Sony to MS: We'll gut you like we did the Dreamcast

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

The absolute dumbest hobby in the world is playing video games. You can't walk into a store and buy a game and preserve even an iota of basic human dignity. One kid on another board piped up with the following regarding Electronics Boutique trying to squeeze another $2 out of you for disc insurance:

In response to the sales lines:

Yes, we're forced to do all of them. Although, the people at my store seem pretty smart about it. We apparently rotate "lines" each week and try and keep it funny and light hearted. One week was, "If a werewolf breaks into your house, bust into your fridge, and drinks your orange juice, and then goes and chews on all your new games. Well, we can replace the games if you get this warranty, but you'll still be out of orange juice." This week it's, "If one of your friends brings over a voodoo witch doctor he hex's one of your games, we'll gladly take the cursed copy back and replace it."

Yes, they are definitely pretty "smart" about it, ha ha! The guy was told what a huge dork he and his co-workers were in a proper manner so there's no reason to do it here, but the point is that you're in line, maybe your girlfriend or wife or non-game-playing brother is with you, you try to get a copy of Doom 3, can't because you didn't pre-order, end up with Tom Clancy's Box of Shit instead and hear that spoken. You know what I hear when I get a #97 Fatso Jon Sullivan jersey two stores down? Not a goddamn thing, that's what.

The latest shit is history repeating itself. In what proved to be a successful attempt to submarine the Dreamcast, Sony announced specs for the PS2 after Sega announced specs on the Dreamcast. Because this hobby is filled with sickeningly stupid palsy-level fanboys it's better to have a system you can't play that was a package of lies than one that worked perfectly and was readily available. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care less that Sega went belly-up in the hardware business, I just care about there being some decent games to play. It was even nice that Electronic Arts decided not to port their awful, awful shit to the Dreamcast because it meant that there was no chance you'd get a game they developed or published on accident. But the point is: empty promises killed a hardware platform, and stupid male twenty-somethings made it happen. They even got Peter "Whore" Molyneaux to spout off ridiculous comments like, "Well, it looks like Sony's got emotion covered," because the PS2 had a chip they laughably called the "Emotion Engine." The only emotion my PS2 has ever given me has been that of rage when I realized I dropped another $50 on a piece of shit that couldn't even work in save-anywhere into its budget.

The "Xbox 360" was announced the other day. It has a stupid name and a hard drive and will require memory cards and probably not be backwards compatible and I think that there hasn't been anything with as dumb a name as that in a very long time. Sony just announced specs for the PS3 and -- surprise surprise!! -- they trump the Xbox 360's and the PS3 won't be released any time soon.

The same thing is happening. The same people are pronouncing the PS3 the winner. The same people are still being very stupid.

Oh, well. I guess it doesn't really matter and is more sad than anything else. I don't know how to end this thing, so I'll just say that the Koreans quietly fed me.

[chris]

Oh, well. I guess it doesn't really matter and is more sad than anything else. I don't know how to end this thing, so I'll just say that the Koreans quietly fed me.

This shit's been going on since the days of the Atari 2600 and Intellivision. They all tried to trump each other by announcing shit that never actually made it to market. Hell, Mattel was even forced in court to produce a "computer add-on" for the Intellivision because they originally advertised that one would be available, but didn't actually have plans to release one.

The names may change, and the graphics may improve, but it's the same old shit.

[pinback]

but it's the same old shit.

I know the feeling. Like every time I read one of your piss-ant, maggot-sucking posts.

[Lex]

Pinback, go kill some jews, let out the anger.

I'll be getting an Xbox 2, and a PS3. They have been clever enough to build wireless networking into the Xbox 2, which means it can pretty much do all the stuff my chipped Xbox can, but this time at HD resolutions without melting the processor.

I'll be getting a PS3, not because I think it's ace, but because it can play PS1 and PS2 games. That's a back-catalogue of occasional awesome.

The Xbox 2 (I will not call it 360) is, get this, an Apple games machine, released by Microsoft.

Who would have believed that 2 years ago?

It's gonna be backwards compatible, though, but peacemeal: As the xbox 1 uses a Nvidia system, and this one uses an ATI, they are activley re-coding the executeable for each game, and releaseding the new executables on Xbox Live.

Of course, that also means some update can happen in the middle, such as Halo 1 being less of an eye-sore, and perhaps some games becoming fun.

I'm not going to get a Revolution, but that's fine because my girlfriend will. I might be tempted if I didn't already have a WiFi router, so I don't need the built-in one for my DS.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

What do you mean it's an Apple games machine?

And regarding them putting the executable on Xbox Live -- hahaha maggots, way to go. I don't fucking think so, however. Jesus, I'll never pay $5 a month to engage with stupid dipshits over the Internet. (You can insert your own joke here regarding the sites I run.) I don't care how much content or how much stuff they should give out for free that they "value add" to Live I'm never doing it. God, I can't think of any more reprehensible way to spend time than to hang out with 13 year old console gamers.

