Jolt Country

Ben: Why should I pick it up?

JC Poop Player: Ah, but Ben, if pet waste is left on the sidewalks, streets, yards or other open areas, it can wash into a river or lake and cause many problems.

Ben: Please leave my apartment?

• to be continued...

[laughter]

JC Poop Player: Poop, or "fecal bacteria", has impaired 141 miles of Santa Monica's streams so that they do not meet the standards set by California's Enviromental Protection Division.

Ben: Yes yes, that's all very well and good, but you don't understand -- I own a cat. I'll just assume you haven't checked out my BAM! Cat Stories. You see, Frodo-- Look! Look there!! See? He "poops" inside, in his--

JC Poop Player: We call that a "litter pan", Ben.

Ben: Goddammit! I know what it's fucking called, you interrupted me, you jackass! Listen, buddy, you've got just ten seconds to leave my apartment before I call the cops, and another thing, I've-- [clatter offstage, Ben looks frightened] What was that? Didn't you close the door behind you? Don't you know what's out there?!

• to be continued...

I really find this entire subject rather distasteful.

Bruce's Beard: [enters from offstage] Boy, it's a bit chilly out there and yet it's April for Christ's sake. Brrr! You'd think being a sentient beard would allow for ample warmth. Hey, Ben! Who's this guy?

Ben: This fuck? Calls himself the JC Poop Player.

JC Poop Player: Please, Ben, ignore the whiskers. No offense beard, but this is important. You must listen to me before it's too late, Ben! Poop decays, using up oxygen and releasing compounds which are harmful to fish and other animals that rely on water.

Ben: Yo, Beardie, wanna beer?

Bruce's Beard: Yes, please! Got any PBR?

Ben: Do I?! [dashes off to the kitchen, Poop Player follows]

JC Poop Player: Ben, you are not listening to me!

Ben: Yeah, yeah. Poop. Decays. Sad fish. Good enough?

JC Poop Player: No! Not it is not good enough. I need your undivided attention. Let's continue: poop contains nutrients which can cause excessive algae growth in a water body, upsetting the natural balance.

Bruce's Beard: S'that beer on it's way yet, Ben?

Ben: Coming, Beard! I'm coming. I'll be there in just a moment. Are we through here, Poop Player? [Poop Player seems pained] Poop? Man... you don't look so good. Poop?

• to be continued...

[laughter]

Just 22 characters allowed for the Username? 22?!?

We'll discuss this later Sysop Jonsey.

User JC Poop Player, this is just the sort of flash-in-the-pan gimmickry we could use over at the Monto Rusa Scratchboard. Why, the conversation possibilities are endless! It boggles the imagination.

Please contact me via e-mail at: TheChatsAbound@hotmail.com.

I'll present to you an offer you cannot refuse.

I've been wondering just what I have been missing by not being around here. Do you know what I have been missing? OK, I'll just tell you. I'll tell you.

"Not a god damned thing."

If anyone posts as the "audience" and posts "laughter" keep in mind that you will have made a POWERFUL enemy by doing so.

[laughter]

I didn't think that Jones had you well-disciplined lemmings under horse's whip in quite so obvious a manner. You have made a grave enemy this morning, "Worm." I guarantee that you didn't wish to do such a thing when you woke up. Or if you did, congrats -- you can check off "Making a hated enemy out of the Souffle of Pain" from your list.

You actually expected no one to post under "The Audience"? I frankly would of accepted it as a natural result from posting this:

Souffle of Pain wrote:If anyone posts as the "audience" and posts "laughter" keep in mind that you will have made a POWERFUL enemy by doing so.

[laughter]