Jolt Country

"OH MY GOD YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ____???!!"

We all have to deal with it from time to time. Even Jonsey has to deal with it when I say OH MY GOD YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE GODFATHER???

I've had chronic problems with people doing this to me about: CADDYSHACK. I finally saw it (several years ago), and it sucked balls. How anyone thought there was anything funny there is beyond me.

Then I had chronic problems with people doing this to me about: DAWN OF THE DEAD. I finally saw it (a few months ago) and it was laughably awful. It may be the seminal zombie movie of all time, but that doesn't mean it doesn't BLOW YAK BALLS. Terrible.

But the one I've had the MOST chronic problems with, having to deal with "OH MY GOD YOU HAVEN'T SEEN..." for at least the last 15 years, is HIGHLANDER.

Finally, to put all that noise to rest, I watched it this weekend.

So unbelievably bad that I spontaneously burst into laughter in retroactive response to all of the times people warned me, "Just see the first one, though, cuz the sequels suck."

AAAAAHAHHAhahahahahaa. The sequels suck. You know what also sucks? THE FIRST ONE. God DAMN was that a pile of steaming shit.

So that's it. OH MY GOD I FINALLY SAW ALL THESE MOVIES, AND THEY ARE ALL TERRIBLE NOW SHUT UP.

(Special Mention: Logan's Run, which I was just heartily encouraged to see, and which may be the worst of all of the awful movies I've mentioned in this post.)

Fucking Highlander. You gotta be kidding me.

pinback wrote:CADDYSHACK. I finally saw it (several years ago), and it sucked balls. How anyone thought there was anything funny there is beyond me.

You're wrong, Caddyshack is worth it just for Rodney Dangerfield.
To this day I still sometimes joke that there must be a duck behind me when I fart.

Also, Chevy Chase playing it almost straight is a nice balance to all the ridiculous stupidity that is the rest of the movie. You should watch it again after a few more drinks or whatever.

I watched Highlander in its entirety for the first time a couple years ago. I also thought it wasn't good, but I cannot completely hate anything with some cheesy Queen songs in it.

does that means Flash Gordon was good?

Caddyshack : Still mildly amusing but seriously dated. Tough not to speak the dialogue along with the characters.

Highlander: It's tough to listen to Chris Lambert try for a Scottish burr. Sean Connery has a much better Scottish accent and he's supposed to be Spanish. Casting issue.

Another seriously dated movie. And some of the motivations don't make sense, but where else are you gonna get as much sword fighting in the 80's?


Have yet to see the Godfather n it's entirety. Don't think the mafia is like that movie at all. In a related note: Who was it that suggested a moose head in Sarah Palin's bed?


THE
REFERENCES ARE
KILLING ME
AARDVARK

Yeah, my siblings and I still love Flash Gordon. We'll probably see the new movie that's coming out on opening night just out of love for the old one.

You mean the old, old one in black and white with plywood rockets and sparklers? Or the 1980's one with gold underwear?




THE
CLARIFICATION
AARDVARK

I mean the 80s one with the line: "Oh my god this girl's really turning me on!"

I saw bits of the black and white ones before and it seemed good but I've never gotten around to actually watching them in their entirety.

Highlander's one of the 5 best movies ever made. The entire premise of this thread is shit. Shit.

I can't believe anyone would dislike it. It's absolutely popping with action, it's got a great soundtrack, Lambert is just as charismatic and goofy as he needs to be, and the message of the movie: things were better in SCOT LAND - was personally verified by me a few weeks ago.

Here's the difference between Highlander and every movie made this decade:

Highlander: 116 minutes. Feels like 16 minutes.
Every Movie Made In The Aughts: 180 minutes. Feel like 1800 minutes.

Tell you what, man. Ben, I guess. You name a single scene in this movie that doesn't CRACKLE, and I'll acquiesce a bit. But you won't, will you, Ben? WILL YOU? WHY, BEN? CRUISIN' FOR A PIECE OF ASS????

Thankfully, I hardly remember any of it now, except for how terribly cheesy it was, and how awful a lead Lambert was.

That's what it was. A cheesy 80s action movie. None of which were good.

It's hard for a scene to "crackle", when you keep expecting Crow and Tom Servo to pop up and start quippin' like there's no tomorrow.

My dad brought over a DVD full of the original Flash Gordon serials for my kids. I thought "there is no way my kids will sit through this" but surprisingly they did and they got hooked. I now have a three-year-old and a seven-year-old addicted to old black and white serials.

