December 2019 CALTROPS offer to Paul

[Tdarcos]

Heh, guy who claims he doesn't like internet porn

I did not say I didn't like it, I think I said it was repetitive and boring. I have seen some amazing things. which, because, I've promised Jonsey not to recount what I saw, at least not here.

is obsessed with freaky sex.

Freaky sex? FREAKY SEX? You call man-on-top missionary position 'freaky'? Jesus, and you seem to think I don't know much about sex.

Maybe he's lying about alcohol too and really drinks something freaky like Four Loko.

You're probably kidding, but how exactly do I mpurchase a controlled substance like alcohol, that you have to go in person to buy in order to prove you're over 21? They can't ship alcohol unless they get age verification,. Further, I don't like the taste of anything alcoholic.

[Tdarcos]

He will never, ever see my request. That's the one thing I want for Christmas.

Well, don't forget I have vision problems.

Wow, Tdarcos didn't see this post, WHAT ARE THE ODDS

(They were 100%)

I checked the time. You posted this one hour after I had posted something. Jesus, Jonsey, this place isn't that busy, it rates about one visit a day. If I've posted a question, maybe two; once in the morning and once at night. Christ, give a guy time to answer! Did you forget I'm having vision problems? My infamous TELEGRAM ALL CAPS message, because I could barely see, I thought was probably well known by everyone here.

I have other things I am working on.

1. I have one book - Marnie - I am currently working on. Plus other books I have been working on
2. Willis and Friends[
3. Working title Facepalm, about a man named Tab Walker
4. Don't Break the Merger
5. The Locust
6. The Takeover Man
7. The Gatekeeper: The Gatekeeper Admits
8. The Gatekeeper: The Gatekeeper's Small Change
9. The Interactive Fiction game The Librarian
10. I am writing a program using Free Pascal to build certain parts of Hugo programs, and will eventually become a set of tools for writing Hugo programs.

[pinback]

He's really ratcheting up the crazy! Should be an interesting 2020.

[Flack]

I have popcorn ready and also my suit pressed.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

He will never, ever see my request. That's the one thing I want for Christmas.

Well, don't forget I have vision problems.

We are all sympathetic to the vision issues.

Look, some people aren't gonna be able to visit as often as they'd like if you keep hammering home the sex stuff. Caltrops is not a ghetto - it desperately needs content and anyone going there deserves what happens to them. Do we have an agreement? I've tried to be a good ally of yours over the years. Won't you help me out here, Commander?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I have other things I am working on.

1. I have one book - Marnie - I am currently working on. Plus other books I have been working on
2. Willis and Friends[
3. Working title Facepalm, about a man named Tab Walker
4. Don't Break the Merger
5. The Locust
6. The Takeover Man
7. The Gatekeeper: The Gatekeeper Admits
8. The Gatekeeper: The Gatekeeper's Small Change
9. The Interactive Fiction game The Librarian
10. I am writing a program using Free Pascal to build certain parts of Hugo programs, and will eventually become a set of tools for writing Hugo programs.

I am looking forward to these projects, but if the IF game is really sex heavy, my request is that topics about it go over to Caltrops. Please.

[Tdarcos]

Look, some people aren't gonna be able to visit as often as they'd like if you keep hammering home the sex stuff.

I said I would cool it. Or what I ssaid was I would tone it down.

As for messages here I shall endeavor to remember to "tone it down" in normal conversation.

Don't you read what I write? Probably not, or not much. Or maybe I wasn't clear. I shall avoid explicit discusion or reference to sexual activity unless specifically questioned.

Caltrops is not a ghetto - it desperately needs content

I was being a bit facetious, Remember my line:

As the saying goes, "That's right, always send the minorities¹ to the ghetto." I know I've seen that phrase before.

Yeah, where did I see that phrase before? Oh yeah, in the very messdage I'm writing! Also, "ghetto" has several meanings, including:

1. skip
2. skip
3. An area in which people who are distinguished by sharing something other than ethnicity concentrate or are concentrated.
4. (figuratively, sometimes derogatory) An isolated, self-contained, segregated subsection, area or field of interest; often of minority or specialist interest.

Definition #3, Caltrops contains a huge concentration of "cretinous reprobates."
Definition #4, Caltrops has people who are interested in cretinous reprobatery.

and anyone going there deserves what happens to them.

Exactly what the Nazis said about the Jews they sent to the Warsaw ghetto!

Jonsey, I'm doing something to you, but because I am supposed to restrict what I say, I can't say it. It begins with an f, ends with "ing" and has 7 letters. Oh hell, I'll say it, I'm fooling you. Actually the real word is something else, and I just did it to you twice.

I've never really thought of Caltrops as a ghetto, but when you recommended I go there to post, instead, the parallel was just too tempting.

