The most frightening words ever spoken

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 10:14 am

Where's the snake??!??

Ohshitohshitwhere's the fucking snake holy shit how could it have gotten out of the tank I have to find the snake before Robb comes home he can't find out shit there's no snake or cat bodies it could be anywhere fuckmefuckmefuckme...

As I'm calling the reptile rescue, maybe to enlist some people to help me find the damn snake, I decided to check the 4 inches of pine shavings in the tank. It is said that snakes like to burrow, but this one has NEVER burrowed a goddamn day in it's life. Thank Christ, as I was about to leave a hysterical message, my hand hit little orange snake, sleeping peacefully under about 3 inches of bedding. I guess she felt cozy waking up to snow, too.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 10:24 am

The most frightening words ever spoken

"Those weren't Tootsie Rolls."

milker · Post by **milker** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 10:45 am

I do, want to see?

Ok bye,

Milker

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 11:23 am

Vitriola wrote:Where's the snake??!??

Ohshitohshitwhere's the fucking snake holy shit how could it have gotten out of the tank I have to find the snake before Robb comes home he can't find out shit there's no snake or cat bodies it could be anywhere fuckmefuckmefuckme...

As I'm calling the reptile rescue, maybe to enlist some people to help me find the damn snake, I decided to check the 4 inches of pine shavings in the tank. It is said that snakes like to burrow, but this one has NEVER burrowed a goddamn day in it's life. Thank Christ, as I was about to leave a hysterical message, my hand hit little orange snake, sleeping peacefully under about 3 inches of bedding. I guess she felt cozy waking up to snow, too.

I read the top part and the bottom was a total bummer.

Knuckles the CLown · Post by **Knuckles the CLown** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 2:23 pm

Jesus Christ, I may live in sqwaler (squaler, I don't know), but if I ever find a reptile within 5 miles of my home, I will torch the entire city block and anyone foolish enough to be on the "rescue team".

Worm · Post by **Worm** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 4:10 pm

Squalor actually.

I don't see the big hang up on reptiles though. The only thing I had in my house that ever bothered me were bugs.

Knuckles the CLown · Post by **Knuckles the CLown** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 5:38 pm

Reptiles- Uncaring, cold-blodded, predatory, scaly, disgusting beasts. Great pet, they shower all with love. I'd love to have a pet that would like nothing more than to kill me the first chance it had, except it can't becuase it's brain is the size of a pea. Pets=Dog,Cat, anything else and you are fooling yourself.

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 7:26 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:I'd love to have a pet that would like nothing more than to kill me the first chance it had

Dude, that's a cat.

Bruce

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 7:27 pm

Ohshitohshitwhere's the fucking snake holy shit how could it have gotten out of the tank I have to find the snake before Robb comes home he can't find out shit there's no snake or cat bodies it could be anywhere fuckmefuckmefuckme...

(Frantically pulling sofa cushions out, peering under random bookcases and antique video game systems.)

ICJ: Hi! I'm Home....What's wrong, dear?

V: Nothing! nothing at all,heheheh, why would there be anything wrong. DON'T SIT THERE!

ICJ:(Jumping up) WHAT! why, did you see a mouse or something?

V: No, no hehehe..er, no, no mouse. Defint'ly wouldn't be any mice about here, heh. I just, er.. I haven't straightened up that easy chair yet. Let me get a flashlight and straighten it up. Then you can sit down..

ICJ: (bending down and reaching under the sofa) Ha! Gotcha! little striped bastard!

V: (starting to panic) I am so sorry I don't know how it got out and I was looking everywhere and everything and tried to find it before you got home and...

ICJ: (pulling out necktie from under the couch) I've been looking for this thing for weeks now.. Why would you pull the living room apart just to find my clothes?

V: heh..well, you know....clean is good, and everything. Want the place nice when you come home. Have a nice dinner waiting, were having snakes..STEAKS! Steaks for dinner,with everything...

ICJ: This is starting to feel like a bad sitcom...

V:Is there such thing as a GOOD sitcom?

ICJ: If that slimy thing got into my new vectrex, i'll kill it!

THE
STILL, COUNT THE
CATS
AARDVARK
[/quote]

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 7:56 pm

http://www.uptoten.com/kids/boowakwala- ... armer.html

THE
HEHEHEHE
AARDVARK

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:40 am

How the hell did you find that? Was it an on-demand search, or do all you old JC people really have 1,046 links saved just in case you ever have to whip out a snake game someday?

danzaland · Post by **danzaland** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 1:43 pm

Anonymous wrote:http://www.uptoten.com/kids/boowakwala- ... armer.html

THE
HEHEHEHE
AARDVARK

GODDAMNIT people how many times have I told you not to drink and Flash or Photoshop. The world does not need this kind of crap! Stop making it. You are the same people that say if you punch that damnmonkey you win something. Nobody believes it and it annoys the shit out of everybody. I won't even begin about the type of people who link to such crap...

Oh and

ICJ: (pulling out necktie from under the couch)

THIS would never happen.... I don't think he even owns a necktie.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:48 pm

What else that could be called a 'striped bastard' would reside under the great Jonsey's couch? I leave the question for the floor....

THE
OK, YOU MAKE SOMETHING FUNNY UP
AND I'LL SIT AND DERIDE IT
AARDVARK

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 7:32 pm

AArdvark wrote:What else that could be called a 'striped bastard' would reside under the great Jonsey's couch? I leave the question for the floor....

Things that could possible reside under the couch:

cat vomit
cat mouse playthings (sometimes striped)
my underwear (never striped)
his underwear (streaked, not striped)
coins
Parrish's hidden rum bottles
dustbunnies
snakes. Oh, wait...no. Not snakes. Ever.

Benedict XI · Post by **Benedict XI** » Fri May 06, 2005 9:10 am

Vitriola wrote:Things that could possible reside under the couch:

cat vomit
my underwear (never striped)
his underwear (streaked, not striped)
Parrish's hidden rum bottles

I Do Not Get why Parrish is hoarding these things, but it's sick.

The most frightening words ever spoken

The most frightening words ever spoken

I have a snake

Re: The most frightening words ever spoken