Jolt Country

Hi. Mortimer Craig here.

Is there anyone coming off worse than "Ian" in those achingly horrible Showtime commercials? Look, I don't give a polly wolly about them trying to hock their discount movie channel. All's fair in love and war, know what I mean? But the self-satisfied "I just laid one in the community swimming pool" and altogether smug expression on that git's face makes me really want to punch him one.

Well, that's my Celebrity Monologue. Thanx.

EVERY YANK ENJOYS A WANK.

DREEB! DREEB!

More Fusebox Dwarf, less Mortimer Craig.

Less "Ian," too. I will grant you that you made a fair point there, but I still hate you.

Souffle of Pain wrote:More Fusebox Dwarf, less Mortimer Craig.

Less "Ian," too. I will grant you that you made a fair point there, but I still hate you.

What?

I gotta admit to not caring about your posts much...can we talk about Alysson Hannigan now?

Souffle of Pain wrote:More Fusebox Dwarf, less Mortimer Craig.

Less "Ian," too. I will grant you that you made a fair point there, but I still hate you.

Fantastic. He made a great point, but you're still giving him shit.

I'm going to start a thread on here. It will have a title that I think you will be able to relate to. It's going to be called "My Fists Seem To Be Made... for Souffle of Pain." And then your scrunched-up little rat face is going to find that the only thing more continually disappointing on a day to day basis than a subscription to "Showtime" is a subscription to my fists, because that subscription doesn't end with a simple call to the local cable operator. Furthermore, my fists won't even allow you to say, "OK, this subscription sucks now but maybe they will bring back Lexx or something, they at least had that at one point" -- no, instead the only science fiction you're going to be experiencing is low budget time travel stories as I knock you THE FUCK INTO NEXT WEEK.

Here's the log of what happened when my brother and I ordered HBO today:

Robb: Hey, let's get HBO.
Mike: OK. I'll call.
Robb: OK. Just pretend you're me.
Mike: Hi, I'd like to order HBO.
Directv: That will be $11 added onto your bill. Would you like Cinemax, Showtime, Starz or (whatever the hell the other one is called) as well?
Mike: No. Showtime seems to be made for Ian.
Robb: BAHAHahahalLORORORORLRLOLOLhahahaKEKEKE

OK, we had talked about the whole "Ian" thing beforehand, but still.

That is so funny, Robb! I would love to have seen the look on the order-taker's face when he said that!

You know what other commercial bugs me? Have you seen the one for Pepto Bismol where the mother is like, "In my family, when one of 'em wants chicken, the other wants pizza, and when one wants burgers, the other wants chinese! It's just like afterwards! One gets heartburn, the other gets nausea! One gets diarrhea, the other..."

It's like this whole family, they can't eat a single bite of food of any kind without running immediately for the bathroom for some reason or another!

What is up with THAT?

pinback wrote:That is so funny, Robb! I would love to have seen the look on the order-taker's face when he said that!

I hate you. You'll pay for this comment. Do you hear me? You'll pay for this insult. If it takes me until the end of time itself then so be it, but you will PAY, damn you.

Why do you say that? I thought that was hilarious! I am still LOLing over here!