My Future Wife's Verdict: So this is what started you spending all that wasted time writing awful video games?
My Manager at Xerox's Verdict: Yes, I gave Robb enough free time to find this game. I should have probably cracked the whip harder.
My Verdict: This could get real gushy real fast..
Game Information
Game Type: Inform
Author Info: Adam Cadre has written two wares that were awarded the XYZZY Game of the Year; this one in 1997 and Varicella in 1999.
Other Games By This Author: I-0, Lost Anaheim Hills, Photopia, Varicella, Shrapnel
Download Link: ftp://ftp.ifarchive.org/if-archive/games/zcode/i0.z5
The Review...
This game is good. Real, real good. It's excellent. Already, by just the first three sentences of this review I'm reduced to the electronic equivalent of hurling feces at some canvas just trying to find the words that accurately describes why this game is so goddamn good.
I-0: that "Jailbait on the Interstate" game is -- look, there's no possible way I can do this fucking thing justice. I gave you the URL, if you haven't played it you need to go download it right this instant and start it up. Suffice it to say that if this game didn't exist and didn't provide a solid, shining example of the beauty of IF through and in spite of its limitations then you're never going to "get" this hobby and I might as well cut and paste the coming-of-age story of my bud Jack Straw, who recently resurfaced on the internet.
Still here? Christ. Fine.
Author: Jack Straw (---.dynamic.ziplink.net)
Date: 10-09-00 05:01
I'll assume I posted last from my dad's house, as that's the last household I've been in
with a PC. So, here's what happened.
I was living with my dad out in East Buttfuck (also known as Honeyoye Falls), supposed to
be attending my senior year of high school, but realistically all I was doing was fucking
the town's girls raw and smoking all of their pot. My grades were shit and I didn't really
care - I was living rent free and although I really didn't want to be out there, I was
having a lot of fun. Sex, drugs, and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater was my life.
At this time I had a warrant out of Greece for being in a park after hours (a bullshit charge but a warrant nonetheless)
Well, the time came when I obviously was going to have to repeat the year of school, and my father told me I was to be out in 2 weeks, because we had a condition of me passing school to live there. Most people would take their 2 weeks to carefully plan where to go, what to do after that. I took my two weeks and prepared for my going-away party.
I worked at A-Plus out there (where Kathy saw me working once, WHASSUP LSG!~!!!!@@@!) and I spent the last week of work filling up my father's basement with beer. The last night, after closing, I let 4 people in the store and everyone took what they could carry. I was never caught (my father tried to roll over on me, but I was manager and knew how to turn the cameras off =)
The party was crazy. My father went to his girlfriends for the weekend, every weekend,
so the weekend I was to be out, I threw it. Beer everywhere. Weed everywhere. Titties
everywhere. Cigarette butts being put out on skin, fights, it was wonderful. Every room of
the house was completely partied out. People passed out all over the place. No cops -
heaven. About 7 AM my father came home. Apparently one of the neighbors tried to get ahold
of my dad through his girlfriend the night before and just reached him that morning.
Everyone was kicked out. I got my ass kicked. But I deserved it. This was nothing like the
"5 of Them" crowbar fight, in which I did a hell of a lot of damage. I basically
just took it all. I was just waking up from being stone cold drunk and I knew I fucked up.
I managed to grab up a backpack with 2 changes of clothes and a couple CD's and bathroom
shit. I had a total of $215.
I stayed with my friend Aaron for a few days. I slept in a Uhaul outside his house (and
yes, I did have someone to keep me warm one night. I think the frigid cold scared her away
- it was only one night) Things got too hot. My father had called Aplus and they
were looking for me to know a.) why I hadn't been to work and b.) WTF happened to all that
beer?. My father had called the cops and had me on NUMEROUS charges (disturbing the peace,
unlawful distribution of alcohol, endangerment of minors, etc.) and 5-0 was knocking on
Aaron's door before too long. I called up my close friend Brian from Greece. He had always
been there in times like this. Aaron gave me a ride up there and when he came back police
were waiting for him, wanted to know where he took me. He denied everything and said he
was at the mall. YOU STAY UP HOMIE!!!! I stayed with Brian's family for 2 weeks. I
applied for jobs around Greece and put down on an apartment. Apartment fell through and I
was still waiting on a job when Brian demanded I leave because I was fucking his
girlfriend. (And what a piece of ass she was - young, beautiful, tough - she said she was
going to the army) I did just that - left. Me and Brian are cool now because even though I
caused him to break up with Jade, he still fucks her regularly, and without all the
bullshit. I keep telling him, he just doesn't listen.
Jade never made it to the army.. shattered dreams I suppose. Heh heh heh.
