Pinback Curates Analog Horror... For You!

[AArdvark]

How much of that is all digital and how much is a stage set?

[pinback]

It is all digital. (Except for the filmed part at the beginning.)

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

That was a good one. I am glad he found the footage.

[pinback]

This one is not top-tier but it has one very oogie moment that I think makes it worthwhile:

LIFE MEAT!

[pinback]

This one's for JIZ! It's a training video for waterpark employees!

Apparently this Eventide Media Center video got taken down originally, but someone re-uploaded it. I like it a lot (as I do all of the Eventides.)

[AArdvark]

These are pretty funny! Are they really horror or just dark humor? Now if you will excuse me, I have to go and say 'life meat' about a thousand times in a news narrator voice...

[pinback]

I mean, they're not supposed to be LOL funny. Nervous laughter, at the most. But if they're hilarious to you, then great!

[pinback]

Aardvark be like

[AArdvark]

Life Meat is now one of my instant top five catch phrases when I go to the grocery store!

[Tdarcos]

This one is not top-tier but it has one very oogie moment that I think makes it worthwhile:

LIFE MEAT!

Okay, let's see, or hear in this case. Starting at 0:30: "But, there is a problem. We can't enjoy meat forever."
Okay, let's hear why. "Recent studies gave found that, if not tackled soon, the world's meat supply chain will fail, within the next 20 to 39 years."
Okay, I'm listening, tell me how this is happening or what is causing it. Loonnng pause. "So after all the world's meat is gone, what then?"

Oh, hold it just a second buddy, you don't get to drop an unsubstantiated claim on me and expect me to just accept your bald claims at face value! I ain't some dumb-as-fuck fundamentalist Christian who believes it when some preacher says the world is going to end on a certain date, and sells all their possessions to buy advertising to tell people about it. You have to have evidence. You've made a claim, now proceed to justify that claim. Where's your proof?"

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
Claims made without evidence may be dismissed without evidence."

[pinback]

Tdarcos did not understand the video.

Tdarcos did not understand that video either.

[Tdarcos]

Tdarcos did not understand the video.

Tdarcos did not understand that video either.

Oh, I did understand it. We're going to run out of meat withing our lifetime (long before we run out of oil) and so we need a replacement. Okay, when we run out of meat those (now unemployed) federal beef inspectors become horse meat inspectors, beef packing plants become horse slaughterhouses, and those huge stockyards become horse storage facilities. But that's beside the point.

Okay, so we're going to run out of meat (presumably beef, anyway), so this company has developed a meat substitute that turns everyone into zombies. Either that, or it's Soylent Green.

[Tdarcos]

It's a training video for waterpark employees!

So let's see. 1. During certain times, water rides will use reserved paths for a specific "visitor."
2. Nobody else can use the ride while this visitor is present. A "special operator" will sound "all clear" when the visitor has left.
3. Visiting "season" for this "visitor" is about six weeks, 8/1-9/13.
4. The park will be sacred ground while the visitor is there.

Oh, i get it. The Pope is going to use the park and they don't want him disturbed by unwanted visitors. Or his boss, the lady who doesn't understand what irony is, Alanis Morisette, although I thought she was more into Skee Ball. Or on second thought, her competitor.

[AArdvark]

Commander, you're just having fun with these videos, right? You're not taking them seriously or trying to impose reality on them, right? RIGHT?

THE
NOT REAL
AARDVARK

[pinback]

On Halloween, exactly one year after the last video, Local 58, the greatest of all analog horror series, came out with a new one:



It is video taken from a spacecraft slowly approaching a strange meteor, broadcast on live TV, with the distorted voices of mission commanders droning in the background.

I hesitate to recommend it, because nobody here will like it. It's 30 minutes long, and saying "nothing happens" is not far from the mark, but the increasing sense of dread and impending horror, for me, made it absolutely compelling. I didn't skip a second, and I loved it from start to finish.

[pinback]

I read a comment describing it as an exercise in pareidolia, which once I looked up what that meant, yes, that is exactly what it is.

[AArdvark]

Hmmm, door. Not bad.

They have that creepy video effect down pat. I had to fast forward to the end though. I was thinking it was going to be another Apollo 19 and that was rather unsettling.