Some words on old Asteroids

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed May 07, 2008 10:37 pm

I think it is fairly clear that I have succeeded in driving off the great majority of readers and contributors to this website. With that in mind, I might as well start churning out some posts that make it awkward to reply to.

On Sunday, Dayna and I went to the Oskar Blues Bar in Lyons, Colorado. We're taking a look at some places to have our actual wedding. As I have flown for every single wedding I have ever attended, with the exception of my friend Fodge and a Fort Collins Legend known as "Captain Kick-Ass," I have decided to make virtually everyone I know fly to our wedding. But at the same time, having it in our backyard would be awkward because that's where we hide the bodies and most of my friends have a long history of digging for exotics. Lyons is a few miles over, so that's perfect.

Dayna recently took a job that has her in Lyons, and more importantly, has her at lunchtime in Lyons. She is able to go to the Oskar Blues Bar with some regularity. Here is a quick recap of how our conversations about this have gone. KEEPING IN MIND, that OBB may as well be my Hajj.

Dayna: They had Burger Madness at Oskar's today!
Robb: Awwwwww, this is BULLSHIT!

I am happy for her. But imagine your favorite place in the world. Now imagine someone you love with all your heart going there so often and it being such a common happening that they have time to check out neighboring on-fire shacks when they go (which they DO). They could be re-enacting the beginning of Infocom's "Trinity" while I am near the Blues Bar, and I wouldn't even poke my head out to check.

Dayna told me that there was an Asteroids machine in the lobby.

Now, there is already a world-famous arcade downstairs. And several dozen pinball games down the street from ole Oskar. But Asteroids?! I immediately started with the questions.

"Was it an Asteroids, or an Asteroids Deluxe?" I asked. You know, I really do take her for granted. Honestly, the only two people in my life I could get away asking that question to would be Dayna and Pinner. And there is a 50/50 chance that Pinner would make a crack about how I originally had an Asteroids clone in my Top 100 Games list and not Asteroids proper. An Asteroids question asked, and no sarcasm returned....? This is why I am marrying this girl.

She couldn't say for sure that it was a regular Asteroids. She said she didn't remember the words "Deluxe" being anywhere. Bless her heart.

I think this catches us up to last Sunday. I actually walked right by the thing. Totally missed it in the lobby. In fact, I started to give her shit about it ever being there. Then she pointed to it. It's one of the heaviest games of its era. It's a hulking beast that I don't own mostly because of its savage length. And apparently, in certain lobbies, it slinks.

(We're almost finished here.) Dayna gave me a quarter to play. I have played a lot of Asteroids in recent days, because I have a handheld system that runs MAME. But it has a very, very, very shitty thumb pad, and certainly nothing like the actual controls on a real Asteroids machine, which are all leaf buttons. They are glorious. Any game of this played with a joystick is just missing the point. When you play this thing, you are not some obnoxious a-hole with a gamepad in his hand. You are SPACE COMMANDER MAN, operating his SPACE COMMAND SHIP by pressing buttons to rotate and fire and thrust and hide like MOTHERFUCKING CHEKOV or something.

And the screen. The screen! There used to be an Asteroids Deluxe cabaret machine downstairs at Oskar's. I'd estimate the monitor at 13". To see the real and true thing, on the original game, with a nice bezel, is other-worldly.

How the fuck did they get it so correct? How did Ed Logg put something together that is so timeless, even to this day? It feels like you are piloting a fucking spaceship. I have no idea what that would really feel like. And sure, because momentum is not conserved, it isn't even accurate. It's inaccurate, but more truthful than if it was. That's what people say about fiction. The buttons are exactly the right size. They are spaced perfectly. The ship moves just the right amount when you press a button to rotate it. It is perfection. My life is richer for having experienced the Real Thing again.

... There's no real ending here. I had a wonderful time driving around, looking at places with my sweetie and playing a couple games of Asteroids. It was a wonderful day, and assuming this post submits correctly, now I'll always remember it.

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Thu May 08, 2008 1:07 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:awkward because that's where we hide the bodies and most of my friends have a long history of digging for exotics

BEST OF.