I remember when the 80s Flash Gordon came out and I really liked it. When I first got in to DVDs I found Flash Gordon in a bargain bin for like $5 and then I went to eBay and they were selling for like $80. It's one of my greatest eBay finds ever -- I think I bought half a dozen of them and sold them all. I guess it's been re-released since then and the market dropped just like Flash when he faked like the log worm bit him OH SNAP DALTON YOU GOT SERVED YO.

I bought the original Highlander movie on DVD and it looks like it was compressed into about 400k. Seriously, it has compression blocks the size of my head and it looks like complete ass. I think it's one of those 80s movies where if you saw it as a teen you think it's the coolest movie ever (Krull, Dune, Spacehunter, Buckaroo Bonzai, etc) and if you are just seeing it now for the first time you probably wonder what all the hype was about.

Highlander would make a good MST3K episode. I wonder if they've gotten around to it on rifftrax yet?


Something about not doing it because it would be like kicking a cripple....


THE
WORK BOOTS, MAN
AARDVARK

Flack wrote:Buckaroo Bonzai

This is still good. Laugh while you can, monkey boy.

I think the only two movies that came out in the 80s that I liked as a kid and that have held up since then are Buckaroo Banzai and Wargames.

GYAAyyaaayyAhahahahaha, you're not on the Internet saying that Buckaroo Banzai holds up and Highlander doesn't, are you?

I'm laughing at the "superior intellect," pinback!

Ha ha ha!

Flack wrote:I think it's one of those 80s movies where if you saw it as a teen you think it's the coolest movie ever (Krull, Dune, Spacehunter, Buckaroo Bonzai, etc) and if you are just seeing it now for the first time you probably wonder what all the hype was about.

I will confess that the first time I saw Highlander, the following was going on:

- I was a freshman at Syracuse University.

- It was on a real movie theater screen.

- The entire theatre erupted in cheers when the one bit comes up where Nash's old birth certificate reads "Syracuse, NY."

- At that point, freshman year, my favorite band in the world was in fact Queen, and I had no idea before stepping into the theater that they did the soundtrack.

- I had sex almost immediately after the movie.

So MAYBE the experience surrounding the first viewing had a little something to do with how much I enjoyed it.

- I had sex almost immediately after the movie.

Were the credits still rolling? WOW! Talk about ambiance.


I remember Lambert walking back to his mud hut or something calling out :'Heather! Heather!'

Only it sounded like: HEEAATHUUURR!

And I suddenly realized I was watching a movie with no budget for a dialog coach.


THE
GUYS IN SKIRTS
WILL GET YOU
LAID EVERY TIME
AARDVARK

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:

Flack wrote:I think it's one of those 80s movies where if you saw it as a teen you think it's the coolest movie ever (Krull, Dune, Spacehunter, Buckaroo Bonzai, etc) and if you are just seeing it now for the first time you probably wonder what all the hype was about.

I will confess that the first time I saw Highlander, the following was going on:

- I was a freshman at Syracuse University.

- It was on a real movie theater screen.

- The entire theatre erupted in cheers when the one bit comes up where Nash's old birth certificate reads "Syracuse, NY."

- At that point, freshman year, my favorite band in the world was in fact Queen, and I had no idea before stepping into the theater that they did the soundtrack.

- I had sex almost immediately after the movie.

So MAYBE the experience surrounding the first viewing had a little something to do with how much I enjoyed it.

That probably explains why I'm not a fan.

- The first time I heard the theme song was at a Queen concert.

- Immediately after the concert I had sex. With Freddie Mercury.

Tough to fully appreciate a classic when you're confused and bleeding and trying to get duct tape out of your hair.

I DO NOT WANT TO RIDE YOUR BICYCLE SIR, I DO NOT WANT TO RIDE YOU BIKE.

Flack wrote: - Immediately after the concert I had sex. With Freddie Mercury.

how many minutes left do you have to live?

Hm, which to go with? MAN, so many good ones.

"Another one Bites the Dust"
"All Dead, All Dead"
"Don't Try Suicide"
"Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy"
"Get Down, Make Love"
"Let Me Live"
"Loser in the End"
"My Fairy King"
"No-One But You (Only the Good Die Young)"
"Put Out the Fire"
"Save Me"
"See What a Fool I've Been"
"Tear It Up"
"The Miracle"
"Too Much Love Will Kill You"
"Was It All Worth It"
"Who Wants to Live Forever"

I think I'll go with ...

"My Life Has Been Saved"

Best of. The list keeps getting better as you go.
It's been awhile since I laughed that hard at a post on JC.

Flack wrote:I bought the original Highlander movie on DVD and it looks like it was compressed into about 400k.

Okay, I threw my copy of Highlander into the Xbox, and yeah, it does look like you could put it on an un-notched Amiga floppy with enough room left over for an .ACE of Christmas Lemmings.