Survival Bread

[pinback]

This is where we're gonna talk about -- and cook! -- SURVIVAL GODDAMN BREAD.

Tomorrow is HARDTACK WEDNESDAY, so get your shit together.

[pinback]

Also one of the first things we're gonna use it for is to dip into that green chile stew that just got bumped. Goddamn does that look good.

[RetroRomper]

Be cautious to not chip a tooth and if it's proper "18th century Whaling Ship" hardtack, you'll likely need to soak it in water for a prolonged period of time after it's baked and set.

[AArdvark]

Is this the kind of 'bread' any random South American soccer team would eat high up in the Andes mountains?

[pinback]

The goal is what Retro is talking about, impossibly hard "bread" that will last forever, and that you have to soften up before you eat it.

The way this world's going, we're gonna need it! Am I right?! Retro? Right? Way the world's going?

[AArdvark]

The hell is in it that it's dehydrated, like a sponge?

[pinback]

The hell is in it that it's dehydrated, like a sponge?

It's flour, a little salt, and enough water to make a very tight dough, then baked until rock hard. You poke holes in it so it doesn't puff up, and remains basically an impenetrable, infinitely-preservable brick of flour.

We're all very excited.

[Casual Observer]

Are you making biscotti? I never thought about what would happen if we couldn't dip super hard biscuits into our espresso after the apocalypse.

[pinback]

The Survival Bread thread is not exclusionary. If you wish to survive on biscotti, you are encouraged to join the fun (and show your work!)

[Casual Observer]

The Survival Bread thread is not exclusionary. If you wish to survive on biscotti, you are encouraged to join the fun (and show your work!)

Frankly, I don't wish to survive. Life is hard enough with a job and ample access to supermarkets. Anything more and fuck it, pls let me die.

[pinback]

Pfff, see if I share my survival bread with THIS sad sack!

[Billy Mays]

This just seems like a way for you to eat for longer periods of time while still consuming fewer calories. Why not call it "Slow Death Bread"?

[pinback]

Nobody's forcing you to participate in this.

[AArdvark]

Now this bread, it does not sound very....fun. Is there some way to kick it up a notch? I understand about the longevity factor, it will probably outlast a Twinkie. Is there a reason to make this, a delicious reason?

THE
LATE TO RISE
AARDVARK

[pinback]

No other reason that... SURVIVAL!! Don't ya wanna SURVIVE, Vark?!

[RetroRomper]

"Soak the hardtack in water for 2 hours until it becomes spongy. If you’re eating genuine hardtack, and would like to consume it in a historically authentic method, you’ll need to soak the hardtack for 1 or 2 hours. Submerge as many pieces of hardtack as you like in a bowl filled with tap water, and let it soak."

Besides all the stupid Dooms Day Preppers out there, hardtack was never meant to be eaten alone: make sure to have an Orange or potato with it so you don't die from scurvy or a vitamin deficiency.

Welcome to Hell.

[pinback]

Batch one is done! Pretty good! Tastes like unsweetened breakfast cereal. I soaked for five minutes. Nice and crunchy.

Retro, I understand why you might not be terribly enthusiastic about survival bread.

[RetroRomper]

A bit deeper than whatever you're thinking: my Grandfather was the Family Historian and latched onto a specific line of ancestry that involved my Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather or such. That tied into Whaling in the 19th or so century and that included quite a few discussions on hardtack, life at sea, history itself of whaling, ship building, and much else. My feelings about hardtack are personal because I know so much about it.

[pinback]

How did I know you would.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Will this survival bread feed a hungry family during the pandemic? And can you make enough of it to sort of attach loaves together to act as a husband-like mannequin?