Jolt Country

Here's the first question about preserves:

Q Why preserves?
Because jam and jelly are both terrible, and terrible for you. What you should be eating is PRESERVES.

Q Why preserves specifically? Were they mentioned in the Knight Orc novellas?
Yes! Yes, in fact, they were. I'm starting a religion and that novella's the bible.

Q What preserves do you currently own
I got down to just blackberry. I took a trip to Lyons, CO on Saturday with former JC poster Betty Boop and re-stocked. Did you know that figs aren't just great in fig newtons? (Though they are pretty great?) It's also great as a wonderful preserve. Sweet Cherry is the other one I bought. So, three jars of preserves at the moment.

Q Well, that's very interesting, but I'v--
I'm hoping that there is another Lyons trip in my future, and I can pick up more preserves.

Pretend I logged out and posted as Preserves Expert. This has been... Preserves Expert!

Are the rest of us (me and Ben) allowed to ask our pressing preserve questions?

I miss A

I see that Q showed up for this preserves thread but A seems to be on vacation.

Anyway, are the preserves in Lyons someone's kitchen products of is it a national chain like Harry and David's?

Why do you need to travel to Lyons to buy those particular preserves? Aren't preserves available in all parts of CO.?

Is there a website? You don't want to be buying preserves made in China and being passed off as Amish gold or anything.

Why are preserves better for you than jelly or jams, and could you spend a moment explaining the difference between the three?

Would these preserves make a nice Christmas basket for various people who live in New York?


THE
14606
AARDVARK

ChainGangGuy wrote:Are the rest of us (me and Ben) allowed to ask our pressing preserve questions?

Yes

AArdvark wrote:I miss A

I see that Q showed up for this preserves thread but A seems to be on vacation.

I didn't want it to be an "official" Q and A thing.

Anyway, are the preserves in Lyons someone's kitchen products of is it a national chain like Harry and David's?

Any jar of preserves you get in a grocery store isn't handcrafted preserves. Preserves are spooned into a jar by a single, broke, old woman with a failing business and mortgage she's about to default on. Also, a good jar of preserves has no security seal.

Why do you need to travel to Lyons to buy those particular preserves? Aren't preserves available in all parts of CO.?

Not so much a need, my friend! In fact, we went into the store to get some cherry pie. The fact that cherry cider and preserves were in there was a bonus!

Why are preserves better for you than jelly or jams, and could you spend a moment explaining the difference between the three?

You bet.

Jelly is made in a factory by a bunch of angry machinists, as well as a small series of evermore-miniature Russians and fascists. Additionally the fruit pulp is strained out of the mix! This is wholly acceptable. For whom is the pulp not good enough? Asshole who like jelly, that's who.

Would these preserves make a nice Christmas basket for various people who live in New York?

Maybe, except everyone who lives or is from New York deserves only, for Christmas, coal.