Jolt Country

Anyone have any big plans for the 4th?

Every year in Yukon they have a "kid's parade" where kids can make their own floats. There are three different categories and we have won a medal every year, so we are working on our floats this morning. I've been wanting to build a big robot costume for years but I don't know if I'll have time to do it today. We'll see.

There's also a big car show in town tomorrow, and if it's not too hot, I'd like to cook out too.

The one thing I guess we won't be doing is setting off fireworks. I think pretty much the whole state of Oklahoma is under a burn ban. All the grass is yellow and burnt at the moment; one errant Lady Finger or Black Jack could burn the whole state down.

I have been down and out with a cold most of the weekend. However, I finally used the HEAT GUN to take off 1/2 of my bad Q*bert side art and counting. There is a good chance that I put up the good side art this weekend. It would be nice if I also took off the awful Wizard of Wor side art and put the new stuff on for you, but let's not get crazy with expectations.

I kind of wrote this for Vark.

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It all starts with a idea. Mine started as a dream actually, a few years back. I woke up from a deep sleep with the idea for Uncle Samtron 2000. I didn't know which year or which parade we would build it for, but I knew someday, we would build it.



Like most of our costumes, this one began with boxes. All the boxes for Uncle Samtron 2000 were picked up for free at Sam's Club. A "Scope" box here, a microwave popcorn box there. You never know what will be useful.



Some of the boxes don't need much massaging; they tell you what they should be. Mason grabbed the yellow one because "it looks like a helmet." The matching Scope boxes became shoulder pads. The boxes were laid around on the floor and moved around until the shape began to make sense. Then, with a box cutter and copious amounts of duct tape, you go to work.



We didn't find a single box that would work for the chest, so we made one by using two box lids and some cardboard spacers in the middle.

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The headset was designed to sit on top of the body box, to keep the weight off of Mason's head and to keep it from twisting and turning.



Spare pieces of cardboard become wings. A smaller, spare box becomes a chest plate. "Hey, we could poke holes in that box, put suckers in it, and throw them out at the parade." Sounds good! For what it's worth, rolls of duct tape come in different colors. Red duct tape highlights the blue spray-painted wings. Blue duct tape holds the chest piece in place. Silver spray paint gives the cardboard a metallic look.



"Hey Dad, we could stick suckers in his head, too!" Why not?



A single box of microwave popcorn becomes two boots, with a little white spray paint (to cover the logos) and white duct tape (to hold things in place). I wouldn't want to run a marathon in them, but for a 10 minute parade, they'll do. While the boots dry, we cut out and paint more pieces of cardboard.



Finished parts begin piling up on the fireplace. At this point it's hard to tell if the finished product is going to look like a robot or not. You never know if it's going to come together until everything's assembled.



With some of the paint still wet, we throw Mason's costume into the back of the truck along with Morgan's '57 Chevy costume and head up to the FreedomFest Parade. It's not until there that we see the costume 100% assembled. I think we nailed it!





The costume immediately attracted the attention of a Channel 9 reporter, who filmed Mason walking around and interviewed him about the parade.

The walk through the parade route is hot and difficult. Mason stumbles a few times with the big, clonky shoes and suckers stuck in the chest plate continually fall out. Mason takes turns waving to crowd, throwing suckers out to kids, and gulping from a bottle of ice water. It's hot in that costume and I know it. After walking in front of the judges, we make our way to the shade. Mason can't sit in the costume, but we at least get the helmet and metal dryer hose off his arms.



After the parade is over, the judges meet and decide the winners for each age category. First place in the 9-12 age group ... MASON O'HARA!



Ten minutes after the voting, we were about to dump the costume into a dumpster when pleas from my nephew saved it. The robot costume was saved from the trash and ended up in the back of Granny's van.

Check out the clip, starting around 1:40:

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Our local news reported at least one death this year.

A 20-year-old man lit a professional firework, but it didn't go off. When he went over to check on it, the firework launched, shot him in the neck, and then detonated.

"Death was quick, painless they say,
hope when I die I go that way." - The Dead Milkmen

they dont let the parade people throw candy to the public here. Too afraid of p'ison or something.

They don't throw candy at "real" parades here either, after that kid in Ohio a few years ago got run over by a float. The "parade" my kids were in was simply a walking one. Well that's not true, there were a few kids there on scooters and tricycles, but nothing with an engine.

No moving vehicles and no candy? I never thought we all really lived in a pussified society, but fucking balls, that's ridiculous.

I always knew I'd be nostalgic for things I couldn't have when I was younger, I never thought I'd be nostalgic for the country I had when I was.

Okay, so, "parade" may have been too strong a word for this thing. It's just a thing where kids decorate wagons and walk a blog while old people take pictures of them.

If you want a real parade, you come to the Yukon Czech Day Parade. Every year at that thing the Shriners come within inches of running over kids on their three wheelers, at which point the crowds cheer.

I always knew I'd be nostalgic for things I couldn't have when I was younger, I never thought I'd be nostalgic for the country I had when I was.

THE
STEALING THAT FOR MY FACEBOOK UPDATE
AARDVARK