Bruce

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Thu May 08, 2008 1:17 pm

That was a quite beautiful, heartfelt way of honoring one of the world's great video games (definitely one of the top 10, or top 100, depending on who you ask).

I wasn't aware you were such a fan of that establishment, either. I only ate their once, but god damn did I drink a lot of Dale's Pale Ale when I lived in Colorado!

(That was a rhetorical question, but just in case there's any uncertainty, the answer is: Yes.)

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri May 09, 2008 11:30 am

pinback wrote:I wasn't aware you were such a fan of that establishment, either. I only ate their once, but god damn did I drink a lot of Dale's Pale Ale when I lived in Colorado!

(That was a rhetorical question, but just in case there's any uncertainty, the answer is: Yes.)

There is (was?) one random Dale's Pale's Ale's that was in the fridge, and I am not sure how it got there. If it is still there, I will save it for you.

Also, did Oskar Blues have a basement filled with arcade games when you went?!? What, was I kicking holes in the drywall when you went to tell me this, and then decided it would be better if you didn't take me to an area of Colorado with actual kick plates, not knowing what I'd be capable of?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:20 pm

The high score kit I ordered last month is on its way! I get the feeling they are made to-order, so the delay was no problem at all.

I checked on Usenet, and it looks like I can have the rapid-fire mod and the save-scores kit going at the same time. Excellent.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 7:00 pm

The Braze Kit arrived! I installed it - no desoldering required. It came right up and it seems to be working great.

I can now work my ass off to get scores in the table so Ben can destroy them all and put "PUS" in the high score table effortlessly the next time he sees the machine.

ICJ · Post by **ICJ** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 11:28 am

My Asteroids had a rapid fire mod. It also sped up the game. This is not ideal! The only mod I really want is the save kit.

I removed the daughterboard that was installed. It came right out - it was at C5. There was a socketed chip on the daughtercard, and I put that back into C5.

Well, the rapid-fire mod is still there. The game is slower, though. I assume, then, that C5 was modified for just the rapid fire part.

Here is a video of how my Asteroids now plays.

[youtube][/youtube]

I think it is now too slow, but I am not sure. I don't have access to a ROM burner, but hobbyroms.com can get me the right chip for $10 shipped. Maybe I'll go that route.

ICJ · Post by **ICJ** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 11:53 am

Also, regarding the now-laughable first post, I should state that all of the buttons in Asteroids are NOT well-placed. The hyperspace button should be a few inches further down the control panel.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:28 pm

It is not too slow. Though watching that video, I'm not so sure about you.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 2:06 pm

I mumbled the last line and it ruined the whole thing. I call the small UFO out as an assassin, and he assassinates me.

I can't perform on video under pressure.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 4:19 pm

Also, MAME runs the game much faster. MAME is worthless.

Well, wait, I want to take that one back, it is an amazing piece of software.

I feel like one of those robots whose head smokes and explodes because it is given two opposing pieces of logic.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 4:20 pm

Also, when I eventually make a Wizardry-style game in Hugo, a typo that I corrected in the previous post reminded me of something: along with spell points in the game, the fighters and rogues will have "logica" that they can employ. DIBS ON LOGICA.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 4:23 pm

Also, my voice doesn't really sound like that, does it? How have any of you remained friends with me? That is one terrible-sounding voice. I don't even think it's a Rochester accent any longer, it's some twisted, sonic hell amalgam of Denver and western NY.

AArdvark · Post by **AArdvark** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 6:14 pm

Maybe a script?

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 6:42 pm

Yeah, that would work.

There is a long pause in that video, the one up above. That is because I was honestly trying to think of something to say other than UMMMMM. I need to record myself for an hour at work and see if I talk that way, or if it really is just a videotape thing.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:30 pm

I played my first "serious" game of Asteroids since removing the speed-up mod. And by "serious," I mean that I was really trying, NOT that I was like wearing NASA jammies whilst playing.

I ot 34,220. My previous high score was 18,000. And I lost three straight lives within two seconds, when I respawned almost immediately into an asteroids.

This seems very, very, very easy now. It's like the speed-up mod made me better.

Some words on old Asteroids

Some words on old Asteroids

Re: Some words on old Asteroids