Jolt Country

Tonight, my brother (who posts here as Knuckles the CLown) was walking his dog after work. A goddamn city bus hit him.

That's all the details I have. He isn't dead or maimed or anything. I spoke to him briefly just now. He was his normal self: agitated.

He is going to call me back to tell me exactly what happened later. My parents are driving to the hospital right now.

OK, no broken bones or anything, just some road rash and pain.

This has been..... Climax-Free THread 2000!

That's a bitter pill to swallow.

I think I speak for everyone here when I say WHAT ABOUT THE DOG??

This thread is now about the worst you've ever exaggerated or heard a story exaggerated in the first line of the story.

Here, I'll start:

Waiting for the bus in LA, the black homeless guy who ran that corner came up to me and decided that today he was gonna try the tough-guy approach. "Yo, mothafucka, gimme some money or I'ma slap the shit out of ya!" He's there every day, so I felt pretty comfortable in just saying "Uhhh. No?"

After that, he walked away.

But once I got to work? "Sorry I'm late everyone, I was MUGGED!"

(I was late because as tends to be the case 100% of the time I'm on business in LA, I'm hungover in the morning.)

Okay, your turn!

Oh, and I'm disqualifying any story that involves a woman saying she was raped, because, Christ, the turnstyle touching you in that special place doesn't mean the subway violated you.

(Also in this thread, I state that 95% of women who say they were raped are lying.)

We can take this any way you want to go with it, I guess.

lethargic wrote:I think I speak for everyone here when I say WHAT ABOUT THE DOG??

dog was driving

You did tell me that you were mugged, me, your Internet Comedy Partner.

ME.

I guess this is the "classic" version of this tale?

The dog was a beagle, and being a beagle, its instinct was to sniff, bark and run away.

My brother's neighbor, the one that impaled a squirrel in my brother's lawn with a crossbow from the neighbor's second story the first week my brother lived there, went and grabbed the dog. So the dog was not able to go berserk IN traffic, barking at all kinds of shit.

Everyone my brother knows is telling him to sue. I guess this is hitting the NY Lottery.

He has road rash:



ALSO GUYS,

Is the bus OK? They might sue back for damaging it.

My wife called me one time and told me she had a flat tire and that someone had shot it with a gun and she was too afraid to get out of the car because they might still be shooting. Of course by requesting that I come to that location in a roundabout way I believe she was trying to get me shot. Anyway when I did finally show up her tire had a nail in it. Then she said "well, somebody was shooting, maybe they just didn't hit her tire."

In retrospect it's really amazing my wife has never run over ICJ's brother.

I think it would be funnier and more ironic if the dog was a greyhound instead of a beagle.


THE
BUS DOG
AARDVARK

stepping out of character I did get hit by a bus. I did call pinback after to see if he could give me a ride to the hospital and he refused..... BUT I also own the kickass driver he gave Robb (to give me as a peace offering) pre accident and am routinley hitting 275 yard drives down the middle of the fairway enraging the rest of my foursome who have $400 drivers and can't hit 225 with them.

On the other hand I am done with all sports for at least 2 months after getting hit by bus :(

I got hit by a truck once. It wasn't particularly pleasant.

http://www.robohara.com/?p=368

I always end that story with "the truck that hit me got totaled, but I'm still here." People love that line. You should tell people the bus was totaled or sustained significant damage, even if it didn't. Also a short part about having to bring the dog back with mouth to mouth will probably get you a hand job or two*.

(*Just to clarify, "not from me".)

AArdvark wrote:I think it would be funnier and more ironic if the dog was a greyhound instead of a beagle.


THE
BUS DOG
AARDVARK

This was the post of the thread, by the way. This was the post of the thread. It was worth my brother getting hit for this post.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Tonight, my brother (who posts here as Knuckles the CLown) was walking his dog after work. A goddamn city bus hit him.

I was going to ask what happened to the bus but someone beat me to it.

I personally was run over by a car when I was 6. I was sitting on the ground playing, and the guy just got in and drove off without looking in front of his car. Fortunately I was in the exact middle, so basically it just pushed me over and didn't injure anything seriously. I do remember either we sued the guy or he was prosecuted, I remember being in court. This would have been about 1967.

Was that awkward, suing someone who knew you?

pinback wrote:(Also in this thread, I state that 95% of women who say they were raped are lying.)

I don't mean to post twice but I missed this. I think the lie percentage is not this bad, but, a famous lawyer - I think it was Melvin Belli - told in his book how (back in the 1960s) civilian women in Japan were so rampant in making false rape claims that the military police had to routinely polygraph every woman who filed a rape claim against an American soldier because far too many of them were false rape claims.

Tdarcos wrote:I was going to ask what happened to the bus but someone beat me to it.

Someone please delete my post ASAP.

Sooo Knuckles... your neighbor has a crossbow and impales squirrels? ICJ mentioned you live around my neighborhood... I am now slightly intrigued, though i should probably be more concerned for the sake of neighborhood children (which could be my own)and squirrels (which I like)... and yet... it brings forth images of Daryl from Walking Dead.

Also, there are quite a number of regulars here who seem to have received the sweet caress of tons of shining metal... coincidence or something more?

Melvin Belli once received a letter from the Zodiac Killer.

On topic?