(I found out 3 weeks later cops were at Brian's house looking for me too)
I stayed a night in the city off Monroe with my friend Cameron. He said I couldn't stay
there long but if I wanted to look for a job the city was the place to do it. He mentioned
"rooming house" - a term I never heard before. The next day I moved into my
first "rooming <coughCRACKcough> house". 411 Meigs St. 75 bucks a week, no
cooking utilities, no appliances. Shared shower with everyone who lived there. Woke up
every morning to the junkie next door vomiting LOUD AS HELL. I hated that place.
With a passion. It reeked of ramen noodles and crack whores, no lie. Shortly I got a
job at 7-11 on Monroe Avenue - working NIGHTS. That job has more experiences and stories
than could ever fill this board. I was running out of sanity. I was working 7 days a week,
no break for 2 months. Midnight till 8 in the morning. I lived off expired 7-11 food, all
that I could eat before I left. I never ate outside of work. I didn't get many skins
during this period - pussy was two or three times, visitors from Greece or the Falls. Once
in awhile John(coworker) and me would get some crazy drunk bitches in the bathroom at
7-11, but as far as REAL pussy went it was scarce. All I had was my pager and this
compounded things. I was saving money to move out of the House, and even though I probably
had enough, I had no motivation.
Then I met Blue.
She was a cute little raver girl who hung around 7-11 after parties in Rochester. I had thought about taking her in the bathroom many times. We started talking and she couldn't believed I liked the "rave scene" at all and assumed I was a ghetto punk. I had seen her at parties as far away as a year... Her smile was beatiful, her personality was great and her sex was wild. She drew me away from the spell of 7-11 and the ghetto haze that I was slowly working myself into. We moved into a 1 bedroom apartment on Tracy St (incidentally, 2 houses down from my OLD apt on Tracy St) and started a new life. We had a lot of fun, I'd say we were together 2 months before I got picked up on the warrants. Yep. All this time I'd figured I could lay low and be forgotten. Monroe County Sheriffs came right into 7-11, walked in on me taking a shit 7 o clock one morning. On top of the Greece warrant and the "party" warrant, my father threw in a breaking and entering after the fact when I was nowhere to be found. He thought it would light a fire under their asses to find me. Maybe it did... I was in jail just overnight. Blue tried every friend, called in every favor for me and posted my $3000 bail. Was I happy to see her in the morning =)
Somewhere along this time I found out Blue was pregnant. I tried to get her to have an abortion, but she couldn't and didn't and I cared about her deeply and time went on and it seems that I am going to be having a child soon. A little baby girl-Straw. I never wanted a child and I still would rather not have one, but I have to face reality now. It could be worse, at least I have a mother who knows what she's doing. She raised her little girl from the time she was 15 to 17, and had a very abusive neglectful husband. Anna (her girl) was taken from her when she was 2 due to her husband and of no fault of her own, according to her social worker and all court and child protective documents I've seen. Blue has a lot of emotional baggage (doesn't everyone) and normally would be the type of girl I would be with for an easy bone and then bounce the fuck out. But I fell for this one. It's still very hard for her being pregnant but this is what she needs to heal the pain of her daughter being taken from her - a new daughter to start over with. My law problems were all straightened out - 3 years probation and a good chunk of restitution to my dad. I report twice a week to probation and they piss test me. (What a crock of shit that piss testing is - basically, I had to quit weed. I can trip my balls off on acid, pop pills of E all night long, get piss drunk but I can't smoke the ganja. Oh well, I don't really miss it anyway.) I got my old job back at IPM out in Henrietta and take the bus every day (No NYS drivers liscense for me until I'm 35!!) Here and there I did some things to make money for myself.
I now live in a nice 2 bedroom apartment off Mount Hope nicer than my mother's house in Greece. The baby's room is all set up with all new things. Things are going good for me now that I have a clear head and a set of goals.
Blue is due on January 3, but she'll probably go early. Till then, it's just sitting
back, saving $ and waiting for the baby.
I'll be around.
Peace out,
Jack Straw
Arrested him while he was brewing his early morning grunt. Fuckers! Only way to take my boy Jack Straw.
Anyway. I-0 is like that. It changes everything. And you deserve to play it right now, for the sake of Christ.
Simple Rating: 9.6 / 10
Complicated Rating:
Story: 5.5 / 10
Writing: 9.5 / 10
Playability: 10 / 10
Puzzle Quality: 9.3 / 10
Parser Responsiveness: 10 / 10
Slack-Jawed Yokel sprach the following on October 16th, 2000:
What the fuck was that? I mean, what kind of story is that? That had better be fake or I'm going to put a chainsaw in my face.
And I didn't think I-0 was all that great anyway. Shrapnel was better, fer chrissakes.
However, Shrapnel didn't give me wood.