Jolt Country

Curious about alcoholism but never knew who to ask? As an alkie of 20+ years, I am here to answer all of those burning questions!

If there are no questions, I will change the topic of this thread to "things that bug me at the grocery store".

How hard is it to find liver donors?

Here are a few questions to get the keg rolling.

01. Define alcoholism. Does that mean you drink daily, or does it mean you drink too much when you drink?

02. Financially, how much does being an alcoholic cost?

03. Have you ever gone to work drunk and/or drank while on the job?

04. What made you become an alcoholic and what will it take for you to stop?

RealNC wrote:How hard is it to find liver donors?

Bad question!

Flack wrote:01. Define alcoholism. Does that mean you drink daily, or does it mean you drink too much when you drink?

Great question! Much like that one dude said about pornography or whatever it was, I can't specifically define it, but I know it when I see it. In my case, it meant the answer to both of your questions was YES. One, there was never a chance I wasn't going to drink that day, and two, there was rarely ever a chance I wasn't going to blow my fuckin' brains out with it.

I never drank during the day, but in the evening, by the end, I was good for at least 1/2 of a bottle of vodka and a couple beers. Per day. That defines alcoholism. Or knowing that even if you "cut back" to a few beers per night, which I tried a few times, eventually you were going to backslide and go back to your old ways.

02. Financially, how much does being an alcoholic cost?

Great question!

Not counting cocktails/beers at restaurants, somewhere in the realm of $10-$15 per day. That's good for the aforementioned half bottle of vodka and a couple beers. But I never bought "fancy" vodka. $15 was the most I'd ever spend on a bottle.

03. Have you ever gone to work drunk and/or drank while on the job?

Great question!

Very very rarely. I mean, I'd have beers at lunch maybe a couple times a year, but I can't actually remember a time when I was blitzed at work (unless they, you know, had a party at work and brought booze, but that doesn't count.) Like I said, if there's one thing I'm "proud of" (and that just means, less ashamed than of the rest of it) it's that I never really got into morning/day drinking.

04. What made you become an alcoholic and what will it take for you to stop?

Great question!

I'm sure it was a number of factors that led to my alcoholism. Alcohol was always around, growing up, so it was natural that I'd eventually start taking sips now and again. Judging by my family's past, there also seems to be a genetic tendency toward drug abuse and addiction.

Add on a bit of clinical depression and loneliness, and the ability to self-medicate, and the slippery slope was laid out before me like a friggin' waterpark slide.

Was there a specific event, or series of events, that led to this (assumed) attempt to deal with it?

(I'm not asking for details of any event, if you don't want to share. Just curious if there was some breaking point or if it was cumulative.)

gsdgsd wrote:Was there a specific event, or series of events, that led to this (assumed) attempt to deal with it?

Great question!

Well, I could point to a couple instances of embarrassing my wife, and a couple instances of the doctor saying you better quit or you're gonna die, and SEVERAL instances of waking up in the morning going ughghhhhhh, why the fuck do I keep doing this.

But the real reason is:

There's a little voice in there, the devil on your shoulder, who says (around 6 PM, in my case): "Dude, you should hit that shit HARD, it'll be so much fun!" And then there's this other little voice who says "don't do it! Don't you remember the other seventeen thousand times you listened to him and it was NOT fun and you hated yourself the next day??!"

What really happened is, just, the second voice got louder.

So I still hear the first voice, but me and the second voice just now treat him like a screeching, shrieking child throwing a tantrum. Just let him get it all out, don't give him the attention he wants, and eventually he quiets down.

Plus after getting the CPAP and getting a decent nights sleep, boy, waking up in the morning NOT hungover and having slept HARD for seven or eight hours? Shit. What a wonderful feeling!

The CPAP really is a miracle. I have my own CPAP testimony but I won't derail your thread; we can start another one for that if you like.

QUESTION: Do you drink enough that you are going to experience physical withdrawals?

Also I think you should take the money you were spending on alcohol and buy hot sauce with it.

Flack wrote:QUESTION: Do you drink enough that you are going to experience physical withdrawals?

Great question!

A handful (and a small one at that) of times I've stopped, once for almost 30 days, rarely more than a week the other times, I do not remember experiencing anything major, other than increased irritability, and really wanting a bottle of vodka.

Although we're early, this time feels different in that, I think the other times I was struggling with, ohhh, I really wanna drink, I'm missing out on fun, woe is me, but this time I'm like, whoa, that really wasn't fun by the end. Not interested, thanks.

(We're early yet, though.)

(Let's see if I get irritable.)

(More than usual, I mean.)

Also I think you should take the money you were spending on alcohol and buy hot sauce with it.

I'm awaiting two separate sauce shipments right now, as a matter of fact. CAN DO!

Is the floor still open to questions from the forum members?

ChainGangGuy wrote:Is the floor still open to questions from the forum members?

Of course! This conversation is "open-ended".

Has there ever been a physical need for alcohol, or is it primarily mental?

So, what's different about this time?

gsdgsd wrote:Has there ever been a physical need for alcohol, or is it primarily mental?

Good question!

How could you tell the difference?

ChainGangGuy wrote:So, what's different about this time?

Outstanding question!

Who can say? Maybe nothing is different and this will all come crashing down by Thursday.

However, I will say that I've never before felt this level of hatred for the whole thing, and enjoyment of NOT being involved in the whole thing. The other times it felt more like, welllll, I'm doing this because I know I probably shouuuuld, and it'll make Kaaaaathy happy, and... but I was still battling that desire.

Right now there is no desire, just vicious disdain.

Hey, do you want to get a couple of drinks with me?

Would you say that one drink leads to two dozen drinks because the first one is so pleasant and tasty and that small voice in your head keeps saying: " Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Also

What is the point of social drinking if you don't / shouldn't get totally bagged?



THE
PAYING SERIOUS ATTENTION HERE
AARDVARK

Do your friends and coworkers know you're living on vodka, or is it a secret? If it's a secret, do you suspect that they actually know? Do you feel that they look down on you? Or maybe pity you? Have you ever killed a hooker?

AArdvark wrote:Would you say that one drink leads to two dozen drinks because the first one is so pleasant and tasty and that small voice in your head keeps saying: " Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Decent question!

One drink leads to about three drinks for that reason. Then, for the true alkie, you realize it's just making you tired, and you're starting to feel like shit, so you need to PUMP IT UP. You have to keep ahead of the wave of reality which is always chasing you.

And as you drink more, the wave gets bigger and faster, so you gotta keep training, keep practicing, keep getting stronger and stronger. THANK YOU SIR, MAY I HAVE TEN OTHERS?

What is the point of social drinking if you don't / shouldn't get totally bagged?

I don't know anything about social drinking. I know about pounding pints of vodka every night while watching Family Guy reruns to take away the pain.