Reminder to self: post the ARM STORY

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 5:28 pm

I am on my way out, but holy shit, this is something out of an Edgar Allen Poe novella. REMINDER TO SELF. DO NOT FORGET. POST STORY.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 7:16 pm

Can you still count to ten? Dammit, don't keep us waiting like this.. I knew you shoulda moved closer to work...

THE
SUSPENSE
IS KILLING
AARDVARK

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 7:38 pm

OK, here we go.

A friend of Dayna's got into a car accident the other day. "Got into" rather than caused. Elaboration is the virtue of all storytelling so allow me a few more bytes.

She (Dayna's friend) was driving along I-225 with her pet iguana. I-225 is like the Denver equivalent of 590 for you Rochester people. Bendy bendy! But one thing that did not totally bend is the poor iguana's arm. You know how some reptiles are able to regenerate entire limbs when they are lost? Yeah, well, it wasn't that kind of reptile.

They were both minding their own business, not dropping refrigerators on top of people, when the straps on truck in front of her split like so much GoDaddy.com model's bra.

She avoids the falling fridge at highway speeds and pulls over. (I'm not sure why -- not from a moral standpoint, but from a "I don't know the full details here" standpoint. I'm certain there was a reason, I just don't recall what it is.)

Well, another guy who was obviously paying great attention plows into her parked car. She dives out of the way and avoids getting killed. Her car is totaled.

This, obviously, sucks for everyone involved.

I come home today and Dayna tells me... that the guy who caused the accident -- the second guy on the scene -- was injured so badly that he had to have his own arm amputated below the elbow. Just like the arm of the iguana he killed.

You know how the Onion said that Congress singing America the Beautiful was the official End of Irony? Well, that guy suddenly becoming the world's worst violinist officially put an end to me making O. Henry jokes. I still don't believe it myself.

Ladies and gentlemen, the preceding was The Arm Story.

Jack Straw · Post by **Jack Straw** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 8:33 pm

I'm telling that to my kid when she gets old enough.

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 11:00 pm

For those not following, my friend was following a random truck that dropped a fridge off the back end. I am not sure of the details here. She either hit fridge or almost did and decided to help, whatever. Pulls over to get info. This is slightly north of Fort Collins. Actually, exit 270, not I-270. Same diff. Anyway, while she is pulled over with her lame pet who has right front forearm amputated, who is traveling in a tub, another car just randomly can't fucking navigate and smashes into the end of hers, being all pulled over and all. My friend had to physically run the fuck out of the way to avoid death. Iguana dies, being still in the warm car and all. Guy gets arm amputated from accident in exact same spot iguana had his arm lost. Make of it what you will.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Feb 17, 2006 11:32 pm

Vitriola wrote:For those not following, my friend was following a random truck that dropped a fridge off the back end. I am not sure of the details here. She either hit fridge or almost did and decided to help, whatever. Pulls over to get info. This is slightly north of Fort Collins. Actually, exit 270, not I-270. Same diff. Anyway, while she is pulled over with her lame pet who has right front forearm amputated, who is traveling in a tub, another car just randomly can't fucking navigate and smashes into the end of hers, being all pulled over and all. My friend had to physically run the fuck out of the way to avoid death. Iguana dies, being still in the warm car and all. Guy gets arm amputated from accident in exact same spot iguana had his arm lost. Make of it what you will.

Yes, but... but...

Yes, of course... but...

I just can't help thinking about what Galaga or Zoo Keeper would say in this situation. Redundancy is key!

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:22 am

This sounds like an O. Henry story. Or a Twilight Zone episode. Glad nobody you care about was hurt, excepting the ex-lizard, of course. Don't worry, they will make more iguanas.

THE
ROD SERLING
AARDVARK

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 11:20 am

Vitriola wrote:For those not following

Thank you.

Jesus Christ. What kind of storytelling is that, Robb?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 1:04 pm

People who are not stupid / intoxicated seem to have understood it just fine.

Lysander · Post by **Lysander** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 1:28 pm

I could follow it.

I mean I had to read it two or three times. But I got it.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 2:10 pm

By the way, both the Asteroids game and the Robotron game at the Gameworks in Vegas are gone.

EDIT: Sorry, they were amputated (in keeping with the theme of the thread.)

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 2:29 pm

That's a tragedy. There's no way they were still paying on them. I mean, maybe back in 1983 they did business that way, but any place in Vegas can afford $1600 for a video game cabinet that's new old stock.

All that says to me is that they don't want people who are 30+ years of age at their place.

Isn't it called a GAMEWORKS? So long as the games work they should be there.

I would have purchased both of those games, by the way, if I knew that they were being moved.

Was that where the Centipede was? The one that didn't let you move side to side? I would have passed on that. I say this in case management (of the club I can't remember) is reading this.

Are you still flying in in April?

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 2:39 pm

All of the old games appeared to be gone. The Space Invaders. The... other one. Whatever it was. All gone, and replaced by SHOOT AT SCREEN 4 and PRETEND DRIVING 6000.

Probably not early April, as previously mentioned. We'll work it out, though.

The fun part about Vegas is when you get a $99 room at the MGM Grand, and then you show up, and they don't have it, so they have to upgrade you to the tippy-top of the line, 1500+ sq. ft., $1000+/night Marquee Suite on the 25th floor.

Try to do that whenever you go there.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 3:03 pm

Yeah, we ended up staying at the same place the convention was at. I will confess that it made things easier for the one part where we went to the convention.

I got the surprise "Extra Bed" and Pinback's eating gold-covered chocoberries in a champagne whirpool. There ain't going to be any peace, then. We made it perfectly clear that it worked like this:

NO JUSTICE
=
NO PEACE

You're buying "peace" with justice. Apparently the MGM Grand thinks that it can just go straight to the "peace" part.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 3:41 pm

Well, I didn't understand any of that, but let's do

PINBACK REVIEWZ THE RESTAURANTZ WHAT IS AT THE MGM GRAND

Restaurant: DIEGO
Cuisine: MEXICAN
Price: VERY VERY EXPENSIVE
What I had: Braised goat appetizer, grilled sea bass entree.

Review: One of the defining meals of my life, and the best fish I've ever had the joy of putting in my face. FIVE out of FIVE stars, WOULD (and WILL) EAT AT AGAIN.

Restaurant: SEABLUE
Cuisine: "JET-FRESH" SEAFOOD
Price: UNBELIEVABLY EXPENSIVE
What I had: Steamed bay scallops in a ridiculously tasty sauce appetizer, grilled "pink dorade" entree.

Review: One of the other defining meals of my life. Makes you wish you had actually been one of those money-grubbing, go-getter types, if only so you can eat like this every night. Also, lovely ambiance. FIVE out of FIVE stars, WOULD EAT AT AGAIN EXCEPT I CAN'T AFFORD IT.

Overall, I would have to say that my dining experiences at the MGM Grand were the highlight not only of this trip, but possibly of every Vegas trip I've ever had, except for destroying Robb at Robotron, and Vitriola grindin' on me at the pool hall back when I thought I had a chance.