Jolt Country

So the thing is.

Since I've stopped drinking liquor, got a CPAP machine, and I've bought the world's most awesomest house, I can honestly say I've never been happier.

Then we took a swing through Bed Bath & Beyond last night shopping for some "home essentials", and I thought it'd be fun to get on one of the bathroom scales they had set up to try out. Turns out, not only have I never been happier, I've never been more goddamn enormous.

Somehow in the last two months I have BALLOONED about 25 pounds, and I was already the size of a Zeppelin.

So, this will not stand, man. This aggression will not stand. No fooling around now, no more "ha ha jokey jokey fart hehe". This is serious. Seriously serious.

At the very least, I need to drop about 65 pounds. That's enough to get back to what I considered "really fat" about eight years ago. Ideally I would drop 100, which is enough to get back to what I actually weighed about eight years ago.

This will take some time, but it will happen, and I will document my progress in this thread, once we find the BB&B 20% off coupon and I go buy one of the scales.

This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition.

Please, no wagering.

Understood. This is your journey. This is not a thread where people need to talk about their own successes and failures, nor do we need a bunch of people logging on to say how they lost all that weight that one time.

Pinback has opened his life to us. I have been one of the worst offenders in these types of threads because I once posted giant photos of pizza to the man. I won't be doing that this time.

This one's for Ben.

Walk.

No, seriously. Find a route that's uphill and walk it every day.

If you can't find anything uphill where you live, then I hate to break it to you, but... you need to jog. Yes, I know. You're american. You don't jog. But you need to.

I love it. It is a proven fact that 100% of the time that someone says they're going to lose weight, people will offer unsolicited advice, even on the internet, in a thread where the sysop of that very internet website posted that this is not a thread for that.

It will never get old. And it doesn't happen with anything else, which is the best part.

I'm working on losing weight too right now. It's hard. Best of luck on your journey!

Thanks buddy! Man, if both of us lose the weight we want, the Earth's orbit might start to decay.

I would like to wish you the absolute best on your epic journey of wellness, Pinback. With an endeavor of this scale, I think it's only right that McDonald's should handle the Happy Meal toy tie-ins for the project. You will keep us abreast of any developments, won't you?

pinback wrote:I love it. It is a proven fact that 100% of the time that someone says they're going to lose weight, people will offer unsolicited advice, even on the internet, in a thread where the sysop of that very internet website posted that this is not a thread for that.

It will never get old. And it doesn't happen with anything else, which is the best part.

It's because we think that fat people are complaining about their weight as if somehow it's unfair, while at the same time they don't even try to lose it. They make it sound like they're trying everything they can (except working out or eating less.)

So we have to spell it out for them every single time: JOG, YOU FAT FUCK.

pinback wrote:Then we took a swing through Bed Bath & Beyond last night shopping for some "home essentials",

See if they have any more of those "special" remote control units around. I saw one somewhere but I can't remember.

pinback wrote: So, this will not stand, man. This aggression will not stand.

I would not stand for it either.

At the very least, I need to drop about 65 pounds.

In all seriousness, good luck to you and expect it to take about a year, if you're very aggressive in cutting back on food, it could be possible in 6 months. What I have heard that serious, doable and sustainable weight loss can reasonably be expected at 1 pound per week.

No advice on how, since you apparently don't want any. Good luck on your effort.

Tdarcos wrote:Good luck on your effort.

Greetings, Mister Tdarcos! Your videos display culinary excellence and can acknowledge true jewels of the kitchen.

For your next adventure to create a food sequence, will you team up with a healthier menu to aid Pinback? (6_6) Waffle Mix would only cause him to bloat.

No, it's art, man. Food videos are an art form. Nobody ever asked Michelangelo to only paint in watercolors. Make anything you want, healthy or no. Just do it.



THE
NATIONAL GALLERY
AARDVARK

RealNC wrote:It's because we think that fat people are complaining about their weight as if somehow it's unfair, while at the same time they don't even try to lose it. They make it sound like they're trying everything they can (except working out or eating less.)

Hey FUCKFACE, can you point out anywhere on this entire BBS, and/or planet, where I said being a goddamn walrus was UNFAIR, and that I'm TRYING EVERYTHING I CAN?

Do you have any advice for terrible BBS posters who come into every goddamn thread with some agenda that nobody was talking about, but they can't help themselves because their ego is as inflated as their country's economy? (*)


(*) Copyright (c) 2014, Ice Cream Jonsey. See, he's sick of your shit, too.

Hey FATFUCK, if you don't wanna hear it, don't post it. Geez, I know Americans were arrogant as fuck (in addition to being fat as fuck,) but you're like the king of them.

Also, I should mention that I weigh 242 pounds.

So we're all in this together, gang!!

RealNC wrote:Hey FATFUCK, if you don't wanna hear it, don't post it. Geez, I know Americans were arrogant as fuck (in addition to being fat as fuck,) but you're like the king of them.

Also, I should mention that I weigh 242 pounds.

You're arguing with your own imagination. Nobody asked you for advice. Nobody said or did the things you're so outraged by.

You are a crazy person.

(Also fat.)

On my own little quest to shed some weight so I guess the good luck will hopefully go for all of us!

But man, that pizza doesn't even look delicious anymore - all I can think of is how bloated and gunky having a slice would make me feel.

--Retro

Alright, everyone shut up, it's time to start this in earnest.

I purchased a new scale at BB&B yesterday so we could track results. Shopping for scales reminded me of Brian Regan's bit about refrigerator salesmen. "This one will tell your weight for $20. This one will tell your weight for $150. This one will tell your weight for $60..."

My goal is to lose an average of one pound per week for the next two years. That will put me at what I feel is my "ideal" weight, which I haven't seen in about ten years.

Let's begin.

WEEK 0: 302

How are you going to do it?

The crazy part in all of this is that he will continually update a thread for the next 730 days!