[Jethro Q. Walrustitty]

He means that it uses an IBM processor, which is functionally similar to what Apple uses the Mac. Which is kind of like saying that your 1979 VW Rabbit is actually a Dodge Ram with a Cummins turbo because they both use diesel fuel. Apple does not design the processor any more than Dell designs Pentiums. The Revolution will also use a processor from that family.

Of course, saying that it's an IBM processor doesn't sound as shocking to Joe Sixpack, when in fact, it's MORE shocking as they were mortal enemies for a while. Remember a little something called OS/2?

For the record, Jonsey, the X360 comes out in November, the PS3 comes out in Spring 06 - a mere QUARTER later. That's hardly vaporware. It also has, I would say, at least as many games announced for it already, and the general concesus is that the games are better, too. It's also fair to note that MS was hyping the shit out of the XBox long before it was announced, trying to cannibalize PS2 sales. For you to resent MS being on the receiving end of FUD is truly the height of irony.

FWIW, my take on the X360 is here (f'ugly but decent power) and the PS3 is here (pretty goddamn amazing.) You might learn some things - like, LEX, that the Xbox is the only one of the three NOT to include 802.11 wireless out of the box, it'll be an optional component.

[bruce]

Of course, saying that it's an IBM processor doesn't sound as shocking to Joe Sixpack, when in fact, it's MORE shocking as they were mortal enemies for a while. Remember a little something called OS/2?

Oh, some of us have never forgotten. Or forgiven. But anyway, yeah, some game-industry fudgepacker said at http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/games/crash2.html:

Sony has bragged about the mini-supercomputer at the heart of its next machine for a couple of years now, a custom chip designed by IBM. It'll truly be a one-of-a-kind, unique gaming experience.

Unless you own an X-Box 2.0. IBM, it turns out, is making a similar chip for Microsoft's next machine. Oh, did I mention that IBM is also doing the chip for Nintendo's next?

The three companies hired to do the graphics processors for the machines are, in order, ATI, ATI and ATI.

I do, however, now understand why Microsoft bought Connectix Virtual PC. It was only very tangentially to do virtualization on x86 systems to compete with IBM/VMware doing the same thing. Mostly it was to get x86 emulation for the PPC so that they can get Xbox-1 compatibility out of the system.

Bruce

[Lex]

LEX, that the Xbox is the only one of the three NOT to include 802.11 wireless out of the box, it'll be an optional component.

Yeah, I knew that; but I lied on the offchance of getting someone else to purcahse one.

I was not impressed by Sony's press event; some of the tech demos were very nice, but most of the footage was clearly pre-rendered. Of course, they trumped Microsoft by actually having something there playable.

The thing I most resent about this current generation is that, at the age of 20, I now have to start saving for a good HDTV.

Also: The new Gameboy Advance (3rd design) looks pretty good. I suppose they are trying to go Hey, the GBA isn't for kids! It's like a PSP! But it isn't. Still, it does look like what the GBA would've looked like if it was designed in 2015.





Then you realise that's less than 10 years in the future.

The Xbox's realtime stuff was very impressive, but we already know things look amazing in the UE3, and we all know that it's actually going to be down to how assed the artists and designers of a game are gonna be.

Haven't seen it yet, but apparently DOA 4 looks hot. Jiggling at HDTV resolutions should be good. But if the rumours are true, I can't imagine it being much fun at 30 fps.


ICJ: "Xbox Live Silver" comes out-of-the-box with the Xbox 360, so everyone can grab the files/trailers/whatever they want; you can do everything except actually play online w/out paying. I'm willing to bet you have to put up with lots of adds to do so, though.


JQW: It's amazing how, still, you manage to find the most abusive way of getting your points across. Everyone else manages without actively attempting to cause offence.

Well, except Pinback. But atleast he's funny.

[bruce]

Edit: Bruce, that sounds like an old post; I read somewhere that the PS3 is using an Nvidia set up. Is it very recent, or what? "X-box 2" also doesn't impress me with it's futuristic nomenclature.

Yeah, it's old.

Still, it's right: there's very little hardware differentiation between these three consoles.

Bruce

[Lex]

I just editted, then removed entirely the bit you're replying to, Bruce: I didn't realise it was an old PWOT post.

[Lex]

Wow, I just realized how small the new GBA is; that thing on the bottom is the GBA cart, which is this size;



Hence my frightened expression.

[AArdvark]

That looks like a social security card. That's very small.



