by Billy Mays » Tue Sep 20, 2016 9:59 am
pinback wrote:Billy Mays wrote:
This is because the language to describe the taste of bananas is science.
So if I say to you, please describe the Grand Canyon to me, you're going to show me a map and list a bunch of statistics about the width and depth and how it was formed, etc, etc.
No, if you asked me to describe the Grand Canyon, I would premise it by saying how it is one of the 7 Natural Wonders of the World, how it is a rocky canyon that was carved out by the Colorado River, and is located in the state of Arizona. I would then describe it's beautiful earthen colors of browns, oranges, yellows, and the green plant life that clings to its sides. The vibrant pink and other myriad of colors of the sky as the sun rises over it. How it is 277 miles long, 18 miles wide, and has a maximum depth of 6,093 feet. I would then go more specifically into the geology of the formation if needed, as well as the cultural significance to each of the groups that occupied that area at one time or another.
And then you would say something completely inane like:
"But how do we really know its real, I mean like really, really know its real? (followed by some combination of psychobabble and pseudoscience)."
To which I would explain how optic nerves located in our retina relay refracting light to our brain which then gets translated into images in our mind.
To which you would respond with something like:
Describe that which is science, but not with science.
To which I would respond that: "You are either the dumbest goddamn person on planet Earth, or you are really a retired astronaut/neurosurgeon who been trolling me this entire time!"
And regardless of how this conversation concludes itself:
I hope, no I PRAY, that we will be having it on the top of the actual Grand Canyon so that I can then front kick you in your solar plexus à la the movie "300". And when I look down to see you helplessly falling back towards the cold embrace of oblivion, we lock eyes, and I see the light go on in your brain where you realize that I was right this entire time, and that your current predicament is solely the result of a series of poor life decisions on your part, right before your limp body bounces an almost inconceivable amount of times off of the rocky canyon floor.
Then, later on at the press conference, the President comes out and pins a chest full of medals on me just prior to somehow receiving the "Key to the City" from every mayor in the United States.
And while I can't speak for him personally, I imagine ICJ will then give me a second $20 gift card to Sizzler.
pinback wrote:Have you been out of your house,
No.
pinback wrote:or are you too busy jerking it
Yes.
pinback wrote:to old VHS tapes of infomercials
No.
pinback wrote:in your basement to be bothered with all of that?
Yes
[quote="pinback"][quote="Billy Mays"]
This is because the language to describe the taste of bananas is science.
[/quote]
So if I say to you, please describe the Grand Canyon to me, you're going to show me a map and list a bunch of statistics about the width and depth and how it was formed, etc, etc.
[/quote]
No, if you asked me to describe the Grand Canyon, I would premise it by saying how it is one of the 7 Natural Wonders of the World, how it is a rocky canyon that was carved out by the Colorado River, and is located in the state of Arizona. I would then describe it's beautiful earthen colors of browns, oranges, yellows, and the green plant life that clings to its sides. The vibrant pink and other myriad of colors of the sky as the sun rises over it. How it is 277 miles long, 18 miles wide, and has a maximum depth of 6,093 feet. I would then go more specifically into the geology of the formation if needed, as well as the cultural significance to each of the groups that occupied that area at one time or another.
And then you would say something completely inane like: [i]"But how do we really know its real, I mean like really, really know its real? (followed by some combination of psychobabble and pseudoscience)."[/i]
To which I would explain how optic nerves located in our retina relay refracting light to our brain which then gets translated into images in our mind.
To which you would respond with something like: [i]Describe that which is science, but not with science.[/i]
To which I would respond that: "You are either the dumbest goddamn person on planet Earth, or you are really a retired astronaut/neurosurgeon who been trolling me this entire time!"
And regardless of how this conversation concludes itself:
I hope, no I PRAY, that we will be having it on the top of the actual Grand Canyon so that I can then front kick you in your solar plexus à la the movie "300". And when I look down to see you helplessly falling back towards the cold embrace of oblivion, we lock eyes, and I see the light go on in your brain where you realize that I was right this entire time, and that your current predicament is solely the result of a series of poor life decisions on your part, right before your limp body bounces an almost inconceivable amount of times off of the rocky canyon floor.
Then, later on at the press conference, the President comes out and pins a chest full of medals on me just prior to somehow receiving the "Key to the City" from every mayor in the United States.
And while I can't speak for him personally, I imagine ICJ will then give me a second $20 gift card to Sizzler.
[quote="pinback"]Have you been out of your house,[/quote]
No.
[quote="pinback"]or are you too busy jerking it[/quote]
Yes.
[quote="pinback"]to old VHS tapes of infomercials[/quote]
No.
[quote="pinback"]in your basement to be bothered with all of that?[/quote]
Yes