| Video Game News From Trotting Krips |
Old News - Now Archived
First thing first. I have now had absolute killer luck in the two computer cases I have bought from www.colorcase.com . I can't recommend them enough. OK, I know what you might be thinking. "They look nice, but they are probably severely overpriced and/or irritating to set up." I say to thee... nay!
The one I recently bought for my friend Sailer, the Concord, was $59 without an ATX Power Supply and would have only been $79 with a 250 watt supply (if I remember correctly). They are very sturdy and without question, the easiest cases I have ever had to put a mobo into. (These prcies are all in American funds. Cheers, Pierre!)
I've had the (mis?)fortune to do a lot of these systems over the years. Both at work and for fun and profit in my home. Imagine you're at a women's prison. Imagine you own a fistful of pardons. Imagine you visiting said women's prison. Getting into an in-mate's orange shockpants isn't any easier than getting a standard mobo into one of Ranier's color cases. Let's be honest. 99% of the content on this site is angry, bitter angst-laden hate-rich tirades. This is the first nice thing I think I've ever said about a retail business within the context of this site. Excelsior!
Enough with the touchy-feely crap, then. Capsule Review Time!
Nox -- It will be remembered only because every reviewer starts off their review with a "nox-nox" joke. Using previously-established guide-lines, then, here is mine. Ahem.
[Orange]//[ya glad it came out before Diablo II?]
The Sims -- I did the math. I have actually spent more time trying to get my sim laid since buying the game than I have on me, in my real-life. (I have had more success, though.) The Sims is the most depressing game you will ever play, unless you are mindlessly void of the sheer emptiness that your shattered, vacant life exhibits like an open, throbbing sore.
CFL '99 -- Canadian Football League '99. Quite simply, this might be the worst game I have ever paid more than thirty-five dollars for. I was able to complete a pass in EVERY ATTEMPT. In other words. While playing it. I never threw an incomplete pass. This is like a weatherbeaten mongrel going out of its way to bring you your slippers, paper and enticing pepperoni pie because it knows, deep-down, that it is a flea-bitten mutt destined only for the pound. Quit trying so hard, CFL '99! I expect to suck at every game I play. Ever. Except....
Atomic Bomberman -- I started playing this again after upgrading my computer's processor. The guy who programmed the PC version has previous experience in some of the best modern-day retro reworks... uh, ever. ("In the history of computer games?" "Of All Time?" Damn this hobby! Shig!) Every time you kill someone data loads from the CD. Oh -- there's another option. A 500+ MB install to get all the sounds files onto your hard drive. I hate to say this, but I will. That was an absolutely terrible programming decision. I know that the marketing weasles made you do it, bud, but it ruined the game.
Wearing The Claw -- When an IF author releases a new game, I immediately play their older games. I don't know why. This game has some of the best imagery I have ever experienced in a computer game without graphics. I'm waiting for the scene where the guy who is turning into a ram has sex with a sheep by accident because he thinks the curse has accelerated in his wife. Har har har! Maybe there should be a Wearing The Claw blooper game. Or add-on disk.
Moto X 2000 -- Hahahaha.... hahaha.... hehehe... bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! It's bad enough that you're a fuckin' moto for thinking about this title... but no! Hahah! Now you're Moto X! Hey, this game takes place in the future, right? 'Cos I mean, the year is 2000.
Any Dreamcast Game (except maybe NFL 2K) -- Yeah,right.
Well... there you have it. Oh. Messiah is coming out this week and Daikatana was delayed again until at least April. I mention this only if someone accidently clicked on this page while searching for real video game news on www.alltheweb.com or something.