Annoyotron / Ben Parrish (1999)

Game Information

Ben Parrish is of course many things to many people. You, frequent visitor of the web site "Reviews From Trotting Krips", may know him as the third, unofficial Trotting Krip - the George Martin to Robb's and my Rolling Stones. No, that's not right. The Brian Epstein to our ABBA? Ergh! The Steve Albini to our Steel Pole Bathtub? Ah, good enough. What I like about Ben Parrish's adventure games is that though they all seem to be basically uninteresting, they nonetheless do not fail to invoke a most peculiar warm, fuzzy feeling inside the chests of those who would dare play them for any decent amount of time. Warm, fuzzy feelings are nice sometimes, and they are not often incurred by adventure games. Nay, not even Infocom games manage to convey this particular warm, fuzzy feeling. Furthermore, when I play one of Parrish's seminal works, Apartment F209 or Annoyotron, I do not feel that they are basically uninteresting because the author is a fool. On the contrary, I get the feeling that instead the author is a genius who has unlike most of us simply realized his true calling in life: to write mostly uninteresting, sarcastic adventure games. As I play this game, I can't help but admire its author for his refusal to involve himself in the interactive fiction rat race. What do petty wars between the "experimentalists" and the "gamers" mean, after all? Nothing. They're stupid. They're pointless. We shouldn't waste our time on it. Now, sure, Ben Parrish could be out there working his heart out trying to produce an adventure game like Infocom's or an experimentary work like Plotkin's, but why should he be? Why do we have to judge games according to such impossible standards? Why is everything we come across considered only in relation to other things instead of being seen as its own individual entity? Guys like Andrew Plotkin and Adam Cadre have received the respect of hundreds thanks to their journeys into the unknown reaches of interactive fiction, but lesser known avante-garde types such as Harry Hardjono and Rybread Celsius have encountered only censor and ridicule with their experiments. No doubt they sob into their pillows each night before they go to bed, wishing only that people loved them like they love Graham Nelson. And let me tell you: for every Plotkin, there's a dozen folks who have written adventure games that wish they were just like him. Interactive fiction is world filled with heartbreak and misery, much like our own existence on the planet Earth. Ben Parrish stays above it all. I tip my hat to him. And then? Then I trash his games, of course!

I'll come right out of the gate with my "controversial" opinion of the day: I think Apartment F209 is more annoying than Annoyotron. Yes. I know of no more frustrating moment in all the time I've wasted playing computer games than that moment wherein I encountered a certain suitcase that contained(I paraphrase) "a lot of stuff." A lot of stuff. Heavens to Betsy! I enjoyed the cat and the hidden lot, however. They give me that warm, fuzzy feeling that I enjoy so much. Robb really likes the game for some reason, however, so if you want to hear more about it, go read his review. Unless, of course, your name is Robb Sherwin or Ben Parrish, which it probably is, in which case you've likely read the said review too many times as it is. I find Annoyotron more interesting. The dominant feature of the game is the immense hallway that was likely inspired by the western road in Enchanter. Yeah. Imagine the western road from Enchanter without the funny signs. Even with the funny signs, the western road in Enchanter was pretty annoying cuz it just made the player run out of water too soon and die a horrid death(luckily, the death code is pretty forgiving in that game). The immense hallway(an eastern hallway, incidentally) is fascinating to me. The game demands that you trot down it time and time again - the first time I played the game I actually went down it about a fifth of the way and then figured it was all a trick and started going back west, which meant that later on I would have to go all the way again, and all the way back, and all the way down again. Never before have I ever seen an adventure game which demanded more physical effort from its players. Typing "e" or "w" a lot of times may not seem to be that physically demanding to you, but that's only because you haven't played Annoyotron. This game is a physical contest unparalleled in the annals of IF. As one might expect, the physical challenge of the game is compensated by the complete lack of intellectual content. Still, it is a real winner for those of you whose fingers are stronger than your brains. Mine are. I've got ten fingers, y'see, and only four brains! There's no contest! Annoyotron rules!

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