THE
THAT MEANS IT WILL
STOP WORKING IN 10 TO 15
YEARS
AARDVARK

[Worm]

Solutions:

• Buy one bleetin' console.
  It's not so hard. X-Bocks has what, Halo? Psh, Dildos have a vibrate function, that doesn't make them better than a Playstation. The Playstation is going to have Armored Core, and Capcom. Basically the only things worth playing anymore. Everything else is chance. The Playstation is like being assured you get back 25% of your bet when you lose.
• If you get the shit in a store, don't make eye contact.
  I think one time I might have went on about what an Anal Flower was or bitched about their alphabetization too many times. Those fuckers just don't want to talk to me anymore, score Worm + 1. Better yet, order online, try some sort of pick up. Walk in the fucking store with blinders on, anything! You used to be one of these people ICJ, I think you know why you need to avoid them.
• Stop reading QT3
  Honestly, that's got to be where it is from. The whole "werewolf orange juice" thing reeks of the socially inept brain dead shit that stupid girls think is cute. 'The PS3 obviously more powerful than the X-Box 360' thread made me puke.
• Don't fret this shit.
  Honestly, who cares if gaming lives or dies? I'll probably take up bondage or self mutilate if gaming ever goes away. Even then you've got about a billion games that will be free once gaming dies and that you haven't tried. Samurai Zan is fantastic.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I like that you found a way to post bulleted items. Hell, I don't even know how to do that. See what I mean? The rest of you. See what I mean? We cultivated Worm into a top poster who is more organized than anyone else. He presents his ideas rationally and thoughtfully and with occasional humor. He's like a brand-new guy from the person who first posted all those years ago.

I'm going to post a second message to actually respond to this content. That's how much I like it.

[Worm]

I'm going to post a second message to actually respond to this content. That's how much I like it.

This is sounding more and more sarcastic the less and less you respond to it.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

It isn't though. I simply had to move out to the other room so Vitriola can get some sleep without the clickety-clack going on.

At any rate!

Buy one bleetin' console.

Yes. I presume you've seen the PS3 controller. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! And still, individual cursor keys for the thumbpad there. The worst decision, completely indefensible... and it's going to make it to a third revision of the console. Anyway, so it's out. Life's too short to wrap both your hands around that thing.

I choose to buy nothing, but I always get these things four years into their lives anyway.

If you get the shit in a store, don't make eye contact.

Hey, did you get banned from Q23?

You used to be one of these people ICJ, I think you know why you need to avoid them.

I know. I stopped getting the dreams where I am back there, but it was on the forefront of my mind in the time between quitting AMD and getting the new gig. I really didn't want to go back there.

I recommend the Vectrex scene anyway. $8 a cart, they all rip off a game you've liked for 20 years so they have staying power and the thing is practically portable.

[Worm]

It isn't though. I simply had to move out to the other room so Vitriola can get some sleep without the clickety-clack going on.

At any rate!

Buy one bleetin' console.

Yes. I presume you've seen the PS3 controller. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! And still, individual cursor keys for the thumbpad there. The worst decision, completely indefensible... and it's going to make it to a third revision of the console. Anyway, so it's out. Life's too short to wrap both your hands around that thing.

Yeah, it looks like a banana. Either they'll get there shit together and snip the ends or it's going to require me to go third party. Hell, maybe I can just use my current controller as it's USB capable.

I choose to buy nothing, but I always get these things four years into their lives anyway.

That's probably the best bet. Though I'd end up caving for DMC4 when I learn you use some chrome rims to fight enemies or something.

If you get the shit in a store, don't make eye contact.

Hey, did you get banned from Q23?

Nope. I guess I haven't done whatever you need to do. Honestly, Jhoh is the only guy I know who got banned, and I'm not surprised.

You used to be one of these people ICJ, I think you know why you need to avoid them.

I know. I stopped getting the dreams where I am back there, but it was on the forefront of my mind in the time between quitting AMD and getting the new gig. I really didn't want to go back there.

You can just breeze through that store. Gamers like to fake this kinship, simply because it's a game store. Do you think gardeners deal with this shit when they need something?

I recommend the Vectrex scene anyway. $8 a cart, they all rip off a game you've liked for 20 years so they have staying power and the thing is practically portable.

I could try to buy the one at the local 12 year old punk rawk hang out place, I guess. They even have a Bezzerk cart. I remember playing it and some fucking comercial tool telling me to get lost so he could get in some Asian's pants. What a fuck face.

[Jack Straw]

Do you think gardeners deal with this shit when they need something?

Yep. I hate it when they ask me what I'm growing.

"Tomatoes, dipshit."

[Worm]

Do you think gardeners deal with this shit when they need something?

Yep. I hate it when they ask me what I'm growing.

"Tomatoes, dipshit."

Well, I guess people deal with it everywhere. So, you either shouldn't be surprised when you go in there, put on some black lipstick, or drop an anti-semetic comment.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Do you think gardeners deal with this shit when they need something?

Yep. I hate it when they ask me what I'm growing.

"Tomatoes, dipshit."

Would you like some insurance with your tomatoes? What if a Bloody Mary vampire broke into your house, ate all your tomatoes and then scratched your tomatoes? With insurance we'll replace your tomatoes, but you'll still be out your tomatoes.

"... Still tomatoes, dipshit."