Jolt Country

Target's Market Pantry 3 pound Macaroni salad has a few minor problems.

First, I think they put too much sweetener in it, I think it's a bit too sweet for macaroni salad. I think it should be more neutral to tart flavor.

Also, it's too juicy. I think it should have a little less mayonnaise.

I still think the product is good, though.

I like my mac salad HAWAIIAN-STYLE. Here is BEN'S FAMOUS HAWAIIAN MAC SALAD recipe, guaranteed to please:

1. Cook some macaroni until it's way overcooked! (Hawaiians call this "fat". Cook it 'til it's "fat".)

2. Mix the following into a bowl:

- The macaroni
- Quarter cup of milk.
- 1 tablespoon cider vinegar (or whatever vinegar you got on hand)
- Quarter cup grated carrot
- A SHIT-TON OF MAYONNAISE

This is the macaroni salad which will whisk you off to the islands in your mind! (That is, in your mind, will whisk you off to the islands, not, will whisk you off to the "islands in your mind". What the fuck does that mean.)

You eat three pounds of mac salad and still have problems taking a crap?



THE
PASTA FLUSH
AARDVARK

AArdvark wrote:You eat three pounds of mac salad and still have problems taking a crap?

Who said I have trouble taking a crap? As I pointed out in my article, I had blast burst diarrhea.

But I didn't eat the whole container, silly. I ate about about a half pound or so, I just scoop out some.

pinback wrote:This is the macaroni salad which will whisk you off to the islands in your mind! (That is, in your mind, will whisk you off to the islands, not, will whisk you off to the "islands in your mind". What the fuck does that mean.)

Uh, Ben, perhaps if you'd read more than 45 books in your life you'd have a better capacity to create good metaphors.

----
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Ye all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind.
- Prospero, William Shakespeare's The Tempest, Act IV, Scene I

pinback wrote:This is the macaroni salad which will whisk you off to the islands in your mind! (That is, in your mind, will whisk you off to the islands, not, will whisk you off to the "islands in your mind". What the fuck does that mean.)

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
- Dusty Springfield, "Windmills of Your Mind"

edited from pinback wrote:I like my mac salad HAWAIIAN-STYLE. Here is BEN'S FAMOUS HAWAIIAN MAC SALAD recipe, guaranteed to please:

macaroni, milk, vinegar carrot, TON OF MAYONNAISE

Carrot? If I was expecting to be catapulted to the islands, I'd expect pineapple to be present. Are you forgetting something, perhaps?

People think "Hawaiian" means pineapples and ham in everything, but it's not the case. Only tourists and haoles be eatin' that shit.

No, Hawaiian food is a glorious mixture of basically ever other international cuisine, all mashed together in a generally disgustingly high-calorie, cholesterol-inducing mess.

Go to any "plate lunch" joint in Hawaii and you get some meat, two scoops rice, and one scoop mac salad, and the mac salad is always basically an ice-cream-scoop of mayonnaise, with little orange flecks of carrots in there to make you think that each bite isn't essentially taking 6 months off your lifespan.

pinback wrote:People think "Hawaiian" means pineapples and ham in everything,

I never mentioned ham. But beyond this, how does carrot make this a Hawaiian type macaroni salad? Macaroni, mayonnaise and carrots you can get in Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Boise, Portland (both) or Houston; there's nothing about it that says Honolulu.

How is this something that speaks of Hawaii, at least in the weak and ineffectual method you tried and failed to do, failing so badly that you even confused yourself?

---
Oh my callous
Uncover me
Come my restoration
Wash my body clean
I've been rolling
Along a crooked path
Where the foods I've eaten
Broken me in half...
- In the House of Stone and Light