Do we have an agreement? I've tried to be a good ally of yours over the years. Won't you help me out here, Commander?

But of voutde
I was hoping you'd get the humor in my message and tell me to go get something I'm not allowed to say, followed by the opposite of "in," and do it "here." Ph wait, I'm not supposed to say "do it," Oh well, looks like I'm screwed. Oh wait, I can't say that either!

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Okay, also, the thing about the serial killer stuff - I was forced to put that in before. I am glad that we can let bygones be bygones there. You are an important member of this community, regardless of whether or not you've got a few kills under your belt. I'm saying that if you do it's okay. You're important enough here where that is not the line. For someone like k. roo? That would have been the line. But not for you. If it was less than a family.

[Tdarcos]

"The Governor General's Entrance" a new story, exclusively on Caltrops: https://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?act ... pid=199656

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Thanks pal.

[Tdarcos]

Was looking for this message to post this. (Also so Billy Mays can include it in my archive.)

"Two People on a Third Date" a new story, exclusively on Caltrops: https://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?act ... pid=200469

[AArdvark]

Wow, you never dated much, did you. Good story though. Why don't you copy and paste it over here? There could be a dedicated writing base for all of us to contribute and peer-review.

THE
INKLINGS
AARDVARK

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

By the way, if the Commander ever wants to make $25 for a month all he's got to do is post most days in that month to Caltrops. It's an open offer.

[Billy Mays]

(Also so Billy Mays can include it in my archive.) "Two People on a Third Date"

It's been Tdarchived.

[Tdarcos]

Wow, you never dated much, did you.

As a matter of fact, I did. Some women told me after the first date that there was no chemistry. I actually appreciated that, at least I wasn't wasting time. A few went on multiple dates, and in my case I found the times it happened if she was willing to bed me it happened by the second date.

I've heard from others that it's no later than the third date or it doesn't happen. That doesn't mean there can't be outliers. A small number of women might want a few more visits and then are willing. And the reports are, in about 25% of people going on dates, the couple would have sex on the first date.

Good story though. Why don't you copy and paste it over here? There could be a dedicated writing base for all of us to contribute and peer-review.

In your case, you stories tend to not be very interesting. I'm surprised Jonsey hasn't complained about all the sexual puns in your writing. Probably couldn't bring himself to read it. I even sneak one into my first book, The Gate Contracts where a short news report speaks about a dead rock star.

[pinback]

In your case, you stories tend to not be very interesting. I'm surprised Jonsey hasn't complained about all the sexual puns in your writing. Probably couldn't bring himself to read it. I even sneak one into my first book, The Gate Contracts where a short news report speaks about a dead rock star.

God DAMN! Oh isss awwwwn now.

[AArdvark]

Well, maybe I'll write a short story that will hold your interest....

[AArdvark]

Quick show of hands, does anyone else think my stuff is interesting?

THE
EXIT POLL
AARDVARK

[Casual Observer]

Raises hand.

[bryanb]

That was a really unnecessary attack on AArdvark's writing, Paul. Not cool at all and it really disrupted the thread. I'll try to put us back on topic. Also, since a poll started as I was writing this message I'm also raising my hand because AArdvark's stories are great.

TWO PEOPLE ON A THIRD DATE: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

Disrespected woman: "You know, I really almost deceived myself for a moment into thinking you might be the one for one moment of utter stupidity, but you always manage to find a way to remind me of your many douchebag-like qualities before an evening is complete. Now you seem to think you can pressure me into having sex with you by threatening to put an end to our little outings. It's not going to work. Do I really need to remind you that I've been paying for all the food because you said you'd already spent your Social Security check this month? Your tedious and meandering conversation has certainly not given me any sort of return on my investment so far. That you think you're even in a position to demand anything from me is outrageous. I'm not a struggling actress and you're not Harvey Weinstein -- there's a certain physical resemblance there, I grant you, but you'd need to lose at least three hundred pounds to really pull the look off."

Coercive man: "Let's not get hysterical here. I thought you were mature enough to be able to handle a mutually beneficial relationship between two consenting adults..."

Disrespected woman: "Just shut up. SHUT UP for one second in your life."

Coercive man: "No, you shut up. If you're not going to give me what I'm here for, I don't need to hear a single word more of your idiotic drivel."

A familiar burning feeling convulsed through the coercive man's body as shoe met balls. He fell to the floor clutching his stomach. The disrespected woman then marched confidently out of the restaurant, only pausing to exchange high fives with restaurant patrons as they chanted, "You go, girl!" Meanwhile, the coercive man rose unsteadily to his feet and pointed a crooked finger towards the disrespected woman, glowering in unfathomable rage.

Coercive man: "That's assault according to Maryland Code Section 3..."

Waiter: "Don't be such a douchebag. Do you need some ice?"

THE END