Koreans to Pinback: WE DON'T SERVE YOUR KIND!

[pinback]

I found a wonderful, wonderful store in Fairfax, called the Super-H Mart. It is essentially an Asian grocery store, but the size of a gigantic supermarket -- bigger, in fact, than your everyday Safeway or Food Lion or whatever you have out there. It's enormous. The "produce" section is at least half a football field. There are aisles and aisles and aisles of stuff you've never even heard of, much less would consider eating. An entire corner of the store is dedicated to kimchee, with two people doing nothing but making fresh kimchee all day. I found two entire shelves of boiled fern. The "boiled fern" section, I suppose. The seafood section is a dizzying array of fresh, whole fish lying out in rows and rows of bins packed with ice. Live scary-looking things writhe and squirm in their tanks, while fish hawks bellow specials over bullhorns ("Fiii minute! Jumbo shrimp, $5.99 pound, fiii mo minute!") And this is all before you even get to the rice aisle, which, forget it.

I spent nearly a half hour in the place just browsing -- not buying anything, just walking around agog at the scenery. One entire wall of the produce section is taken up by little stalls where you can buy cooked food, and then head to the little counters set up behind them where you can chow down on your fresh goodies.

One of the places offered Korean dishes. I took a look at the menu up above the window, and decided, hey, I could go for a little bite. The first item ("#1") was described as "fish roe & vegetables in a spicy broth". Well, that sounds right up my alley!

I approach the cashier. "I'd like a number one, please."

Now, keep in mind that, I am by far the tallest person in the entire store, if you catch my drift. (Also the best driver, if you continue to catch my drift.) So I order the "number one", and the guy looks me up and down and goes: "Uhh, you know diss, numba one!?" I say, "Nope." He says, "Ahhh, how bout ahhh... numba *two*?"

I say, "Number one no good?"

"Ahh, issa fish roe, ahh." I say, "Yeah, I know."

"Iss veeelly spicy!!"

At this point, I'm like, nigga please. Gimme the "numba one" 'fore I slap you upside yo yellow, slopey head.

He eyes me nervously one more time and then finally acquiesces. "Ohhhkaay!"

Five minutes later, a burbling stone bowl at a full rolling boil, full of every shade of red known to man, is presented to me on a plastic cafeteria tray, along with a steel round of steamed rice and two small bowls of kimchee.

I lugged it over to the counter, and spent the next fifteen minutes sitting among the "natives", happily chopsticking away, round eyes misting over from the steam...

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

And? AND?

[pinback]

And what?

I ordered lunch, I got served lunch, then I ate lunch. That's the story.

[k. roo]

WE DON'T SERVE YOUR KIND!

I got served lunch

Wait... I almost got it.. hang on a sec..

[pinback]

I also purchased a Diet Pepsi from the vending machine as I left the establishment.

[Knuckles the Sandwich]

What a goddam pointless story.

[pinback]

Lots of people enjoyed that story.

More people enjoyed that story than enjoy your existence.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

It just didn't end with the payoff that we expected from the otherwise entertaining writing.

And don't get me wrong -- rather a half-backed shell of a story than what we were previously discussing and enjoying which was, of course, nothing.

...

... Well, thanks for creating a website around the only other thing I've got going on in my life. I really do live a vacant, mirthless existence for the most part. (Well, in terms of generating any mirth for the rest of you.) God, Ben, remember when we were both broke and unemployed? Remember when you took that long gluglug pull from the bottle of Rum and I said that were on the CUSP!? Do you remember?

Man, those were the days.

They are hiring Java Developers here shortly, by the way, for a lot of money and six weeks time off a year. You know. In case Randall Flagg's Second in Command can't make it over to your Net-Trolling Restaurant and you have to close it.

[chris]

Lots of people enjoyed that story.

Yeah, everybody in the world that didn't take the time to read it.

ICJ's right...your story was a giant buildup to a whole lot of nothing.

[chris]

I really do live a vacant, mirthless existence for the most part.

Welcome to adulthood!

[AArdvark]

What about the part where you cause a Pinback-Internet scene and the obligatory karate fight where fifteen orientials fight you one at a time and you defend yourself solely with a plastic spork and diet pepsi? Details like that are essential. we think the Sam's Club-east setting is all well and good but the CONFLICT of the story is lacking. Otherwise it's just a boring blog-type stuff. Did you even show any of the workers pictures of your palm tree infested apartment? That would have been a LITTLE more interesting than getting soup and soda for lunch.


"Ohhhhh! Velly nice prace you having, Honorable Pinback-san."


THE
BANG A GONG
AARDVARK

[pinback]

your story was a giant buildup to a whole lot of nothing.

So is your life, dipshit.

[chris]

your story was a giant buildup to a whole lot of nothing.

So is your life, dipshit.

FEEL TEH LOVE!