The time I played mailbox baseball
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:31 pm
"Mailbox Baseball," in case you don't know it, is going along and hitting a mailbox with a stick in order to damage it or knock it loose. It's only legal if you do it to your own mailbox; otherwise it's a Federal Offense.
I should have filmed it.
Back about four years ago the City of Capitol Heights, Maryland repaved the curbs on Doppler Avenue where I was living. It now meant I could not reach the mailbox because the curb made it too far to get to from my wheelchair. Also, going up the driveway out to the street then up to where the mailbox was in my (then) manual wheelchair was painful.
So I ordered from Home Depot's website a brand-new mailbox, one of those dual door ones that have a front door for the mail carrier to insert into, and a back door for you to get it so you don't have to go out in the street, and a mailbox post. The post includes a steel bar that you just hammer into the ground, and the post then is hammered into the steel bar. Bless their soul, the box for the post points out that you need to call in to Miss Utility before putting the bar into the ground. I wouldn't have thought of it.
So I go up on Miss Utility's website and post a marking request for a dig. I get a permit number, good in three days for a dig at that address any time in the next ten days thereafter. (The 3 days gives the utilities time to mark for their lines.) Turns out I'm ok, the nearest thing was the water line and meter, some 30 feet away. So in the mean time I realize I forgot to order safety glasses or a sledge hammer. So I get transport over to the nearest Home Depot and pick them up.
I also write to the postmaster of my address informing them that because I'm disabled and nobody else is in the building and otherwise I can't reach the existing one, I'm moving the mailbox and the carrier will need to know it'll now be next to the driveway instead of in front of the entrance.
So anyway, I go out to the spot, and I use one hand to hold the bar and the other to swing a 4 pound sledge. I put the post in by pounding it into the bar, then I put the mailbox over the post. Now I discover I forgot to get a wrench, a ratchet or crescent, to tighten the bolts that hold the mailbox tight to the post.
I hand tighten them as far as I can and it's good enough for the time being. Eventually - a few days or weeks later - I do get a set of wrenches and tighten it, which takes about 20 seconds.
So now I have two mailboxes, and I have the extreme pleasure of taking my frustrations out on the old one, courtesy of the mallet / sledge hammer I used to put the bar and other post in.
Only it turns out that hitting it, with my good hand, isn't enough; the son-of-a-bitch won't break off! Bang! Bang! Bang! Many tries later, I discover it's still attached to the pipe it was on even though it originally looked like it was barely on. I can't get it to break free.
Two teenaged boys got off school and were walking by at that moment. Well, it didn't take more than one request to, in effect, legally get away with smashing someone's mailbox with a sledge hammer, and they make short work of the previous mailbox and it rapidly becomes a former mailbox as it gives up the ghost and comes off.
So basically, there was no joy in Capitol Heights, mighty Paul had just struck out!
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I should have filmed it.
Back about four years ago the City of Capitol Heights, Maryland repaved the curbs on Doppler Avenue where I was living. It now meant I could not reach the mailbox because the curb made it too far to get to from my wheelchair. Also, going up the driveway out to the street then up to where the mailbox was in my (then) manual wheelchair was painful.
So I ordered from Home Depot's website a brand-new mailbox, one of those dual door ones that have a front door for the mail carrier to insert into, and a back door for you to get it so you don't have to go out in the street, and a mailbox post. The post includes a steel bar that you just hammer into the ground, and the post then is hammered into the steel bar. Bless their soul, the box for the post points out that you need to call in to Miss Utility before putting the bar into the ground. I wouldn't have thought of it.
So I go up on Miss Utility's website and post a marking request for a dig. I get a permit number, good in three days for a dig at that address any time in the next ten days thereafter. (The 3 days gives the utilities time to mark for their lines.) Turns out I'm ok, the nearest thing was the water line and meter, some 30 feet away. So in the mean time I realize I forgot to order safety glasses or a sledge hammer. So I get transport over to the nearest Home Depot and pick them up.
I also write to the postmaster of my address informing them that because I'm disabled and nobody else is in the building and otherwise I can't reach the existing one, I'm moving the mailbox and the carrier will need to know it'll now be next to the driveway instead of in front of the entrance.
So anyway, I go out to the spot, and I use one hand to hold the bar and the other to swing a 4 pound sledge. I put the post in by pounding it into the bar, then I put the mailbox over the post. Now I discover I forgot to get a wrench, a ratchet or crescent, to tighten the bolts that hold the mailbox tight to the post.
I hand tighten them as far as I can and it's good enough for the time being. Eventually - a few days or weeks later - I do get a set of wrenches and tighten it, which takes about 20 seconds.
So now I have two mailboxes, and I have the extreme pleasure of taking my frustrations out on the old one, courtesy of the mallet / sledge hammer I used to put the bar and other post in.
Only it turns out that hitting it, with my good hand, isn't enough; the son-of-a-bitch won't break off! Bang! Bang! Bang! Many tries later, I discover it's still attached to the pipe it was on even though it originally looked like it was barely on. I can't get it to break free.
Two teenaged boys got off school and were walking by at that moment. Well, it didn't take more than one request to, in effect, legally get away with smashing someone's mailbox with a sledge hammer, and they make short work of the previous mailbox and it rapidly becomes a former mailbox as it gives up the ghost and comes off.
So basically, there was no joy in Capitol Heights, mighty Paul had just struck out!
Visit My Site; now with more than 103,716% more content than Pinback's!