Argh! Fuck you, Microsoft Office!

[Lysander]

So I get/steal a copy of Microsoft Office 2000. Now I'd seen the way that Office installs beforehand, and I wouldn't be taking the CD case home, so I carefully wrote down the serial number beforehand. *Buuuut*... I didn't check it. So I get home.

One letter.

One. God. Damn. Mother. Fucking. Letter. Is. Missing.

Now, I know that its somewhere in the first two five-letter groupings (I'm pretty *sure* its in the second one) but other than that I have no fucking clue what or where this letter is. As a result, the entire fucking product is rendered inopperable because I missed one fucking letter in the transcription. Fuck *you*, future generations!

[the letter Q]

Try me! Try me!

[the second letter F]

No! Me! Me me me me me! I'll make your Microsoft Office 2000 professional SR-1 premium service pack 3 discs 1 and 2 experience to be soooooo good for you! Just piiiiiick meeeeeeee!

[Jethro Q. Walrustitty]

Office 2000 is the worst abomination that MS has ever produced.

If you install it, do yourself a favor and copy all the install files to your hard drive and install it from there, and leave 'em there. Office 2000 is notorious for occasionally wanting the original CD, refusing to work until given the original CD, not accepting any CD but the original CD, and refusing even to be uninstalled without the original CD.

Office XP is a little better but still grumpy.

Me, I've been using OpenOffice lately and am pretty damn impressed with it. Does pretty much everything MS Office does, makes much smaller files (thanks to XML), opens all the MS Office formats, and is free. I think that most people who try it would find that it does everything they need.

[Lysander]

Hey, thhanks for the Open Office tip, JQR. I may look into that. But y'know what's worse than having to access the office files from a CD-rom that you have to go digging around for? Even worse than accessing it from a CD-ROM that you don't even *have* anymore? Having to access Office from a network directory that, thanks to the admin being a lazy son of a bitch, you *don't have access to*! Now it wants to access this shitty network drive whenever I try to run the fucking program from my school, and my student profile *can't access it*, the result being that I have to go to fucking *Notepad* to do all of my work until this shit is fixed, and promptly get downgraded from a "4" to a "3" because it wasn't properly formatted. E.G: instead of a nice, pretty, 100% A+, I get an 80% B-, nicely downing my grade and giving my dad yet another conniption fit (which, incidentally, is why I'm "not supposed to be here"), all because the network admin is a fucking moron. <B><U><I>RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAGGGEEEE!!!!!!</B></U></I>

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Will your problems be solved by someone giving you an Office serial number?

[Lysander]

Nah. Got someone to read off the CD case.

[Jack Straw]

You have to bring in warez to school to do your work?

What kind of shithole are you attending??

[Lysander]

No, Jack, you misunderstand. I'm taking the original office CD from school so I can put it on my home computer, because we ended up ordering it to come with Correl when we meant to order it with Office XP. We can't get ahold of office XP, so we're doing the best we can.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

No, Jack, you misunderstand. I'm taking the original office CD from school so I can put it on my home computer, because we ended up ordering it to come with Correl when we meant to order it with Office XP. We can't get ahold of office XP, so we're doing the best we can.

In other words: GRADE A USDA RECOMMENDED SHITHOLE.

[Vitriola]

We can't get ahold of office XP, so we're doing the best we can.

In other words: GRADE A USDA RECOMMENDED SHITHOLE.

Look at you. You know, this guy wants nothing more in the world than to grow up and be JUST LIKE YOU, and you gotta go hate. I didn't see anyone where you or I went to school that encouraged up to warez our syllabus material, did you?

I know how much it means to you to be number one, but you don't have to always go for the suicide option to get rid of the competition. Instead of the atomic bomb, you might want to try a slow sarin leak of gradual discreditation to reduce the opposition. It got Bush elected, it can work for you, too!*


Does not work if you are currently a member of the green party, have ever received a blowjob from a co-worker, or done any drugs in college.

[Lysander]

No, Jack, you misunderstand. I'm taking the original office CD from school so I can put it on my home computer, because we ended up ordering it to come with Correl when we meant to order it with Office XP. We can't get ahold of office XP, so we're doing the best we can.

In other words: GRADE A USDA RECOMMENDED SHITHOLE.

I don't get it.