Dirty Limericks (NSW)

[Casual Observer]

I've been obsessing over Limericks this year. Started out when I found out CHATGPT could make limericks though specifically not dirty ones. Then I saw a movie called Pale Blue Eye which is a fictional tale about a murder investigation assisted by Edgar Allen Poe. In the movie Poe recites a dirty limerick which it doesn't seem was actually written by Poe but is great nonetheless. It kicked off some odd creativity in me and I've started writing dirty or sarcastic limericks. Thought I'd share some of my own in the thread but here's the classic one from the movie:

I met a lewd nude from Bermuda
She thought she was shrewd but I was shrewder
She thought it quite crude
To be wooded in the nude
So I pursued her, subdued her and screwed her

[Casual Observer]

First one inspired by a fire pit lit evening in the summer, first line influence by the classic:

There once was a lewd nude on the patio

Who was offered a bit of fellatio

She said no
The neighbors will know

But by then he was already licking her labios

[Casual Observer]

My wife is one who loves lobster

I'm not always thrilled at the cost of her

I say I don't have it
She says go get it

So goddam it if I'm not eatin it off of her

[Casual Observer]

Ok, these two were inspired by getting my wife's favorite dish for my birthday:

Not a fan of lobster rolls by the ocean

Too much bread and mayo too distractin

Like a woman's brain

Completely insane

It's got me needing relaxen

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

If these posts were on Hunter's laptop, I'd be in favor of locking him up too, sure.

[pinback]

Will most of these be crustacean-themed?

[AArdvark]

There once was a crab from Rangoon......

[Casual Observer]

There once was a crab from Rangoon,
Who danced 'neath the light of the moon.
With claws clicking bright,
And a shell gleaming white,
It waltzed to a seaside tune.

[AArdvark]

Oh, that wasn't even close to dirty. Elton John could sing that in concert. Make up more dirty ones, pleeze!

[Casual Observer]

Oh, that wasn't even close to dirty. Elton John could sing that in concert. Make up more dirty ones, pleeze!

I'm not an AI, you can't prompt me. I have to be inspired.

[Casual Observer]

There once was a crab from Rangoon
Who liked himself a wee bit of poon
But when in bed
She said you can't even give head
So he said fine can we at least spoon

[pinback]

CO was Paul the whole time!

[Casual Observer]

Another I wrote inspired by vacations.


For vacation my love packs eternity

With luggage so fit for a steamer sea

So much work to pack
And unpack the stack

So now she packs and unpacks for me

[AArdvark]

Huh, reminds me of Byron, if he ever wrote limericks

[Casual Observer]

Ok, not dirty but I mean it:

Our cat Zeus craves costly food
The price of which I'm not in the mood
Cuz he's not a nice cat
He's kind of a brat
But my wife loves him so I guess I'm screwed

[Tdarcos]

CO was Paul the whole time!

I want to say that's not true
I could shout until my face was blue
I know I was never the maker of that lie
But people say I'm just sly
To those who think that, fuck you!