The Replay That Changed History
by Pinback
I would like to say, before I turn in for the evening, that although I'd previously come on here and said how bad Tiger '08 was, I continued to play it. I am in fact one "Tiger Challenge" event away from my final showdown with Tiger, and although it doesn't let me make my character nearly as fat or as black as I wanted to, the event will still occur.
But the main reason for this post is that, as bad as I've said the game is, that could not prepare me for tonight, when I experienced the WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN A VIDEO GAME EVER:
I still can't believe it.
I was on a par 4 hole somewhere, I forget where. My drive (due to the unpredictable controllability of your shots) went wayward right, into some nasty rough. I was in a tough match-play competition with the foul-mouthed spitfire Morgan Pressel. I needed every advantage.
That's when I got one. I took a five-wood, and blasted it out of the rough. The game made that "swoosh" sound and went all wide-screen, as if to indicate something good was about to happen (even though it also does this, for some reason, if you are about to blow a putt 20 feet past the hole, or hit the ball into the water. I don't know.)
In this case, something good DID happen. Miraculous, in fact. The ball bounced up near the green, and caught a patch of rough which slowed it down just enough to dribble toward the cup, and clink against the pin, as the miracle five-wood from 200 yards away dropped into the cup for an eagle 2.
Unbelievable! Finally, a bright spot in my otherwise horrid experience with this game.
It was so good, in fact, that I hit the X button, for "replay shot". Let's look at this one again. Let's savor it, while we have the chance.
And there's my little fat black guy rearing back with that magic five wood, and there he is smacking the crap out of the ball, and there it is heading toward the green, toward that magic patch of rough which would kick it toward the---
...and, on the lives of your children, I swear to you, on the replay, the ball missed the rough, and bounded over the green into a swale of gunch.
"Aww, that's too bad," announced the announcers, joining with this disastrous re-telling of history.
I hit "replay" again, and again the ball bounds over the green into the crap. "Aww, that's too bad."
Surely it must have at least given me credit for the original shot, give me that hole, let me go ahead with the match with a one-hole advantage after that miracle.
And you know what? It didn't. Even after I watched the thing go into the hole the first time, and watched my fat black guy celebrate, there I was, being forced to play the rest of the hole that I'd already won, simply because I wanted to reconfirm to myself the impossible -- that something good had actually happened whilst playing Tiger '08.
It did.
Then it didn't.
The replay that changed history and lost me the match.
The worst thing that has ever happened in a video game ever.
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