Qucik Review of "The Thing": the game

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

My control scheme for first (and third) person shooters is basically the WASD setup, except that I use the numeric keypad. The numeric keypad 17 buttons all right next to each other, and set in perfect alignment. WASD doesn't. The only downside of my setup is that I have to have my keyboard crammed over to the side of my desk, as my left hand is on the numeric keypad and my right hand on my trackball.

"The Thing," the new release from Universal Interactive, does not allow you to use the numeric keypad as keyboard input. That's right. Neither with Num Lock on or off.

"The Thing" is, therefore, the worst game of all time and it sums up everything wrong with computer entertainment software.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Oh, and to save you need to find tape recorders and access them. I mention this purely for informational purposes.

[Ex-Reader of Robb's THING]

"The Thing" is, therefore, the worst game of all time and it sums up everything wrong with computer entertainment software.

Hooooo boy, here we go again. Maybe I can just save the rest of you a whole heapin' helpin' of time with the following summation of every video game review Robb has ever written, or ever will write:

"Hi, I'm Robb Sherwin, and even though I understand that 99.99999% of all game players use the standard input methods and are totally happy and comfortable with them, I REFUSE TO GO ALONG WITH THE NORM (even though as I indicated, it would make much more sense, and be much more comfortable, so I wouldn't have to cram my entire person over to one corner of the desk so far that I have to look at the screen sideways like I'm sitting at one side of the front row of a movie, which is probably why I suck so bad at video games anyway, now that you mention it), and because it doesn't cater to MY UNIQUE, RIDICULOUS TASTES, it TOTALLY SUCKS!!!!"

Oh, you're quite welcome. Hey, no reason all of us should have to waste our time reading these lame-ass reviews.

[Roody_Yogurt]

Heh, for some reason, I'm starting to warm up to Ex-Reader guy.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Heh, for some reason, I'm starting to warm up to Ex-Reader guy.

That's the inherent tragedy with the Ex-Reader of my Stool/Crap/Thing. Just as soon as you begin to think, "hey, he's not so bad" he stops reading and posting and becomes an official ex-reader and ex-poster.

Can't you see the populace wants to love you, Ex-Reader of my Filth?

Oh, you're quite welcome. Hey, no reason all of us should have to waste our time reading these lame-ass reviews.

WASD vs Keypad. I'm right and everyone else is wrong. You will find yourself trying out the keypad the next time you go to play a game, and in the back of your mind you will realize that I am right.

I would put it this way: WASD users will find themselves trying out the Keypad to see if it is better. Keypad users.... never try out WASD!!!

[Ex-Reader of Robb's POO]

I would put it this way: WASD users will find themselves trying out the Keypad to see if it is better. Keypad users.... never try out WASD!!!

Well, that's an interesting way of putting it.

I, on the other hand, would put it this way: WASD users (everyone except Robb) will find themselves not driving into the water in GTA3, and not sucking at The Thing and every other damn 3D game out there in the entire world, and not having to go to the chiropractor to fix their spines from the weird way they have to sit in their chair to be able to play. Keypad users (Robb).... continually whine because they never come close to remotely succeeding at ANY GODDAMN GAME IN THE WORLD!!!

That's how I would put it.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

How did *I* not succeed in "The Thing"?? How in the holy hell is it my fault?

Here's what happened:

1) I start up the game and set my keys.
2) These keys are ignored.
3) Not being able to move my guy, I decided to open fire on my squad members
4) One dribblefucker avoids running away, takes the ammo, and squeals something like, "eeeagh! You must be infected with it!!!"
5) I fill him up with more lead than is contained in the paint on the walls of the shantytown whorehouse your mother works M,W,Th,F,S at and the mission then abruptly ends

No, Ex-Reader of my Spittle, I think that if anything... I succeeded in spades.

[Ex-Reader of Robb's JIZZ]

How delightful pathetically repugnantly sad this man has become.

After failing so consistently and so spectacularly at video games for so very long, he's now having to indulge in the weird, wild, wonderful world of rationalization to convince himself that it's not he that is horrible at playing (and reviewing, I should add) these games, but it's that the games themselves that are causing all of his problems. The save game is screwed up. The controls aren't the way I like.

Meanwhile, nine year olds all over the world have already finished the games in the time it took Robb to log in here and start trying to convince us how superior he is, which endeavor ends up dripping irony, since his protests only serve to prove once and again how desperately inferior, and incapable of playing or understanding these child's toys he really is.

Desperately sad.

Desperately, delightfully sad.

[AArdvark]

WASD vs Keypad. I'm right and everyone else is wrong. You will find yourself trying out the keypad the next time you go to play a game, and in the back of your mind you will realize that I am right

I'm sitting here with a separate keypad on a USB port (the wife is a banker and she uses it all the time) I NEVER thought to configure it to play games with. MDK, here I come. Coming to GIT ya!


THE
GAMING
AARDVARK