A poll.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

A friend invited my wife and I to come to his town, as a third friend was visiting, on March 22nd.

I explained to my friend that I couldn't make it and told him why - we are buying a house, selling a house, blah blah.

He replied something along the lines of it's ok I'll invite you next time and get the next overcomplicated excuse. I assume he was joking.

My question is!

When someone can't make an event do you prefer a simple yes or no? Or does the reasoning matter at all? I've always been under the impression that is better to give all the reasons.

[Flack]

I think it's only polite to offer up a reason for not attending. If I sent you an invite to come visit and you simply replied with "No thanks," I would think you were mad. So yes, I would give a reason, and if I were on the other side of the equation, I would expect a reason.

[Billy Mays]

You did the right thing and Flack summed up perfectly what any normal person should expect or be expected to do under those circumstances. The thing I would like to discuss, and that stands out the most, is this part of the story:

He replied something along the lines of it's ok I'll invite you next time and get the next overcomplicated excuse. I assume he was joking.

Joking or not, this guy sounds like a massive c-word. "Hey, no problem, good luck with the move and I hope to catch you next time then" would be an appropriate response. For what he wrote to you I can only hope that you responded with a lower case and without punctuation "eat a dick"

[The Happiness Engine]

I believe we are unanimous unless you have SUCH a reputation for flaking that people call it "Jonseying" behind your back. Because out here we have a word for that and that word is the name of a guy (who does that).

Do... do you do that?

[AArdvark]

We used to call it japping or japping out. I guess it's called flaking now. I've never known RobB to do that, no matter what the label.

[RealNC]

I don't care. "I can't make it" or "I'm busy that day" is enough. I don't care about the reason, which is why I don't mention it to others either.

[pinback]

I think it's only polite to offer up a reason for not attending. If I sent you an invite to come visit and you simply replied with "No thanks," I would think you were mad. So yes, I would give a reason, and if I were on the other side of the equation, I would expect a reason.

What if the reason was "I don't wanna"?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I believe we are unanimous unless you have SUCH a reputation for flaking that people call it "Jonseying" behind your back. Because out here we have a word for that and that word is the name of a guy (who does that).

Do... do you do that?

Well, this wasn't a situation where I agreed to do something and then later bailed at the last minute or without telling anyone. This was a, "Hey, here is an interjection that came up, it's a week away but if you can make it, cool."

There are two times that I can remember in my life where I flaked and flaked bad.

The first - a friend was asking me to help with his small business of event planning. He needed someone to do some manual labor for an event. I told him three times I didn't want to do it but he kept pressing. So I said I would try to be there and then didn't go. This was pre-cell phone for me, maybe ... 2000?

The second - some BBS friends were going to all get dinner when I came into town. (I was flying from Colorado to Rochester.) There were flight issues or delays or something and I couldn't make it out. Pre cell phone so I couldn't tell them. I did feel terrible about it and I believe I made it up to everyone later somehow.

I think cell phones help a lot with flaking.

Before I met my wife I went on dates with 20-30 girls that I met through dating sites. None stood me up. When I was shooting actors for Cyberganked I kept track of the people who did a "no call no show" and the number is 4 or 5 out of maybe 100. (That's with me paying them anywhere from 50-200 for their time.) So it's better to try to date someone than conduct a business transaction with them. I dunno.

[Billy Mays]

I told him three times I didn't want to do it but he kept pressing. So I said I would try to be there and then didn't go.

[pinback]

Now, what if the scenario is, a friend or relative of a good friend of yours calls you out of the blue asking for a significant, immediate favor, and for whatever reason, you're not able to help at that juncture. Is that something you'd keep bringing up and shoving in their face for the next 15 years as proof that they're an unhelpful, unreliable lout?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Now, what if the scenario is, a friend or relative of a good friend of yours calls you out of the blue asking for a significant, immediate favor, and for whatever reason, you're not able to help at that juncture. Is that something you'd keep bringing up and shoving in their face for the next 15 years as proof that they're an unhelpful, unreliable lout?

Mistakes were made.

I tried to make up for my boorish behavior over the years. I hope that you have no beef with me over that particular situation.

[Jizaboz]

I remember back when the bass player in my old band just sort of started showing up or not for practice depending on what girl he was chasing or whatever without any explanation.

So yeah just telling me you can’t be there is totally acceptable.

[Flack]

I think it's only polite to offer up a reason for not attending. If I sent you an invite to come visit and you simply replied with "No thanks," I would think you were mad. So yes, I would give a reason, and if I were on the other side of the equation, I would expect a reason.

What if the reason was "I don't wanna"?

That would be better response than getting someone's hopes up and then leaving them to eat at Twisters by themselves.

[pinback]

Eating at a Twisters by myself sounds like some fantastic, unattainable dreamscape to me. If that happened to you, then whoever had a part in it... thank them.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I'd like to say that we kept the place interesting for you Flack, but I kinda fucked that up.

[pinback]

I think he was talking about me.

[Flack]

I'd like to say that we kept the place interesting for you Flack, but I kinda fucked that up.

You know, it's great to come back and see so many areas with new posts. It almost makes me want to limit my visits the forum to once a week, just for the rush I get of seeing a wave of new posts! But then the six days I was away, I would be sad. Maybe if I had a time machine I could leap forward a week at a time and always have new posts to read -- the best of both worlds!

On second thought, that's probably the worst use of a time machine ever.