Lightning-Fast Homemade Egg McMuffins

[pinback]

Gonna start these again this week, but I think instead of making them in two minutes, I'll do what Guest suggested and have DoorDash bring me an Egg McMuffin, then remove the egg and replace it with a fresh egg, then remove the bacon and replace it with fresh bacon, then remove the muffin and toast my own muffin, then discard the cheese and replace it with cheese.

What a stupid fuckin' idiot. We HATE you, Guest.

(But no, we are doing these this week.)

[Flack]

I'm not often visiting regular grocery stores

That part aged well.

[RealNC]

There's an American cheese and aging joke here somewhere, but it probably sucks anyway.

[Casual Observer]

that sounds nasty dude. Radar ranges are sick, although I can see why you'd be seeking an alternative to the "eggs" at mcdonalds.

Just get the $1 sausage mc muffin, fry an egg the old skool way, slap that bitch on there. It doesn't take long to fry an egg either and you're not using the microwave like a retard.

I use real butter even though it probably costs more than a quarter.

McD eggs are not fried, though, so you're making an entirely different sandwich. They are, for lack of a better word, "poached", and microwaving does a pretty excellent job of simulated said "poach".

Just watched a video and can't agree with "poached". Poached is cooking in a little boiling water which creates a wet, whispy egg white and hopefully an intact yolk. McD's is frying them on a flat top grill in cookie cutter looking rings but adding steam to keep em moist. Actually I feel better about eating those after the video.

[pinback]

Go ahead, fry an egg in an "egg ring" at home, and then nuke another one in a bowl for a minute, and tell me which one reminds you more of an Egg McMuffin.

There is no reason for anyone here to be fighting me on any of this. Never fight me on this. (waves hands) ANY of this.

"Once the grill is sizzling, chefs crack open fresh, whole eggs onto the grill. They then break the yolk of each egg to make sure they cook evenly and spray the eggs with water so they can poach."

People on this BBS are fighting me about weight loss and making Egg McMuffins.

Jesus Christ.

[Casual Observer]

Just saying "poached" is different than frying with a spray of water or steam.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

There's an American cheese and aging joke here somewhere, but it probably sucks anyway.

America does a lot of things I'm proud of, but man, did we drop the ball when it came to the kind of cheese named after us. :/

[pinback]

Just saying "poached" is different than frying with a spray of water or steam.

Yes, but let's remember that you are aggressive wrong about every single topic you post about on this BBS.

[Casual Observer]

Just saying "poached" is different than frying with a spray of water or steam.

Yes, but let's remember that you are aggressive wrong about every single topic you post about on this BBS.

Have you ever poached an egg? I'm an egg poaching fucking master. You bring 2" of water with a tbsp of white vinegar to a boil, back off to a simmer, use wooden spoon to spin water. Break an egg carefully into a small bowl, gently dip bowl into water and ease egg into water. Use wooden spoon to keep water spinning while gently pushing egg whites back to the collective. 1.5 minutes later you've got easy poached.

No resemblance to McD's, that's all I'm saying.

[pinback]

This conversation is over, unless Odyssia76 wants to proclaim the Maillard reaction a myth.

[odyssia76]

. All of this is without EVEN getting into how the person called microwaves "radar ranges" which might be the single dumbest conspiracy theory / paranoid bit I've ever seen in my life.

That person was probably over 50. "Radar Range" was the brand name of the first commercial microwave in 1967. By Amana, I believe. The name stuck for some time before "microwave oven" became the default, so you still sometimes hear older folks use it. And back then what we now call a "stove" was often called a "Range".

Fans of the movie "Airplane!" may remember the "Radar Range" joke in there since when the movie was made in the 70s most folks got the référence.

[odyssia76]

. You bring 2" of water with a tbsp of white vinegar to a boil, back off to a simmer, use wooden spoon to spin water. Break an egg carefully into a small bowl, gently dip bowl into water and ease egg into water. Use wooden spoon to keep water spinning while gently pushing egg whites back to the collective. 1.5 minutes later you've got easy poached.

SO much fucking work. Vinegar? Spoons and bowls? And WASHING said spoons and bowls? Jesus christ, may as well make rack of lamb when you have that much time.

It's pointless to discuss how to cook eggs since they taste exactly the same no matter how you cook them. It's like caring whether you use rotini or penne pasta - It's all the fucking same shit in a different shape. Any effort spent cooking an egg in any manner other than scrambled is wasted time. Well, except hard boiled, but that's a texture thing, not a flavor thing.

[pinback]

This is Finsternis. There's no way this isn't Finsternis.

C'mon, man. It's cool, we're happy to have you back.

[Casual Observer]

Fans of the movie "Airplane!"

Love that movie, it got me fired!!!

[Casual Observer]

It's pointless to discuss how to cook eggs since they taste exactly the same no matter how you cook them. It's like caring whether you use rotini or penne pasta - It's all the fucking same shit in a different shape. Any effort spent cooking an egg in any manner other than scrambled is wasted time. Well, except hard boiled, but that's a texture thing, not a flavor thing.

Pinback? Really? You're not going to call she/him out on one of the worst takes in the history of JC? You might be right that Odyssia is Finn because that's something that an old fat lazy fuck would say, not a so called democratic woman living in Vermont.

How can eggs taste different? Let me count the ways. Seriously, there are thousands of different ways to cook an egg, I only know a few.
- The aforementioned poached: What's wonderful about this is the light whispy egg whites and the almost fully uncooked yolk. Pierce the yolk and dip your toast or bacon
- Scrambled - little bit of milk or cream in the egg plus whatever else you want (tomatoes, onions, herbs, peppers, mushroom bits, whatever), what's nice is there are little bits of flavor everywhere and the consistency is uniform
- Omlett - similar flavor to scrambled but you have different tastes in different bites
- Over Easy / Fried - similar yolk benefit to the poached but add crispy burned fried taste
- Hard Boiled - tell me deviled eggs don't taste different than any other egg preparation, plus you can put them in tuna/chicken salads, you can eat by itsself
- Stuffing / Mac and Cheese / Meatloaf - um, hello, cooked eggs are an integral part to so many dishes
- Drinks - mmm, coctails shaken with egg whites, nice foamy goodness

And don't even get me started about different shapes of pasta. I have strong opinions.

[pinback]

There's no point. I've known this man for over 30 years, and he's never going to change. (Or lose weight.)