Defender Control Panel
Moderators: AArdvark, Ice Cream Jonsey
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Ice Cream Jonsey
- Posts: 30067
- Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
- Location: Colorado
- Contact:
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AArdvark
- Posts: 17735
- Joined: Tue May 14, 2002 6:12 pm
- Location: Rochester, NY
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Ice Cream Jonsey
- Posts: 30067
- Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
- Location: Colorado
- Contact:
One of the things I am trying to do, Vark, for JC2K7, is eliminate the wishy washy, middle-of-the-road, everyone-stays-happy rubbish that I usually engage in. The next poll will probably be something like, "Eugene Jarvis (creator of Defender): Angel from God or Candidate For Immediate and Unholy Conflagration?" I want to sync up the results from this poll and see if anyone has a serious problem with the Defender control panel.
Then I go to the FBI. But let's keep that in our pants for now.
Perhaps one of the problems with Defender (though I recognize that it is an excellent, amazing game) is that control panel... though I personally have only played a handful of games on a real Defender system. Perhaps it's because the humans make a little trilling sound, a sound that is sort of like the cat Frobozz on the hunt for a piece of lint, a cloth mousie, or whatever the fuck he's on alert for 24-7. The humans make that sound and I can't help but stare as intently as possible at the radar screen. You'd think, upon hearing a humanoid's trill, that there was something wrong with my dull, caveman's forehead at that point. Because nothing is going to stop me from rescuing that guy, Vark. Nothing.
I race as quickly as possible to the area where the human is (I know in the game they are humanOIDS, but they are so much more to me personally) and then I get to play the game inside the game, of Defender. The manuever you must* master is the one where you blow away a lander and scoop the human up and deposit him on the ground.
*(FOOTNOTE ONE: If you are an anthropomorphizing little nerd-weasel like me, natch.)
And I can't master that sequence of events. Oh, ramming my ship as hard as possible into the lander? I can do that. Shooting the human, missing the lander completely? I could regale you with tales of me doing that over 10, or even 20 beers. Shooting the lander, going past the human in an attempt to save him, (or her! Madness!) scrambling to find the "reverse" button on whatever system I'm playing (more on that in a second) -- all while watching the person splat upon the ground .. ... .... yeah, I'm the Billy Mitchell of that non-tactic.
What I can't do, reliably, is catch the guy and bring him back to his home. On the first board I can do it. I mean, I don't have palsy or anything. But beyond that it becomes very difficult for me, and I've had the majority of my life to do this.
Now, bear with me a second: I've played the MAME version of Defender lots, with a gamepad to handle the buttons. I've played it on the Xbox, played the Atarisoft version (I think) and also done it on the 2600. We loved that port. If my brother made it this far - unlikely - he'd tell you that we were all about Defender for the 2600. But man... that arcade version is something else.
The latest thing is, well, I found out that there is a hidden game in the Vectrex "port" of Defender. The game is called Protector, and it might be the finest piece of programming in the world. The guy who made it, Alex Herbert, outdid himself. I absolutely demand anyone with a Vectrex to get this game.
What Herbert did, to finally get to the point, is hide a third game on his cartridge. (The second game is a freely accessible version of Space Invaders.) I want to play the game. The name of the hidden game is "Spike Goes Down." I have no idea what it's about. It could just be a graphical slideshow of Spike, the Vectrex mascot, gnawing on his girlfriend Molly's vectorsnatch. Who knows? I don't because you need to break 20,000 points in Protector to get to this game.
And I've been playing all weekend and can't do it.
So I'm wondering if the deal is with the controller. On the Vec you have four buttons, in a row, to the right of the joystick. So it's not even like the control setup for Defender. Inspired by it certainly, but that's it.
It's looking more and more like I'm just terrible, no matter what the control scheme. And I can accept that. Not like a man or anything (thus the poll) but I can accept it kicking and screaming.
/kick
/scream
/s
Then I go to the FBI. But let's keep that in our pants for now.
Perhaps one of the problems with Defender (though I recognize that it is an excellent, amazing game) is that control panel... though I personally have only played a handful of games on a real Defender system. Perhaps it's because the humans make a little trilling sound, a sound that is sort of like the cat Frobozz on the hunt for a piece of lint, a cloth mousie, or whatever the fuck he's on alert for 24-7. The humans make that sound and I can't help but stare as intently as possible at the radar screen. You'd think, upon hearing a humanoid's trill, that there was something wrong with my dull, caveman's forehead at that point. Because nothing is going to stop me from rescuing that guy, Vark. Nothing.
I race as quickly as possible to the area where the human is (I know in the game they are humanOIDS, but they are so much more to me personally) and then I get to play the game inside the game, of Defender. The manuever you must* master is the one where you blow away a lander and scoop the human up and deposit him on the ground.
*(FOOTNOTE ONE: If you are an anthropomorphizing little nerd-weasel like me, natch.)
And I can't master that sequence of events. Oh, ramming my ship as hard as possible into the lander? I can do that. Shooting the human, missing the lander completely? I could regale you with tales of me doing that over 10, or even 20 beers. Shooting the lander, going past the human in an attempt to save him, (or her! Madness!) scrambling to find the "reverse" button on whatever system I'm playing (more on that in a second) -- all while watching the person splat upon the ground .. ... .... yeah, I'm the Billy Mitchell of that non-tactic.
What I can't do, reliably, is catch the guy and bring him back to his home. On the first board I can do it. I mean, I don't have palsy or anything. But beyond that it becomes very difficult for me, and I've had the majority of my life to do this.
Now, bear with me a second: I've played the MAME version of Defender lots, with a gamepad to handle the buttons. I've played it on the Xbox, played the Atarisoft version (I think) and also done it on the 2600. We loved that port. If my brother made it this far - unlikely - he'd tell you that we were all about Defender for the 2600. But man... that arcade version is something else.
The latest thing is, well, I found out that there is a hidden game in the Vectrex "port" of Defender. The game is called Protector, and it might be the finest piece of programming in the world. The guy who made it, Alex Herbert, outdid himself. I absolutely demand anyone with a Vectrex to get this game.
What Herbert did, to finally get to the point, is hide a third game on his cartridge. (The second game is a freely accessible version of Space Invaders.) I want to play the game. The name of the hidden game is "Spike Goes Down." I have no idea what it's about. It could just be a graphical slideshow of Spike, the Vectrex mascot, gnawing on his girlfriend Molly's vectorsnatch. Who knows? I don't because you need to break 20,000 points in Protector to get to this game.
And I've been playing all weekend and can't do it.
So I'm wondering if the deal is with the controller. On the Vec you have four buttons, in a row, to the right of the joystick. So it's not even like the control setup for Defender. Inspired by it certainly, but that's it.
It's looking more and more like I'm just terrible, no matter what the control scheme. And I can accept that. Not like a man or anything (thus the poll) but I can accept it kicking and screaming.
/kick
/scream
/s
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!
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AArdvark
- Posts: 17735
- Joined: Tue May 14, 2002 6:12 pm
- Location: Rochester, NY
Best Defender player I ever saw had this knack for picking up ALL the humanoids before setting them down again. He could do this AT WILL. Unbelieveable. It was about then that I stopped playing the game because I knew I could never be in the same room- no- in the same pizza joint (which was where said machine was located) with Defender again. The machine knew I sucked and it would laugh at me.
THE
UNPLUG
AARDVARK
THE
UNPLUG
AARDVARK