: GOOD THING THEY WASTED MY TIME TELLING ME THIS
Worm: Are you sure you are going to fucking dare to speak with any authority here?
Worm: I really want to make sure.
Worm: Look you stupid asshole, you can micro-analyze a god damn intro sequence for some asshole indie cred if you want.
Ice Cream Jonsey: Hahah
Ice Cream Jonsey: This is horrible!
Worm: Because you're too much of a fucking gaming snob to accept a game that wants to sell itself to people who don't own fucking XENOPHOBE.

Ice Cream Jonsey: How long before you knew mom was going to die in childbirth?
Ice Cream Jonsey: And keep in mind
Ice Cream Jonsey: I did not "figure out" the Sixth Sense
Worm: I knew beforehand.
Ice Cream Jonsey: I am an IDIOT
Ice Cream Jonsey: When it comes to plot paths
Ice Cream Jonsey: And I knew the mother would die in childbirth the moment I heard the father
Worm: I knew!
Worm: I mean they tell you.
Worm: They told everyone like years ago.

Ice Cream Jonsey: They did not tell me! I had a media blackout!
Ice Cream Jonsey: But come oooooon!
Ice Cream Jonsey: "We need a gravely, stern voice. We want him to scream, 'single father.'"
Ice Cream Jonsey: "We don't want actual single fathers."
Ice Cream Jonsey: (all the programmers put their hands down)
Ice Cream Jonsey: "But widows"
Worm: ers
Ice Cream Jonsey: (one programmer puts hand up.... then scratches goatee, takes it down)
Worm: widowers
Ice Cream Jonsey: Er, right
Ice Cream Jonsey: "Okay, get Darkman"

Ice Cream Jonsey: I ASSUME it is Liam whatever, lemme check
Worm: Yeah I think it is.
Ice Cream Jonsey: Hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ice Cream Jonsey: AHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahah
Ice Cream Jonsey: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhhahahah'

Worm: Well I guess you can stack this up there with Braid.
Ice Cream Jonsey: I will get past the intro
Ice Cream Jonsey: I am sure it is fine past the intro
Ice Cream Jonsey: And you are right, they need to sell this to mouth breathers, first.
Ice Cream Jonsey: Initially.

Worm: Yeah, honestly maybe your problem is that you didn't know how great the game looked.
Worm: So you sat down with the intro, and tried to make sweet music.
Ice Cream Jonsey: Heh
Ice Cream Jonsey: True
Worm: When everyone else went into candlekeep mode
Ice Cream Jonsey: FUCK YOU BETHESDA
Worm: Get hull's long sword, kill the assassins, get the antidote for betsy, steal the star sapphire from the inn
Ice Cream Jonsey: HEY
Worm: Get a watcher to attack you, kill him in secret
Ice Cream Jonsey: "Star sapphire"? HEY
Ice Cream Jonsey: HEY
Ice Cream Jonsey: STOIP\
Worm: take the plate mail armor
Ice Cream Jonsey: SPOILERS
Ice Cream Jonsey: Okay, this conversation is over
Worm: That was Baldur's Gate one.
Ice Cream Jonsey: Oh
Worm: fucking sped
Worm: ^_^

I STILL cannot believe you had issues with that intro. Didn't you play the Mass Effect intro? I'd prefer cheesy writing to "we've got to save the world here, get me someone who is level one". "Also he might be evil or good, but he's for whatever reason the right person for the job so we're going to go with him no matter what".

I did. I think Fallout 3 had a worse opening, but Mass Effect gave me no evidence it was gonna get any better.

Also, I finished Fallout 3. I have THOUGHTS.

I also can't find the screenshots I posted earlier. There was one with Snake Vargas and the sheriff quoting Pinback or something. Frustrating!