The Pursuit of a Creative Pursuit
Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2015 3:23 pm
In the midst of depression and alcoholism, there's often not enough energy to do anything other than drink, maybe snack, watch TV, play video games. Anything passive to kill time, but nothing more strenuous than that.
It occurs to me now, looking at my huge library of Steam games for the thousandth time, and not wanting to play any of them for the 998th time (I enjoyed Beyond Earth a couple times), that I, like most people, enjoy being creative. Working on something, creating something is eminently more satisfying that passive endeavors.
I think part of the reason I have trouble clicking on any of the hundreds of game icons I have swirling around my drive is that I know it will take time, and energy, and at the end, nothing will have been accomplished. Nothing will have been created.
For me, at least, and likely for most, the recovery process must include something creative. Something fulfilling to do with the time other than drink, other than watch Family Guy, other than watching Twitch and Liveleak videos.
So.
What to do, what to do.
There's always the text adventure thing, but in honesty, I don't think I have what it takes to do what ICJ does, and I don't have the passion for it to see a project through to completion. I don't love it.
Some creative endeavor, with something I love.
What to do, what to do.
I made a NoLimits 2 video a couple months ago. I used to love coasters. I used to love designing them in NoLimits 1. A couple of my creations were even mildly well received.
Being a man with a wife and mortgage, though, I'm afraid to dedicate myself to doing something that ultimately will not make our future any more secure.
But maybe that's not important right now, and recovery has to take the top spot on the to-do list.
Maybe I should start doing NoLimits 2 hardcore.
I used to like playing music. Maybe I should do that.
I need to find something. NoLimits 2 would tie together the two topics of this base pretty well.
I could start the radio show again, or some version of it.
What else, what else...
I dunno. Just throwing out some ideas, but I think it's an important topic.
And not to go too Retro on you, but I think I'm gonna uninstall all of my games. I think in my heart that's why I never really enjoyed playing them. I knew they were killing time that I could have been spending getting better.
It occurs to me now, looking at my huge library of Steam games for the thousandth time, and not wanting to play any of them for the 998th time (I enjoyed Beyond Earth a couple times), that I, like most people, enjoy being creative. Working on something, creating something is eminently more satisfying that passive endeavors.
I think part of the reason I have trouble clicking on any of the hundreds of game icons I have swirling around my drive is that I know it will take time, and energy, and at the end, nothing will have been accomplished. Nothing will have been created.
For me, at least, and likely for most, the recovery process must include something creative. Something fulfilling to do with the time other than drink, other than watch Family Guy, other than watching Twitch and Liveleak videos.
So.
What to do, what to do.
There's always the text adventure thing, but in honesty, I don't think I have what it takes to do what ICJ does, and I don't have the passion for it to see a project through to completion. I don't love it.
Some creative endeavor, with something I love.
What to do, what to do.
I made a NoLimits 2 video a couple months ago. I used to love coasters. I used to love designing them in NoLimits 1. A couple of my creations were even mildly well received.
Being a man with a wife and mortgage, though, I'm afraid to dedicate myself to doing something that ultimately will not make our future any more secure.
But maybe that's not important right now, and recovery has to take the top spot on the to-do list.
Maybe I should start doing NoLimits 2 hardcore.
I used to like playing music. Maybe I should do that.
I need to find something. NoLimits 2 would tie together the two topics of this base pretty well.
I could start the radio show again, or some version of it.
What else, what else...
I dunno. Just throwing out some ideas, but I think it's an important topic.
And not to go too Retro on you, but I think I'm gonna uninstall all of my games. I think in my heart that's why I never really enjoyed playing them. I knew they were killing time that I could have been spending getting better.